Fool

Just when I thought I had all these changes that life was giving me under control, BLAM! It comes up with more and more on the most difficult couple of weeks that I expect this year will give me. Trusting in the “signs”, I’ve given it all to God trusting that He takes me through what I feel is heavy enough to keep me on my knees for a while. The anniversaries of my mother and my baby brother’s death have kept me in a obvious state of sorrow. The uncomfortable responsibility of creating happy Easter memories for my children to hold dear in their hearts – hopefully replacing those of last year – have made me master the fake smile… even among all the comical mishaps at the ranch. A change in family, job, location, body, health, friends… change is difficult for most people but when my WHOLE life changes, I kinda feel like I’m a deer in headlights right now.

As I embark in my first real triathlon this coming weekend, I feel grateful for this healthy outlet I’ve adopted into my life. It’s kept me grounded, centered, focused and has become my way of giving time to myself, necessary for anger management, meditation, prayer and better health. However, I’ll be honest. Right before each workout and every race, I still question myself and ask how crazy must I be to be doing these bizarre activities!!! Seriously, who does these extreme things… for fun? Fun?!?!?

I began to run so that I could help cancer organizations search for a cure.

I hope that I’ve contributed my miles and donations to someone (or some people) who has (have) benefited.

Because it’s more than a cure now. It’s become healing to me. Therapeutic.

Today is April Fool’s day. Has it been completely foolish to be following all these signs? I don’t know right now. But I do know it’ll probably be more than just a single day that I’ll be foolish. So long as I continue to go forward through this darkness, I trust that I will eventually find light. It’s ok to be dark sometimes.

As my friend recently reminded me “If you were happy ALL the time, THEN I’d think you were nuts.”

Thank y’all for loving me even in my darkness. YOU are my light.

Please don’t forget to donate. Click here to give online to Mimi’s Miles and help me keep the promise I made to my mother.

Power of Life

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will.
It’s all in the state of mind.
If you think you are out classed, you are.
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of your-self before
You can ever win the prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.

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