You Don’t Know Me

Exactly one week ago at this very moment, I was zipping over the three sisters of River Mountain trail in Vegas holding my breath with a death grip so tight that my pinkies are STILL numb as I type this now. I’ve had the chance to digest all the applause. I’ve had the chance to respond to all the criticism (at least the ones who said it to my face and not behind my back). I’ve had the chance to sit at the resting place of the two women who instigated this journey and who gave me the strength to go forward even when I doubted myself… when I was engulfed in fear, pain and sadness.

flex cycling team

I’ve had the time to reflect over all that has happened in my life the last ten years, the people who have made an impact over that time, those who left – willing and unwilling, and those who chose to stay – willing and unwilling and all the choices I made that affected each of these moments and people in my life. What I am reminded of is that I am so very blessed. Yes, I’ve had my share of struggles and realistically, I will continue to struggle. Life is what you make it. I choose to look forward to the silver lining of it all. My life has been hard, rock hard, in fact. But why would having a total melt down help me or anyone else? And my concern is, why would anyone look forward to me having one? Why would someone want that type of drama to happen to me after all that has already been done? *This rant was instigated by someone not spoken about in this blog at all.

Thankfully, I was able to vent and had lunch with an old friend this week who just recently experienced a similar loss to cancer. After three hours of chit chat and tears and laughs, she blurted out “I would never have known you were going through all of this.”

Yes, I’m very active on social media and speak candidly about subjects like cancer, addiction, health and fitness and parenting… however, I dance a fine line to protect my family and friends at the same time. Oh, and I’m a really good dancer. 😉

I received an invitation to be a guest panel speaker on the topic of Pink Ribbons and the truth behind cancer fundraising this week. I accepted knowing that this will be donation suicide for me. There are a handful of very vocal and very angry people who will salivate on this ammunition to help them squash my quest and promise to raise funds and awareness to stop the things that my mother witnessed and could not live long enough to help put an end to. This group will likely turn some people away from the wonderful things that I have participated in, helped out with and in turn, they helped my mother and aunt while in treatment. I’m having a hard time trying to strategize on how I can keep people focused on the good. If you are reading this and are of the praying kind, please, pray for God’s wisdom to fill me. I honestly am struggling with how to say my point nicely while on a panel and not lose my temper.

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3 Responses to “You Don’t Know Me”

  1. Take notes! We lose our temper when the barrage is too great and we start forgetting points that we wanted to counter. If you’re prepared and can articulate each point, you’ll kill it. And remember, on a panel with an audience, the idea is to influence the audience, not the other jerk on the panel who refuses to see things your way.

    Good luck.

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