Archive for marathon

if I ever feel better

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2013 by runmyssierun

The last few days have surprisingly been the darkest days of my life. Maybe it’s the time of the year and the significance of the anniversary dates… maybe it’s the post marathon blues… maybe it’s just that someone told me I should not be having this much “fun”. They feel I should be sad more. Their wish came true. I’ve found myself turning into quite the hermit and boiling in my own fears and anxiety.

As a result, I’ve questioned the next event that I’m doing (SPI Triathlon) and my ability to do it.

All of my prior events were done to raise money, awareness and in memory or in honor of someone other that just me.

ahhhhh key words… Ā “just me”

This will be the first time that I have done something like this for “just me”. Maybe I feel that I’m not worth doing this? Are my inner demons winning now? Is this the ultimate competition that Sissy knew I’d have to confront? Is this what she had me training for? (thinking out loud – and quite candidly, sorry – I probably shouldn’t be writing all this down for public scrutiny)

So in my despair, I reached out to those who I had gone to help before in search of guidance and advice.

German’s words were genuine and struck a chord with me. “Myssie, this isn’t your first 5k that that we pat you on the back and say good job. This is what you need to do to accomplish your big dream for you. You’ve always done everything for everyone else. Isn’t it time you did something for you? You are an athlete now.”

My immense fear of the bay’s salt water is overwhelming every time I enter it. And I don’t know why. I wheeze like I’m having an asthma attack. It burns and stings my throat and nose. It affects my bike and run afterwards. My heart races as a result. I panic. It fuels my inner demons and convinces me that I’m a failure. Quitting is all I think about. It becomes my only option.

“The salt water in the bay is the same salt water in Kona,” German said. “Conquer it now so we can do Kona in two years. Beat it now or it will kill you. It will kill you inside.”

My focus these last few months has been the bike because of my 104-mile ride in the Nevada mountains. As a result, my run pace has decreased by an embarrassing number of minutes. My swim has always been slow but I know I can go the distance, it’s just dealing with the wheezing and sting. My bike is my only reprieve.

He then went to the other side of the shop and came back with orange Balega socks. “Happy 2nd Birthday,” he smiled.

Luci and German with me at Valley Running Company

It was two years ago that I had walked into his shop to buy my very first pair of running shoes from his wife, Luci. That night two years ago, I ran my first block on the Bicentennial jogging trail. A month later, I ran the very first mile of my life. EVER. Two months later, in December, I ran my very first 5k. A month after that, in January, I ran my first 10k. A month after that, in February, I ran my first half marathon. Six half marathons and two full marathons, one duathlon, two triathlons, and one century ride later…. he still inspires me to do Kona with him.

But first… SPI Tri.

South Padre Island Triathlon

 

CLARITY

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 13, 2013 by runmyssierun

It’s a moment in time when all of a sudden the light bulb shines brightly in your head…

The “Ah ha” Moment!

As I near the end of my TRIPLE CROWN journey, I wanted to take a look back over all the people who stood by me, those who encouraged, those who said it couldn’t be done, those who benefitted, those who joined with me, those who mocked me, those who gave, those who took, those who I lost… and those precious, dear new friends I gained.

Those of you who follow my facebook, twitter, instagram and other sm accounts know that I rarely use names in my posts. I have nick names for family members and simply don’t talk about people I don’t like. *I learned that from Bambi* http://youtu.be/I71cY9Ysy5U

So, if I haven’t talked about you and you want to see your name here, want acknowledgment of some sort and are upset because you feel I’ve left you out… think again. Ask yourself, “Is she protecting my privacy or is she upset because I hurt her?” Regardless of the answer, know that you certainly have NOT been forgotten.

The ones that deserve more recognition than I have given… I’m going to continue on with my kudos and their nick names:

Dolly Gas – I was 18 years old when I first met her. Even back then I -and everyone else- knew this woman was soon to be the pulse of the Valley. She has a gift unlike any other, that of kindness and generosity unmatched. It is always when I least expect her to be by me to lift me up that she is there. She has been one of my biggest supporters, largest donors, most encouraging fan and dearest friend. For over two decades, this woman has shown me by her example all that I hope to be.

Butterfly Angel – This woman is so incredible! When I first met her, she didn’t know who I was and started talking about me to me. When I got to know her story, it was so similar to my own, I felt from the get go that we were true sisters. We both knew the torment that cancer causes and the torment of running a marathon… together. She has also been one of my biggest supporters, largest donors, most encouraging fan and has quickly become a dear friend. From bike jerseys that have turtles to orange bike gloves to hiring an artist to paint my first running shoe… this woman thinks of everything!!!

Les is More – This woman was one of my baby brothers dearest friends. She was accused of untruths and blamed for things that she did not do. She still had the grace to keep her head high, crush the lies and still do the right thing by killing the accusers with kindness. When those things happen to me, I look to her for guidance as her example has led me through way too many situations that flooded my eyes with tears and brought me to my knees… from those same people who tried to take her down. She has not only donated to EVERY Leukemia & Lymphoma event I’ve been in but she has also been a fabulous mastermind to several fundraisers for me as well.

My Breakfast Roll Club, PNO, and the “Family” – If laughter, love and encouragement had a dollar value… with all that they have given me, I’d be a gazillionaire. Honestly, I did the math.

Because the above have given so much, I keep their identities sacred so that others do not attack them for donations. Unfortunately, our world revolves around money and the people above have worked very hard for the money that they have and are always being hit up. People see their deep pockets and not their overflowing hearts. I’ve been the lucky one to be a recipient of their overflowing hearts.

Coach – I know… I call so many people “coach” because I have so many (running, triathlon, tnt, flex, vrc, etc). I often boast that the world is my coach because of all the lessons I’ve learned these past couple of years. But my close circle of friends/fellow athletes know who my “coach” is. While she has not made a donation, it is the skill, motivation and experience that she has shared with me that trumps any dollar amount. How can you put a monetary value on self-esteem?

Xman, Skittles and Little Skittles – I could not do my long runs on Saturdays, open water swims on Sundays or 80-mile bike rides in the hill country without these boys “taking up the slack” at home. They’ve waited for hours for me to finish marathons with cowbell and posters. They ran 5ks with me for training. They shaved their heads in solidarity. They gave me swimming lessons, took the dogs out, folded laundry, swept fur off the floor, quietly watched TV in the other room while I recovered and even followed me around on one marathon with ice chests full of ice, water, gatorade and fuel for me and all the other runners around. How can you put a monetary value on sanity? There’s no way I could train the way I do without this kind of support at home.

And now to “those”

To the mothers (especially) and families of Sarah, Ben, Baby E and Dezma… thank you for allowing me to befriend the grandest treasure of your life. Thank you for having the courage to tell the world of your struggles and your triumphs. Through your grace I have found my resolve. Thank you.

To the fellow runner who accused me behind my back of lying about my mile times. Thank you for getting me angry enough to run even faster than what I had stated and was smart enough to have proof the next time on my Garmin. YOU made me faster. Thank you.

To the jealous gym bunnies, false friends and former co-workers who made my life miserable with gossip, flirting, accusations and making fun of the hand sign that my mother and I treasured so deeply… I hope one day you’ll be able to experience the self esteem and confidence that I gained. You probably need it more than I ever did.

To those hundreds of people who wrote to me with questions on how to get started on your own journey, please know that you ARE worthy enough to make yourself the same promise I made to myself. DO NOT GIVE UP. Not on yourself. Value yourself more. Trust me, I struggle with the same issues you do. Many of us do. NEGU

To that stranger who ran a marathon for my mother and my aunt Sissy without ever knowing who they were… THANK YOU. Thank you for giving us six more treasured years together. Thank you for all your hard work and dedication and training and fundraising and sacrifice and anonymous grace. I will probably never know who you are but I hope that I honor you for what you have done by doing the same for someone else in the same circumstance.

To my sponsors… WOW! It is honestly overwhelming to attempt to even try to name them all here (some are at the top right corner of the screen if you’re on a computer or at the very bottom if you scroll down on your phone screen). To think that a business owner saw enough potential in me to give a portion of their hard earned money and donate it to some crazy person doing an extreme physical event so that someone they or she would never know could get their cancer treatment, transportation, housing or possibly a cure just fills my heart with hope for our world. God really does work through us all. In all our deeds and thoughts, He is in us. How else can you explain this?

To my donors… Each one gave as much as they possibly could in honor or in memory of a loved one touched with cancer. So many gave me names, photos and stories of those they gave for. Each one touched me to the core. I knew many and felt like I knew the rest after hearing the stories. From $5 to $2000, the donations kept coming in. I did my best to tell their stories to any who would listen. I did even better remembering them when I wanted to quit running, swimming or cycling. Because what I was going through couldn’t be nearly as hard or as painful as what they went through. Thank you donors. Your money is going to someone as special as my mom was to me.

To my Team in Training teammates, fellow Maniacs, Cyclepaths, VRC running class, RWC girls, 5am wake up riders and RPM classmates, thank you for pushing me and encouraging me. I always felt guilty as I was the last to come in (always) and knowing that each of you sat and waited for me to finish each practice and event. You did so with cheers and smiles and no complaints. I am honored to have had each of you by my side. YOU WOULD NOT LET ME QUIT. Thank you for that.

To my family – Thank you for sitting in the hot sun and the bottom of heartbreak hill with posters and cheers before I even knew what heartbreak hill was! Thank you for homemade banana nut bread for recovery… yes, bananas ARE supposed to be eaten to help with lost potassium. We’ve gone through so much together, I am so thankful that the silver lining for us is a much closer, loving family than ever before.

To my friends – Homemade pasta carb-loading dinners pre-race night, custom wet-suits by design, dinners in San Diego, floor seats to the Spurs before race day… the extravagance of their generosity is amazeballs!!! I am one of those lucky people who has lifelong friendships that count. They never EVER forget me and the bonds are unbreakable. Clearly. They know that what I am doing is completely different from what I have done all my life… I’m a professional princess šŸ˜‰ And they still treat me as the legend in my own mind. I really do have the best friends ever.

To my brother – I know you are still with me. EVERY SINGLE EVENT I have done has had a Foo Fighters song blaring out at me at one point or another. I know you are still with me. Now stop laughing at how slow I still am!!! You weren’t fast either!

To my Sissy – Thank you for pushing me into this journey. Thank you for knowing that this would be the perfect opportunity to meet your biological family. Thank you for planning my journey back to self-esteem and health. Thank you for NOT picking zumba (as I first joked to you about).

To my Momma – Thank you for the courage and strength you showed all your life but especially while you were being attacked by cancer. Thank you for being the roll model I still struggle trying to portray. THANK YOU FOR EVERY SINGLE CHOICE YOU MADE. Thank you for telling me every chance you got that I could do anything I set my mind to. You were always right.

Thank you world.
I see what I must do.

14 bruises

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 18, 2013 by runmyssierun

What a week! This morning I missed my early 5 a.m. wake up bike ride and did some one handed bike drills and speed intervals with Coach Sandy and some of the Multi-sport Maniacs. I don’t want it to seem like bragging so I feel the need to say this up front now… I really am very surprised that my legs are not hurting and sore as how I would imagine they would be. Coach Sandy really does know what she’s doing. She’s making me stronger!!!

This morning was really awesome with Coach!! Ā She took us along a stretch of road that was laced with sugar cane fields. There isn’t a lot of traffic so it’s safe for us to practice drills and high speed intervals in flat straight lines. The best part was that she came up to me and recognized that I was improving. Albeit, I still have a long ways to go… but I’m improving!!!

The whispers of the sugar cane silenced my worries. There have been a lot this week. The sound they make is amazing. If you ever have the chance to run or bike by a sugar cane field on a windy day, I promise you, you’ll feel the magic. I needed to feel that.

sugar cane

About three weeks ago, I fell while on a bike ride. It wasn’t a huge smash boom crash. It was one of those slow motion I’m-falling-and-can-order-a-triple-latte-and-still-have-20-seconds-left kinda falls. I was able to buffer my fall with my arm and caught myself with a giggle. No biggie. But my ego got hurt.

The following day, I noticed a bruise on my butt and some tenderness around… well you know… down there. I saw them but casually blew them off. I mean… come on. They’re bruises. That’s all. I rode the Hell of the South a few days later so clearly they weren’t bad enough to stop me.

But they were enough to make a friend of mine tell me that they were not normal for that kind of fall. She is in the medical field and I have to admit… she made a good point. Ā I believe I can properly quote her with “OH MY GOD! Those aren’t bruises! They’re Hematomas!”

I now have bruises all over my body for no explainable reason. Fourteen of them!

Now, I debated on whether or not to make this little trial of mine public on this blog. After watching Robin Roberts last night accept her award at the ESPYs, I knew I had to. Whether or not this is life changing, it becomes responsibility when you know better to educate those around you.

So here goes…

I went to the doctor and got my blood checked. I have symptoms that could possibly identify leukemia. Bruising, fevers, night sweats, increased white blood cell counts, weight loss, tiredness, tingling and numbness… and other symptoms. In the back of my mind, I have answers and reasons for each of those symptoms. I’m a clutz. I fall off my bike. That’s why I bruise. I exercise a lot, that’s why I’ve lost weight and am tired. etc etc…

But after all that my family has been through, wouldn’t it be really stupid if I did get leukemia, saw all the signs and then ignored them because I was scared?

The smart thing would be to address the issues with my doctors and medical team.

My doctor did find some problems in my blood. I have been referred to a very good doctor at Texas Oncology. Please keep me in your prayers these next two weeks. Deep down inside, I do not believe that I have cancer. However, ignorance is NOT bliss. If I do have it, I hope to identify it in the early stage and fight it with everything I’ve got. If I don’t have cancer, I hope that someone out there who may have similar symptoms sees this and has the courage to address it properly, too.

Notes of support

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2013 by runmyssierun

I found this note on my car windshield just as I finished my tempo run today on the trail that started it all for me. If you got just half the inspiration and support that I witness everyday, you’d understand that it’s impossible to stop now.

I ran into Coach Hector Gandara’s run class today where a beautiful blonde woman came up to me and said “I don’t know if you remember me but I asked you a while back for advice on how to start running… And here I am!”

I told her she was in the right place with the right people who will guide and encourage her and stressed “just don’t give up on yourself!!!”

Did you hear that? I’ll say it again… To you:

DON’T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF

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Donate now

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 1, 2013 by runmyssierun

Donate now

Because someone out there needs help getting their treatment.

Because someone out there has a 2 year old little boy who may soon lose their mother to cancer.

Because someone out there has a child who has cancer and still has dreams of becoming a fireman.

Because someone out there still has hope.

Because someone out there is working on the cure that will change our world.

See the orange “donate now” link up above here? Click on it and give. What if it was your $20 that actually changed our world? Make some day be today. Please donate.

Donny

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 11, 2013 by runmyssierun

Donny Continue reading

Team in Training

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 21, 2013 by runmyssierun

Life’s a beach

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 12, 2013 by runmyssierun

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If only I could photoshop my way through this challenge. Still can’t believe this is really me!!! I look mean!!! If I were cancer… I’d be afraid. I’d be very afraid. I’m on a mission to destroy it! But gotta wonder, can I still do it with my dimples on?

My Mission Moment

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2013 by runmyssierun

I lost my best friend to Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma just a few months before he was to walk with me down the isle at my wedding. His name was Rodney Perez. He bravely battled cancer for 5 years. He died at age 24.

I lost my grandmother, Lorenza “Lencha” Cavazos and grandfather, Narciso Cavazos to Leukemia.

I lost my baby brother, Donny Cardenas, not from cancer but from what cancer does to loved ones and caregivers… what no one talks about, the stress that the family deals with while caring for their loved ones like financial stress and emotional stress. He felt he had to take on this burden by himself. He dealt by eating all the wrong things, drinking, locking himself up from the world. He had a heart attack at age 38.

I lost my Aunt Sissy – the woman who raised me while mom worked and went back to school. Leukemia stole her from us and her three years of retirement that she worked all her life for.

I lost my beautiful close friend Jana Miller. A brilliant doctor, fun loving and kind hearted… many you were in Junior League with her. She was diagnosed at stage IV during her 3rd year of med school. She finished, practiced and became an active member of the community. Few people knew she lived ten years with cancer. Her smile fooled everyone.

I lost my Momma. On Easter of this last year. Exactly one year after we lost my baby brother Donny. Eight months after losing her sister Sissy.

I’m sorry. I can’t talk about my Momma. It’s easier if you watch the video below or read my blog archives later about her.

I joined Team in Training because I thought that if the world and God saw how hard I was trying to do this impossible run… then maybe, just maybe, the world and God would make the impossible cure possible.

And when I ran my first full marathon in San Diego, just a couple of months after my Momma died, a woman yelled at me – when I wanted to quit – I was at mile 22 – she said “You are running for the treatment that has kept me alive! Please, don’t stop!”

Thats when I understood that hundreds, thousands of strangers for years before this had run for the treatment that allowed my mother to spend 6 more years with me, 3 more years with Sissy, 10 more years with Jana.

So I close with what I’ve had posted on my facebook over this last year…

I never ran to try to beat your time
I ran because I tried to buy my mom more time
I ran so that I could help find a cure
I ran so that I could help my mom pay for that cure
It didn’t work out the way I had planned
Now I run so that you don’t have to go
through what my mom and I did.

See, the thing is that I first thought I was running for a cure for my Momma.
I had no idea that Team in Training would be a part of MY cure.

Thank you

 

Smile when your heart is aching

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on January 4, 2013 by runmyssierun

Today I got my Encore medal from the Rock N Roll Marathon for completing more than one marathon this year. It’s beautiful… Sparkly…. And of course, predictably with orange letters šŸ™‚

It’s a bittersweet reward. Still no cure.

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