Momma’s birthday was this weekend. It was bittersweet. All this week I had learned of friends who had lost loved ones and with as much experience as I have had and so many people telling me kind and comforting words, I still felt I had nothing comforting to say to them.
Maritza (one of the triathletes that trains with me and a beauty queen I have been mentoring for years now) lost her brother this week. It was a complete shock for her and her family. He was just 31 years old.
Jaime (my high school boyfriend) celebrated his birthday on the same day that his father passed away.
You would think that sufficient time has passed for me to be able to offer words of wisdom and attend a rosary or funeral with poise. But I still can’t. I break down too easily. And the harder I try to be strong, the worse off I am.
When does it get better? When does it get easier?
I spent Momma’s birthday on the streets again riding. Everyone warned me of the rain storm that was predicted to pummel us that morning. I have to roll my eyes now. Seems no one believes I have weather angels. *that was sarcasm but kinda true*
The weather was perfect. Absolutely perfect!!!
Halfway through my ride, I got this incredible urge to go straight home. I don’t know what it was but I just had to get home to Dad.
I’m so glad I did. He needed me there. He took today harder than I expected. Sometimes I’m too used to looking up to him to remember that he lost his wife, his sister and his son this last year, too. He is human.
I spent the day listening to him. We played pool, ate some lunch, had some birthday dessert and remembered her quietly in our own ways.
I chose to rest on the hammock in the porch and found myself staring at the swing she so enjoyed every morning with her cup of coffee. She loved her back yard. I don’t blame her. It has the most amazing flowers and birds. In a way, I could still see her on that swing.
RunMyssieRun 