Archive for March, 2013

In the End

Posted in Uncategorized on March 27, 2013 by runmyssierun

My days have been filled with songs that have deep meaning to me. I love music. No, really. I Looooooooove music. It forged a bond in our family and my close friends. I randomly change radio stations and CDs and iPod playlists to see if I can get a “sign”, a “message” from my angels. Weird? Probably. Do I care what you think? Probably not. It’s my thing.

My marathon training and races all had incredible playlists that were custom made. I would download the elevation maps for each race and program high intensity songs to play right at the time when I knew I’d hit hills. So long as I kept the beat of the song, my cadence would take me to the finish. The lyrics would take me to my never never land. The deep bass beats would trance me into rhythmic prayer.

However, my triathlon training does not allow for me to wear my music gear. I now have the music in my head. For the first time EVER, I competed a triathlon this last weekend and had a song in my head on repeat the entire time. I don’t know the name of it. All I know is that it is #8 (as per Christine) of “La Myssie” – a cd that was made for me. Christine is the name of my car. She earned that name.

Next weekend, I attempt my first real triathlon. I don’t know which song will play in my head. But I hope it takes me to the finish.

Easter this year

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on March 26, 2013 by runmyssierun

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Momma smiled through everything. No matter how difficult her life, situation or gut instinct was… she always smiled. The above photo was taken as she was being wheeled in to remove 9 brain tumors after having this metal “crown” drilled into her head. She still asked to be photographed so I could see that she was smiling. She taught me that. How to smile that is. She taught me to smile no matter what.

For years as a child, I wanted so badly to look like her, to act like her, to be like her.  I practiced smiling in the mirror with a picture of her in the reflection just so that I knew how to hold my lips in a smile that matched hers. I practiced this! I don’t think I truly ever really got it right… but as I look back, I’m pretty close.

Smiling like her though is not the difficult part.  The difficult part is smiling like her when it’s just plain difficult.

I’m not sure I can hold her smile on my face this week.

It’s the first Easter without her.

*For those of you that just started following my blog, she passed away on Easter Sunday

It has always been a family tradition to spend Easter Sunday at her house hunting for “cascarones” (aka Easter eggs). We didn’t do it last year – clearly because of her passing. This year, dad and I don’t quite know how to celebrate it. My youngest boy is still young enough to enjoy the tradition of hunting for Easter eggs. My oldest boy is loving enough to put aside his “coolness” and play along for his little brother. I doubt I will see my nephews (the sons of my baby brother who’s anniversary of his death is also this coming week) anytime soon.

I am a bit down. When people tell you that they admire how strong, courageous and brave you are… is it wrong to tell them that they’re wrong?

I wish i could smile like her now.

I wish she was here to smile for me.

I wish I could be teased by Donny one more time. I wish I could hear his laugh. That thundering belly laugh that filled the room with joy. I wish I could get that surprise phone call and hear “boogie woogie woogie” from the other end.

I wish… I wish…

I wish I knew what to do this Easter to make me smile, to keep a tradition, to go on with life, to make happy memories with my children, to ensure they treasure memories as well as I do.

Please click here to donate:  Mimi’s Miles

Team in Training

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 21, 2013 by runmyssierun

Erica – the angel

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on March 20, 2013 by runmyssierun

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God Bless Erica, her family and friends. She will forever be in my heart.

I’m too emotional to write much more.

No longer Switzerland

Posted in Uncategorized on March 17, 2013 by runmyssierun

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I had a conversation with Coach Chavez a few months ago about how worried I was with my blogging and documenting my journey and not wanting to turn Momma and Sissy into some gimmick or myself.

And it all came tumbling down a couple of days ago.

My friends who truly knew what I was doing came immediately to the rescue. Coincidentally, I had just heard the story about our local bike gangs. Seems that local run clubs have gangs too.

Figured I was no longer Switzerland. And then all of a sudden .., was sent this picture. It’s awesome when the other countries come in to fight your war when you yourself refuse to stand up for yourself.

I know there will always be those people who just will never “get it” because they never ever cared about the cause in the first place and are tainted by their own agenda or the seed that was planted by that bitter crowd. But it still hurts when they try to knock me down. And it still feels super awesome when those that DO understand out number those that don’t… And stand up for you.

I love my super women!!! Thank you!!!!

Focus

Posted in Uncategorized on March 14, 2013 by runmyssierun

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It’s amazing how a couple of hours with a distraction can get me so re-focused on a goal. Something is changing again with me… Within me. I’ve noticed the last couple of months my posts have been laced with fear and doubt. After an enlightening conversation, I was reminded of “the rush of not knowing”. So I now embrace this fear of mine that I walk away from, create excuses for, blah blah blah. Bring back the fun, the excitement… The rush. Bring it on. I’m ready now. I’m still scared. But I’m ready. And all my focus is on you. My goal.

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