Today I completed my first triathlon. It was one of the toughest experiences I’ve ever had. I can’t wait to do it again!
Today was my swim time trial and last practice before the triathlon on Sunday. The last 10 weeks, I’ve spent training alongside 11 other athletes that will be racing with me at Stanley’s Triathlon.
See, the thing is that they all have grand extensive athletic backgrounds. They played sports and competed in UIL in high school and some have college experience, too.
I was in FHA (Future Homemakers of America) and Drama and Sergeanettes. Not much competitive athletic experience there. I’m not sure I ever broke a sweat in High School. EVER. I ran my very first mile ever in November of 2011. I was 41 at the time – don’t do the math please. Oh! Did I mention that I’m old enough to be the mother of 75% of this team??? I kinda stand out here. I’m the one that doesn’t really belong.
So when I was last to come in on the time trial, yes, I was disappointed once again in myself. BUT I did it!!!
I won’t be on the podium on Sunday. But I’ll finish. And I’ll be well prepared for that triple crown come May.
Because it doesn’t really matter if I place or not. No one thought I could do this. Including me. And I’m doing it. Anything is possible.
ANYTHING.
I’ve surpassed winning already. I’m living. I’m really living life to its fullest.
Thank you Donny for that well deserved lesson. You were right.
You always were.
Oh my life is changing everyday
In every possible way
And oh my dreams
It’s never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems
I know I felt like this before
But now I’m feeling it even more
Because it came from you
Then I open up and see
The person falling here is me
A different way to be
I want more, impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore
And they’ll come true
Just when I thought I had all these changes that life was giving me under control, BLAM! It comes up with more and more on the most difficult couple of weeks that I expect this year will give me. Trusting in the “signs”, I’ve given it all to God trusting that He takes me through what I feel is heavy enough to keep me on my knees for a while. The anniversaries of my mother and my baby brother’s death have kept me in a obvious state of sorrow. The uncomfortable responsibility of creating happy Easter memories for my children to hold dear in their hearts – hopefully replacing those of last year – have made me master the fake smile… even among all the comical mishaps at the ranch. A change in family, job, location, body, health, friends… change is difficult for most people but when my WHOLE life changes, I kinda feel like I’m a deer in headlights right now.
As I embark in my first real triathlon this coming weekend, I feel grateful for this healthy outlet I’ve adopted into my life. It’s kept me grounded, centered, focused and has become my way of giving time to myself, necessary for anger management, meditation, prayer and better health. However, I’ll be honest. Right before each workout and every race, I still question myself and ask how crazy must I be to be doing these bizarre activities!!! Seriously, who does these extreme things… for fun? Fun?!?!?
I began to run so that I could help cancer organizations search for a cure.
I hope that I’ve contributed my miles and donations to someone (or some people) who has (have) benefited.
Because it’s more than a cure now. It’s become healing to me. Therapeutic.
Today is April Fool’s day. Has it been completely foolish to be following all these signs? I don’t know right now. But I do know it’ll probably be more than just a single day that I’ll be foolish. So long as I continue to go forward through this darkness, I trust that I will eventually find light. It’s ok to be dark sometimes.
As my friend recently reminded me “If you were happy ALL the time, THEN I’d think you were nuts.”
Thank y’all for loving me even in my darkness. YOU are my light.
Please don’t forget to donate. Click here to give online to Mimi’s Miles and help me keep the promise I made to my mother.
Power of Life
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will.
It’s all in the state of mind.
If you think you are out classed, you are.
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of your-self before
You can ever win the prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.
My days have been filled with songs that have deep meaning to me. I love music. No, really. I Looooooooove music. It forged a bond in our family and my close friends. I randomly change radio stations and CDs and iPod playlists to see if I can get a “sign”, a “message” from my angels. Weird? Probably. Do I care what you think? Probably not. It’s my thing.
My marathon training and races all had incredible playlists that were custom made. I would download the elevation maps for each race and program high intensity songs to play right at the time when I knew I’d hit hills. So long as I kept the beat of the song, my cadence would take me to the finish. The lyrics would take me to my never never land. The deep bass beats would trance me into rhythmic prayer.
However, my triathlon training does not allow for me to wear my music gear. I now have the music in my head. For the first time EVER, I competed a triathlon this last weekend and had a song in my head on repeat the entire time. I don’t know the name of it. All I know is that it is #8 (as per Christine) of “La Myssie” – a cd that was made for me. Christine is the name of my car. She earned that name.
Next weekend, I attempt my first real triathlon. I don’t know which song will play in my head. But I hope it takes me to the finish.
Momma smiled through everything. No matter how difficult her life, situation or gut instinct was… she always smiled. The above photo was taken as she was being wheeled in to remove 9 brain tumors after having this metal “crown” drilled into her head. She still asked to be photographed so I could see that she was smiling. She taught me that. How to smile that is. She taught me to smile no matter what.
For years as a child, I wanted so badly to look like her, to act like her, to be like her. I practiced smiling in the mirror with a picture of her in the reflection just so that I knew how to hold my lips in a smile that matched hers. I practiced this! I don’t think I truly ever really got it right… but as I look back, I’m pretty close.
Smiling like her though is not the difficult part. The difficult part is smiling like her when it’s just plain difficult.
I’m not sure I can hold her smile on my face this week.
It’s the first Easter without her.
*For those of you that just started following my blog, she passed away on Easter Sunday
It has always been a family tradition to spend Easter Sunday at her house hunting for “cascarones” (aka Easter eggs). We didn’t do it last year – clearly because of her passing. This year, dad and I don’t quite know how to celebrate it. My youngest boy is still young enough to enjoy the tradition of hunting for Easter eggs. My oldest boy is loving enough to put aside his “coolness” and play along for his little brother. I doubt I will see my nephews (the sons of my baby brother who’s anniversary of his death is also this coming week) anytime soon.
I am a bit down. When people tell you that they admire how strong, courageous and brave you are… is it wrong to tell them that they’re wrong?
I wish i could smile like her now.
I wish she was here to smile for me.
I wish I could be teased by Donny one more time. I wish I could hear his laugh. That thundering belly laugh that filled the room with joy. I wish I could get that surprise phone call and hear “boogie woogie woogie” from the other end.
I wish… I wish…
I wish I knew what to do this Easter to make me smile, to keep a tradition, to go on with life, to make happy memories with my children, to ensure they treasure memories as well as I do.
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God Bless Erica, her family and friends. She will forever be in my heart.
I’m too emotional to write much more.
RunMyssieRun 