RunMyssieRun

All this time…. You think I’m talking about a workout? A trophy? Fitting back into my Prom dress? Looking better than you? Becoming faster than you?

Or a cure?

I haven’t forgotten why I’m doing this.
Have you?

NEVER EVER GIVE UP

Exactly one week ago at this very moment, I was zipping over the three sisters of River Mountain trail in Vegas holding my breath with a death grip so tight that my pinkies are STILL numb as I type this now. I’ve had the chance to digest all the applause. I’ve had the chance to respond to all the criticism (at least the ones who said it to my face and not behind my back). I’ve had the chance to sit at the resting place of the two women who instigated this journey and who gave me the strength to go forward even when I doubted myself… when I was engulfed in fear, pain and sadness.

I’ve had the time to reflect over all that has happened in my life the last ten years, the people who have made an impact over that time, those who left – willing and unwilling, and those who chose to stay – willing and unwilling and all the choices I made that affected each of these moments and people in my life. What I am reminded of is that I am so very blessed. Yes, I’ve had my share of struggles and realistically, I will continue to struggle. Life is what you make it. I choose to look forward to the silver lining of it all. My life has been hard, rock hard, in fact. But why would having a total melt down help me or anyone else? And my concern is, why would anyone look forward to me having one? Why would someone want that type of drama to happen to me after all that has already been done? *This rant was instigated by someone not spoken about in this blog at all.

Thankfully, I was able to vent and had lunch with an old friend this week who just recently experienced a similar loss to cancer. After three hours of chit chat and tears and laughs, she blurted out “I would never have known you were going through all of this.”

Yes, I’m very active on social media and speak candidly about subjects like cancer, addiction, health and fitness and parenting… however, I dance a fine line to protect my family and friends at the same time. Oh, and I’m a really good dancer. 😉

I received an invitation to be a guest panel speaker on the topic of Pink Ribbons and the truth behind cancer fundraising this week. I accepted knowing that this will be donation suicide for me. There are a handful of very vocal and very angry people who will salivate on this ammunition to help them squash my quest and promise to raise funds and awareness to stop the things that my mother witnessed and could not live long enough to help put an end to. This group will likely turn some people away from the wonderful things that I have participated in, helped out with and in turn, they helped my mother and aunt while in treatment. I’m having a hard time trying to strategize on how I can keep people focused on the good. If you are reading this and are of the praying kind, please, pray for God’s wisdom to fill me. I honestly am struggling with how to say my point nicely while on a panel and not lose my temper.

I met the most amazing inspiring relentless unselfish determined people today. I met my National Flex Team with Team in Training.

Besides knowing that we all trained virtually together sharing workouts and tips and tricks online for the race tomorrow – what had not been talked about was everyone’s “why”.

One man had battled cancer before. Twice. He’s a survivor. His wife wasn’t. She died two years ago. He does what I do for her.

One man lost his wife just eight months ago. He’ll be riding tomorrow for her.

One man proudly told me about the wonderful success of his stem cell transplant. It is the reason he is here today. He owns a bike shop. This is how he gives back.

One woman was not a woman. She was an ironman. And a survivor.

A woman walked up to me at the expo and said “go team! I’ll be seeing you tomorrow. You are why I’m alive today!” A woman said the same thing to me in San Diego at my first marathon.

Everyone on my team had a story, a connection. We all worked relentlessly to get here… More than most realize

I’m riding with angels, true real life angels tomorrow.

GOD BE WITH US.

Half way to the beginning of my next voyage, rain postpones me. And just as I started to get those nervous conversations bounce around in my head… The notes get passed back and forth.

Best advice so far: Never trust a Gary. 😉 ya that’s an inside joke

Have I told you lately that I’ve been following signs?

This couldn’t be more perfect!!!

You’re not built like an athlete.
You need to lose weight.
You’re too old to be doing that extreme stuff.
You’re not fast enough.
You have to train harder.
You train too much and you’re being selfish.
You can’t do it all.
You’re going to hurt yourself.
Why don’t you just go to a gala instead?

I don’t think you understand. I made a promise.
I don’t think you understand. I don’t really care what I look like to you.
I don’t think you understand. I don’t really care what you think.
I don’t think you understand what love does to you when you no longer have it.

I know I’m not built like an athlete.
I know I’m not thin and muscular.
I know I have to train harder… harder than anyone else around me. It’s been like this all my life.
I know I’m not fast. I never have been and probably won’t ever be super fast either…. but I’ll go way farther than the person on the podium because I’ll never quit.
I know I can’t do it all and that’s why I surround myself with lots of people who HAVE done this and are willing to help me do it again.. together.
I know the risk of hurting myself. I pray. ALL THE TIME.
I did go to galas. But now it’s personal. It’s for love.

Can I do this? Can I really do this?

I’ve been trained by the best. I’ve put in my blood, sweat and tears.

But I’ll be honest… I have become quite nervous. I question myself, my abilities, my sanity, my reason for doing this. And there you have it… the words from Berenice’s mouth as I was hobbling during the run at my first Triathlon (Stanley’s Triathlon) still echo in my head.

“Remember why you are doing this!” — Berenice Puga

Are you mentally tough as a cyclist? Is mental training an active part of your preparation or simply an after-thought? Do you know how to consistently harness the power of your mind to lift the level of your performance? Or are you your own worst enemy out there? Do you do better in practice than actual races or events? Are you regularly beaten by athletes you know you should own? When the going gets tough, do you get scared and break down?

How about your motivation as a cyclist? Do you have the inner drive to do what’s necessary to achieve success? Do you have a meaningful goal that helps keep you focused and moving forward through the brutal and oftentimes monotonous grind of daily training? Without a “big enough why” or a personally compelling goal your motivation will stall out. You have to be able to ask yourself on a daily basis, “How is what I’m doing today and right now going to help me get to where I want to go?” Far too many athletes make a “deal with the devil.” That is, they trade what they want the most, for what they want right now.

Becoming a champion (however you personally define “champion”) also demands that you consistently practice “pushing the envelope.” You have to be willing to regularly bust your butt. That is, you must live the winner’s creed, get comfortable being uncomfortable!” Your success demands that you continually move towards your physical and emotional limits. When you’re tired and your body is screaming for mercy, you have to stay with the discomfort just a little more. When you don’t like the training conditions, weather or course, you have to learn to embrace them. Finding adverse conditions to train in is simply being smart! Sooner or later you’ll have to compete in them. If it intimidates you to train with or compete against much better competition, seek them out! They are your ticket to the next level! Get comfortable being uncomfortable and you’ll become successful. The only way to really excel in your sport and in life is to get in the everyday habit of pushing your envelope.

Becoming a winner also demands that you develop the ability to handle competitive pressure. Does pre-event nervousness sabotage all your hard work and good coaching? If you can’t learn to control your nerves, then you’ll never ride to your potential. Staying cool (see below for example) in the clutch is a mental skill that you can easily master with a little practice. If pre-event jitters have gotten the better of you before, then with the use of several reliable relaxation and concentration strategies, even you can learn to consistently keep yourself at “good nervous.”

Mastering pain and fatigue is another mental skill needed to achieve success in cycling. This means that you have to know two things: First, how to control your focus when you begin to hurt; Second, how to neutralize the negative thinking and self-doubts that almost always tag along with the pain. Much of your confidence comes from this latter sports psychology skill. If you think you lack the confidence that you should have given your talent and success, then chances are good that you haven’t been doing a good job controlling your negative self-talk. Training your “inner coach” is critical if you want to learn to feel good about yourself and believe in YOU!

Concentration is another master skill needed to achieve success as a cyclist. You must develop the ability to focus on what’s important and block out everything else. Your mental skills in this area directly affect your ability to effectively handle pressure. In fact, the wrong focus before and during your century is the #1 cause of accidents. The great thing about concentration is that with a little practice, you can learn to excel in this mental area.

Becoming a champion also means that you have to learn how to deal with adversity, setbacks and failure? Winners build their success on their failures. They learn from their mistakes and then leave them behind. What kind of “reboundability” do you have? To the champion, failure is something that you do to get to success. It is the ticket that allows you to reach your goals.
Remember, cycling to your potential depends a great deal upon how well you mentally prepare ahead of time. Do you know how to use imagery, mental rehearsal or visualization to maximize your chances of success? Did you know that mental rehearsal can significantly help you stay calm in the clutch and build your confidence? Are their points in your century ride where you always fall apart? Mental rehearsal can help you turn these weak spots into areas of strength.

You’d never go into a 100 mile plus ride and leave the physical part of your performance to chance! So why ride and leave this all important mental dimension to chance?

Sent to me by Coach Darin

Before I see your family at the finish line, I had to visit you first.

People send me notes of encouragement, love and just plain old silly things that make me smile.

I love how varied they all are and I love each of those special persons who send them to me.

Tell someone special that you love them… Before you no longer have that chance.

I regret the things I didn’t say.