Archive for November, 2013

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When you wish upon a star

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on November 30, 2013 by runmyssierun

“I am proud to be a normal size girl and I want to encourage everyone to be confident at any size.” – Miranda Lambert, speaking out on rumors about her weight loss in an open letter to her fans.Image

 

After Thanksgiving, many of us (who are obsessed with body image) feel guilty about our celebratory feast with friends and family. Even more of my personal friends who are now getting ready or swim suit finals at Miss Texas Teen USA are even more frenzied. And poor Maria Kang seems to be getting even deeper into the drama of size, image, hate and inspiration.

I’m glad that I now realize the difference between a socially accepted beautiful body and a doctor recommended healthy body.

It’s weekends like this when I can sit back and be pretty dang content with myself. 

I can run twenty miles. I can eat a good Thanksgiving dinner. And I am ok.

I’ll wear stretchy pants and oversized sweaters for a few days… 

And I’ll run the HALF marathon next weekend. Not the full. Thank you Sissy. It took a while for me to look deep inside and understand that no matter what I do, it still will never be good enough for some people. Why hurt myself trying to prove them wrong? I need to remember why I started this in the first place and stay true to myself.

 

I’ve made my Christmas wish. The stars know and only they will tell.

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Do I wanna know?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 25, 2013 by runmyssierun

The cold front blew in Friday and I was chomping at the bit to run in the rare chilly weather (*chilly = 42 degrees). I know… I know… some of you Yankee amigos are giggling at that reference but honestly, we don’t get below 70 round these parts much!!!

So let me backtrack a bit for some randomness over the last couple of days that lead into the rest of today’s story…

A few days ago, my best friend since high school had twins!!! This woman is downright amazing. Phenomenal, I tell you! She has this charisma about her that infatuates EVERYONE around her. I remember her scoring an almost perfect SAT and treating it like is was no biggie. I can count on the fingers of ONE hand everyone I consider knows, has and has seen all the best (and my favorite) musical artists of all time. She would be the thumb. She’s a crazy red head who is silly enough to always have the best time EVER doing inappropriate things and smart enough to never get caught doing them! She’s successful, organized, funny, styled to the T and is now… a mommy to Fiona Ray and Jake Ryan. I am beyond elated!!!

*p.s. She asked me a while back ago for some name suggestions. Jake Ryan made the cut. I found out just last week when I helped throw a surprise baby shower for her. Jake Ryan is for the most beautiful boy of all my favorite brat pack movies…

So anyway… (sorry, I had a moment there reminiscing with Jake) it got me thinking… I’ve always wanted a big family. Could I have another baby?

Here we are in our 40’s, all settled into our ways of life… I mean really, 40-some is just too old… right? It’s too hard on a woman’s body. Child bearing is for young women. Right? Do I wanna know? Whether or not I feel I can do it, I know for a fact she can.  Taking up running at such a late age in life the way I have and finishing so many marathons, triathlons and that amazing century ride… surely I can handle a baby. Hmmm…

Fiona Ray and Jake Ryan and their fantabulous Mommy!!!

Fiona Ray and Jake Ryan and their fantabulous Mommy!!!

Well, I HAVE been saying that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Right?

And then I got the picture text to me on the phone. My heart completely melted. I was breathless. Enamored.

I woke up Saturday morning snuggled up warmly under my big blanket and for a moment hit snooze. It was almost like the trail itself got up and pushed me outta bed as it suddenly dawned on me… IT’S COLD!!! Let’s go run!

It was an amazing run!!! I began very early in the morning… 5:00a.m. I was scheduled to do 20 miles. I bundled up. Thermal leggings, shin socks, thermal long sleeve jersey with those cute little cut outs for my thumbs and a light wind breaker. YAY!!! I don’t get to wear winter gear often!!!

As I began my run, a light drizzle fell. I thought to myself, “Eh, that’s ok. It’s not rain and won’t soak all the way through my clothes.” Just then… it began to rain. 😦

I was 7 miles into my run. My goal was 20. I was chilled to the bone. I was going to shiver the whole way and be miserable on this run if I didn’t do something about this right then and there!!! I decided to head back to my car and drive home to get more gear = my big black TNT hoodie sweat shirt and cheap throw away mittens.

I drove back and began my run again. For a while there, the trail was completely baron. This is odd for a Saturday morning. It was usually jam packed with runners, joggers, walkers and cyclists. I figured this was a little gift for me. I was able to freely escape and zone out and think of the stuff of life that makes me happy.

The last few bike rides and runs have been Garmin-free. I didn’t want to burn out on all my activities so I went back to basics and just rode and ran for fun. I did them both at a conversational pace and have been able to get to know the fellow athletes around me. I think it was a good move on my part. By reading this blog, you probably think that my life is just about working out…. but in reality my life is pretty multifaceted. There was always something to talk about, laugh about and afterwards enjoy a cup of coffee and bond even more. I really did want to know about them more. They are quite fascinating!!!

But Saturday was just me. I was curious to see if all this up and down and no Garmin attitude over the last few months had changed my pace and endurance. My garmin reminded me at every mile that it certainly had changed. However – and maybe it was because of the weather – maybe it was the excitement of the twins – maybe it was the possibility my new found attitude to conquer any challenge out there that was driving me but – I felt awesome out there on the trail that morning!!!

I could have run forever.

FOREVER

Slowly but forever.

I remembered another conversation earlier this week about someone telling me “A 6:30 marathon isn’t for me. Why even train” (that kinda smarted because 6:30 was my time last year at the Fiesta Marathon and exactly the reason why I wanted so badly to redeem myself this year) – and while my pace this morning wouldn’t result in a 6:30 time, it wouldn’t be super great either. I thought a lot about this during my run. I signed up for the full marathon in two weeks and began to doubt my ability. I’ve been inconsistent with my times and haven’t had the opportunity to put in my miles the proper way. And well, bottom line is… my head’s not in the game. The possibility of another 6:30 happening again to me or close to it is pretty high with this kind of doubt in my head. I ended up with a total of 17 miles that day.  Not quite 20. Head games again.. even when I felt great.

So why do I still let people and their remarks get to me?

I don’t know. I really don’t know.

And here’s the heart of the matter… Do I really want to know?

What I do know is that when I am around good, fun, genuine people I am good, fun and genuine as well. When I am around bitter, negative, selfish, stingy, egotistical plastics… I find myself becoming more like them (or any other type of personality for that matter).  There’s a saying – you become like the five people you surround yourself the most. I think I began to take on the goals of those 5 people and forgot about my own.

So when someone from the first group I described shared a thought with me – not knowing my circumstance – it struck a chord.

Here’s the conversation:

Friend: You smile a lot when you run! But not when you race.

Me: Well thats because we’re just having fun putting in the miles here on the trail. Aren’t you supposed to be serious and focused when you race? (I said it kinda sarcastically and now regret it)

Friend: Well I thought the whole point of you taking up running was to find your happiness again? Wasn’t that the first line in the tree picture?

touche

Funny how I keep finding myself back in this situation over and over again. Back to the tree picture… back to the same friends who ground me to the goodness I love.

Smile more. Run more. Become more.

I love you.

Baby love hand sign

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Strong Enough

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2013 by runmyssierun

For a while now, I’ve been struggling with the ups and downs of “ganas” during my workouts.

“Ganas” translation: We use this expression in Mexico and I do not know if they use it in another Spanish-speaking country.

“Échale ganas” is a practically untranslatable expression that means something like “work with a will”, but it’s much more informal. It’s a standard phrase that you say to people when you want to give them affectionate encouragement to keep working hard on different situations in life.

A part of me is used to putting in 110% effort into my workout. Its been unseasonally hot these last couple of months making it necessary for me to put in some long runs on a treadmill in the middle of the afternoon because it’s too hot outside to complete the exercise at that distance in those temperatures (98 degrees in November is NOT good). It’s much safer in a gym with water fountains at your disposal. But much more bbbbbboooooooorrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnnnngggggggg.

That is until someone jumps onto the treadmill beside me. tan tan taaaaaaaannnnnnn!!!!! Let the games begin! Oh come one… you know what I’m talking about…. TREADMILL RACING!!!!

Now, this is fun because I know deep down inside that I’ll win this race today. Oh yes sir I will!!! Because I have my secret weapon on!!! My playlist!!! And it’s on full blast!

So long as the beat of the song has the BPM required to keep the pace, I’ll knock this kid outta the park. (No matter how tired or how hurt, I always run to the beat of the song)

Well, at least until there’s a song change or I get that phone call from that someone that has the worst timing ever and makes the song stop!!!

See, so long as I know what my goal is and know how to get it, I’ll do it. Physically, I’ve proven to myself that I can do anything I set my mind to. I know I’m physically strong enough to have reached all my intended goals these last couple of years, no matter how far fetched they seem to have been at the beginning to me.

However, my mind needs more training. Logically, if my body could keep a steady pace during a high BPM song – even a long DJ Tiesto 20 minute live mix – wouldn’t it tell me that I could sustain that pace regardless of the next song’s slower BPM… or no song at all?

(Insert your comment here that tells me everything I’ve already told myself but just can’t get myself to believe it. Go ahead and scream loudly at this computer screen so that I can hear you from way over here. Go on. Louder. One more time.)

I know… I know… *sigh*

It’s just that when there is silence, my evil sarcastic voice in my head takes over. Sometimes, I’m just not strong enough.

Not wanting to end on a sour note: the good thing about me is that once I recognize a fault in myself, a goal is initiated in me to conquer it and/or improve on it greatly.

I know what I want. Enough teasing. I’m going after it.

 

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fun with dread mills

Posted in Uncategorized on November 20, 2013 by runmyssierun

I.

CANNOT.

WAIT.

FOR.

SATURDAY’S.

COLD.

FRONT.

It’s the middle of November and it’s too dang hot to do long runs in the afternoon here.

I wish I had this guys enthusiasm on the tread mill. It’d be much more fun this way!!

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Philadelphia and my Sissy

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2013 by runmyssierun

One week before I attempted the Capital of Texas Triathlon, an article was publicized by the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. It brought both joy and heartbreak to me as I read the summary.

Sissy – my Aunt who started me on this running journey – had the Philadelphia Strain that the article speaks about.

I had to take a moment to step back and not be angry at time. I had to… I HAD TO see the silver lining, the hope, the advances that one single year makes in science and medicine. I could not allow myself to keep that dreaded wretched question in my head… you know it.

If only she had had more time… if only.

This was our family photo that was used in our Church directory. Sissy is standing on the right. I'm beside her in yellow. Momma and I wore matching suits.

This was our family photo that was used in our Church directory. Sissy is standing on the right. I’m beside her in yellow. Momma and I wore matching suits.

One line stood out to me as I read it over and over again:

the first-ever successful treatment of a lethal cancer at the genetic level

I may not be intelligent enough to discover a cure. I may not be rich enough to pay for a laboratory free of politics and filled with unlimited visionaries to identify the cause and produce a cure. I may not be influential enough to make the world change. I may not be fast enough to garner the attention of big media or corporate sports sponsors to fund this crazy journey. I may not ever win this battle that took the ones I loved.

But what I do know is that for as long as I can, I won’t ever stop. Because someone who gets diagnosed THIS year has more hope and advantages than my Momma and Sissy did just a couple of years ago.  And that’s the only way that I can make a difference.  I must continue to fundraise, speak loudly, swim, bike and run for that stranger who needs us.

I will return to the Capital of Texas Triathlon in May of 2014. I will likely not be on the podium AGAIN… but my hope is that someone out there will live cancer free as a result.

http://www.lls.org/#/resourcecenter/suggestedreading/adultpatientcaregivers/diseasespecificreferencebooks/ThePhiladelphiaChromosome

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Chasing pavements

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 18, 2013 by runmyssierun

Chasing pavements

I have this crazy dream. I look forward to sleeping every night because it is then, when I dream, when I close my eyes… I see it and it feels so real.

I will keep chasing it.

I run after it.
I will find my dream and keep on running until it comes true.

I will. We will. See you there. 🙂

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And sometimes – those times when you forget – those times when you least expect – you get that reminder from the Big Guy upstairs that He is in charge of the miracles around here. And sometimes He’s kind enough to remind you of His power.

Posted in Uncategorized on November 16, 2013 by runmyssierun

20131116-133608.jpg

An orange sky with a rainbow appeared above the running trail this morning.

It felt like the world gave me a hug.

I needed it.

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Give Back with LLS on #GivingTuesday!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2013 by runmyssierun

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sctx/txtri14/mcardenasb

LLS: Truly Relentless

Mark your calendars for #GivingTuesday on December 3, 2013! This year, we’re forgoing Black Friday and Cyber Monday and putting our time and money towards giving back. We’re proud to share that The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) is an official partner of #GivingTuesday and we will be hosting a live online event on December 3rd through our national social media pages.

Learn more about LLS’s partnership with #GivingTuesday and find out how you can give back here: http://givingtuesday.org/partner/the-leukemia-lymphoma-society/.

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Whether you give to LLS or any other non-profit organization, join us in giving back on Tuesday, December 3, 2013. Gather your friends, family, co-workers, peers and more and be a part of a national celebration of generosity on #GivingTuesday!

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Millionaire Winner

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2013 by runmyssierun

“Nashville” Star Charles Esten Plays “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” with a Mission in Mind

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NEW YORK (November 14, 2013) – Actor Charles Esten, who portrays Deacon Claybourne on the hit ABC series “Nashville,” will appear as a contestant on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” with new host Cedric “The Entertainer” in episodes airingWednesday, November 20 and Thursday, November 21, and will donate his winnings to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS). Esten makes “Millionaire” history by becoming the first celebrity contestant ever to make it all the way to the $1 million question on the daytime version of the show! Will he go for it? Tune in November 20 and 21 to find out!

Esten will donate all of his winnings to LLS, the world’s largest voluntary health organization dedicated to funding cures and ensuring access to treatments for blood cancer patients. Esten’s 13-year-old daughter, Addie, was diagnosed with leukemia at age 2 1/2 and, thanks to advances in treatment, is thriving today. Because of their personal connection to blood cancer, Chip, his wife Patty, and the entire Esten clan are strong supporters of LLS.

“It was a dark and scary day when we found out that our Addie had leukemia. The first ray of light was the reassurance from our doctor that there was hope – there were medicines and procedures that could help our little girl. All that hope, and all that help, came from research?research made possible with funds raised by LLS and other organizations. That’s why we’re so thankful and committed to LLS. I’m excited that a fun experience on ?Millionaire? can be used to raise money and recognize the serious work of LLS, which is making a positive difference for blood cancer patients and their families.”

“We have one goal:  A world without blood cancers,” states LLS President & CEO John Walter.  “To date, we have invested nearly $1 billion in research to advance therapies and save lives. We are so grateful to Chip Esten and his family for their support to show that we are helping to save lives not someday, but today.”

“Millionaire” airs weekdays in national syndication.  Check local listings or go tohttp://www.millionairetv.com for time and channel.

Click here to view photo of Esten on “Millionaire” set.

About “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”
As America?s richest game show, “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” continues to be the only game show to offer a $1 million prize to each and every contestant. Since “Millionaire” debuted in syndication in 2002, contestants have won over $80 million! “Millionaire” is produced by Valleycrest Productions Ltd. and is distributed by Disney-ABC Domestic Television. Rich Sirop is the executive producer. “Millionaire” is taped at Metropolis Studios (106 & Park) in New York City.

About The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society
The mission of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) is to cure leukemia, lymphoma, multiple myeloma, and improve the quality of life of patients and their families. LLS funds lifesaving blood cancer research around the world, provides free information and support services, and is the voice for all blood cancer patients seeking access to quality, affordable, coordinated care.

Founded in 1949 and headquartered in White Plains, NY, LLS has chapters throughout the United States and Canada. To learn more, visit www.lls.org. Patients should contact the Information Resource Center at (800) 955-4572, Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. ET.

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I’m just so fat.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 13, 2013 by runmyssierun

Had to share this conversation. I was talking with a couple of other women about beginning a running routine together (we’ve known each other for years and the conversation went deep into our insecurities)

Friend 1: Myssie, I wish I could do the things you do. I’m just so fat. I know if I asked you, you’d go with me but I’d feel so guilty holding you back.

(I didn’t even have a chance to respond before I was beat to the punch)

Friend 2: You are NOT FAT! You HAVE fat. Do NOT let it define you!!!

This is what great friends do for each other. We remind each other who and what we are when we forget how fabulous we truly are inside!!!

Image

When I was 18, I entered my first pageant and won. I entered 21 more pageants after that and won or placed runner up in all but two of them up until the age of 24. Prior to this, I never really thought I was FAT but being thrown into a world where you pranced around on stage in a bathing suit and heels suddenly made you re-think body angles in ways you never thought before. I was obsessed with my body image in my early 20’s and it probably led me into a world of unhealthy decisions… eating disorders.

Even worse… every one around me at the time seemed to be obsessed and guilty of the same thing so the behaviors seemed normal and encouraged.

Hindsight, yes, I had a killer looking body!!! Funny now because I’m still not jealous of anyone else’s body (except Demi Moore and Jennifer Aniston). I’m jealous of the body I used to have. In my eyes, I don’t think anyone else could ever compare to 23 year old me.  I say this because only I knew how my curves and rock hards could measure up against Demi’s or Jennifer’s… and they paid big bucks for trainers and plastic surgeons for their bodies. I didn’t. BUT… that was then… this is now.

Back then, I was my own worse judge and didn’t have a clue how blessed I was to have the body I did. I was never happy with my body and always seemed to want to change this or that. I was too consumed by comparing myself to this girl and that girl. I was young and stupid.

Now, I am older and wiser. I can do things now that I would never have thought possible as prissy diva 23-year old me. I will never wear my Bud Girl dress or swim suit – nor should I at this age (just because you CAN fit into something doesn’t mean you SHOULD wear it). I will never wear the bikini I wore to Miss Texas USA. Child birth, gravity and life have taken it’s toll on my body and it will never be the same. I’ve accepted that. I’m ok with it. But I hope that I will never return to the size I was two years ago even though I still do not consider myself obese at that time (I was a size 14 in the before and a size 4 in the after – I am a size 6 now). Clearly, I was not optimally healthy but not just because of my SIZE. I was eating to cope with the depression and anxiety of dealing with so many family members battling cancer. I am grateful that I have found a healthy outlet for my stress.

ME Before and After

ME
Before and After

I guess what I’m trying to say – and not doing it well enough – is that I had my own perception of what being fat was. I think that perception varies from person to person and even more so over time as well.

I was guilty of limiting myself and my abilities because of this perception that had a strong hold over my behavior. I allowed it to dictate my limits. I let it tell me that I couldn’t wear this or shouldn’t do that and could NEVER achieve the bucket list dream I had. 

I was never a double zero. And get this… I know.. big shocker… I WILL NEVER BE A DOUBLE ZERO!!! But that doesn’t mean that I can’t climb Mount Everest, or write a novel, or be a great mother, or successfully cook a holiday feast, or run for elected office, or manage a fruitful business, or look forward to retirement, or race in how ever many marathons, triathlons or century rides I wish to compete in, or … reach that bucket list dream = Kona.

Fat does not define me. Nor should it define YOU.

I will likely carry around a little bit around my belly and hips though because I suffer from noassatall disease for the rest of my life.

We all have different perceptions and goals. Personally, I adore Maria Kang!!! Will I ever look like her again? Probably not. Will I ever stop trying to look like her? I hope I never stop trying.

But what is key is that just because you LOOK a certain way, doesn’t necessarily mean you are healthy. Someone else could be a perfectly healthy size double zero. But me… I’m a healthy size 6. And you could quite possibly be a completely healthy size 10.

P.S. Every time someone posts those “motivation” pictures on their facebook status, the evil sarcastic girl in my head chomps at the bit to burst out and bust a bubble…

MQ4

Honestly, when was the last time you saw a girl in a bikini and heels lift weights at the gym… The caption on the picture cracks me up!!! “Lift Heavy”?? Really, how many plates you think she’s got? Come on!  Don’t fall for that. I’ve got TRUE crossfitters and body builders that I work out with that scoff at this picture. It’s an insult to all their hard work. This isn’t “motivation”, this is soft porn. Don’t let it mess with your mind.

And guys, if you’re reading this.. it goes for you, too. It goes both ways.

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