RunMyssieRun

It’s not the same. It never will be. It was never supposed to be. But I don’t think it was meant to be THIS different this year.

https://images.app.goo.gl/aMEpWdzHZvhe14cz7

I’m struggling with holiday season this year. 2020 is a $h!t show. Let’s just call it as it is. I don’t cuss but there really isn’t a better way to describe it. Over the last few years, the deaths of loved ones and the deployment of my son and husband not being here have gotten me used to holidays being… different empty meaningless lackluster and without tradition. I’ve always gone out of my way to convince myself and others to find the silver lining of it all and be grateful. I’ve always been good at that but now in hindsight, I see that I’ve set up my youngest son to expect big ticket items without family sitting on the living room floor, singing Christmas carols by the piano, eating tamales and sipping hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows on top and dressed in our Sunday best for midnight Mass. I feel I’ve failed him. I feel 2020 isn’t going to give me a chance to fix this.

Divorce and death and step-family and quarantine don’t seem to work well as ingredients to a happy festive holiday celebration. And as I look around, I don’t think anyone else has the playbook with the answer guide to what we should do to make it work.

So, here I go… trying to figure it all out.

I’m going to begin a GRATITUDE journal. There’s no room for a pity party in these times. That’s not what days like these are supposed to be. My youngest is 17 and this is likely one of his last Thanksgivings and Christmas’ here at home with me. I need to make it special and can’t do this by myself. I need your help. How are you making it meaningful for you and yours?

2020 sure has screwed up a lot of plans for us huh? 2020 is the year I turn 50 and for the last 8 years I was telling myself that I’d do a full Ironman when I turned 50. Little Miss Rona laughed at me and said “hold my beer”… *poof*

What do you do when the world is smack dab in the middle of a pandemic, am confined to my home for quarantine and the big Five-Oh rolls around? Nothing. That’s what. All races canceled. And who’s there to help you? Carbs. Yes, carbs…. y’all, I’ve become a flabalanche of regrets!!! And now I must pay the price for my bad judgement. 😩

Ohhhhh but it’s not all bad. I’ve become more aware of my bad habits. I’ve learned how my body reacts to stress. I’ve learned there’s ALWAYS a way to get to your goal, it just may not be the way you originally planned it to be or at the time you wanted it at. I’ve grown my respect for those who have the tenacity to endure. I’ve learned there’s more like me out here in the world that struggle in all the ways I do and in even more ways than I could ever understand. We fall and we get up again.

But getting up again at 50 is sooooo much harder than getting up at 40!!! Thank goodness I still have my sense of humor and have allowed myself grace.

Remembering my daily workouts helped me with my business and my spiritual and mental health. Just like doing your sprints, fartleks and long runs on different days of the week for months, you must put in your trainings and workouts for work and emotional well being. I learned to time block and schedule activities for my business just as if I was training for a marathon. On one day I would dedicate a certain number of hours to focus on computer inputs, the filing, the processing, the customer communication, the continuing education, etc. On another, I would focus on showings, listings or marketing my properties. For those “long run” days, I’d fit in as much as I could watching pace and form correcting as much as I could about myself so I could do more and better the next time. And I scheduled rest day, too. Marathoning taught me how to be a better entrepreneur and my life, my clients, my bank account and my family have welcomed the benefits of it.

Same pattern of behavior went towards my spiritual and emotional practices. All my friends, family, clients and fellow Realtors know that at 7:00 EVERY day, I am praying. At first I hesitated telling anyone that I was unavailable for them because of prayer but I have yet to get a response that lacked support and understanding. In fact, many of them have asked that I keep them in prayer for a special intention.

Unfortunately, the lack of training and the sudden splurge in excess carbohydrates have reeked havoc on my booty and belly and endurance. I knew what I had to do. Quarantine opened my eyes to a lot of things I took for granted and things I needed to prioritize. My health and family got immediately pushed up and I had to make changes ASAP. I began remodeling my home to accommodate these changes.

I terminated and removed ALL excess expenditures including my family’s multiple gym memberships. I used those savings and bought used equipment and converted one bedroom into my home gym. And y’all know me by now… When I decide to do something, I go 110%. It has EVERYTHING so there’s no excuses.

I make time for peace now just like I do my workouts. Go outside, escape from the news, stress, people, disconnect from social media. I have become so close to nature now that I’ve been called Snow White by my friends. I’m even applying for a permit to officially be able to rehabilitate birds. And this is probably one of the most surprising things I’ve learned over this short period of non-running time…

I’ve rescued and released about 50 birds to date but one stands out. I named him Nemo because he has a gimpy wing. A kind stranger dropped him off at my home after he was attacked by a dog. Half of his right wing was bitten off and all of his tail was gone. But his will to live was something to marvel at. As each day passed, he grew stronger and calmer around me. His feathers are growing back and he looks at that perch 6 inches above him the same way I look at the finish line from mile 22. So close! So close yet so far away!!! When I first received him, I didn’t think he would fly again much less live the next day. Today, one month later, I think he’s on his way to prove me wrong. And I hope he does!!!

I hesitate on saying I’ll never run competitively again. Nemo reminded me that the word never is just as useless in my vocabulary as impossible. I do have another goal though. Few know about it… but just like the perching bar six inches above Nemo, I’m staring right at it and once I make the decision to do something…..

I was asked why I haven’t updated my blog in a while…

And then I wondered how to tell them that this part was none of their business… in a nice way, of course.

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

CROSSING THE LINE

Seven and a half years ago, I made the decision to do all I could to help those who have been hurt by cancer like how my family and friends and I have been hurt. Running a marathon would not bring the world a cure. It would not bring back my best friend Rodney Perez, my Aunt Sissy (Luz Gomez) nor would it bring back my beautiful Momma (Mimi Cardenas). Crossing the finish line after six months of insanely dedicated workouts was far from the end. On the contrary, I believe it is just my beginning.

Like I said before in my earlier blogs, I had no clue what possessed me – the overweight, non-athletic, outta-shape, 40+ anti-gym rat – to enter a race, much less a MARATHON!!! But I followed my signs and trusted the advice of Sissy. She was right.

“Life is not a race — but indeed a journey”

Did you know I have weather angels?
I expected myself to be the last one in since I was the only full-marathon participant who had never run before… EVER in her life. So when it came down to our team practice runs, I dreaded having the others wait hours for me to come in. I would pray the night before for a “healthy” run and over cast morning with a breeze so that the others wouldn’t have to suffer while waiting for me. Each long run of the season that I ran with the team had over cast mornings with a cool breeze up until the very moment I finished. And yes, I did finish without any health problems. I must have weather angels and the blessings from above.

Did you know that I live amongst angels?
From the moment I decided to make this crazy journey, I was led in the right direction to the angels who live amongst us. Had it not been for German, Lucia and all the inspirational staff who took me under their wings at Valley Running Company, I would not have lasted two weeks in this “sport”. Had it not been for my run class, Coach Jetter, and all my wonderful run clubs like iRun, Run Walk Crawl, Me Myself and Run, Sole Sisters and my TnT Team mates and extremely patient TnT coaches and my fabulous mentor, I would have given up at shin splints and ice baths. My boss – wow. She lost her father to cancer a year before I lost my mother. She knows my drive and determination very well. Probably because hers is pretty identical to mine. Her support was beyond extraordinary. I knew she could read right through me when I was hurting and she knew that I knew. And she let me continue. I had to. Anna, my co-worker, had been battling leukemia from the first day I was employed there. Her strength and courage drove us all to pitch in what ever we could. THIS was all I could do.

For those of you who don’t follow me on Facebook, here are the highlights that I posted right after the race:

1. As I got the high five from Jean Gearhart at station #4 the band nearby played “Hero” from the Foo Fighters (the band that my brother Donny loved), she said “Looking good Mama” – just like my Momma used to say. I couldn’t stop the tears.
2. A soldier in full gear with a full ruck sack and boots passed me at mile 10. I looked to the side and the crowd saluted him.
3. As my body began to break down at mile 17, a man not much older than me said “excuse me” and passed me on the left with his daughter. How do I know this? The back of his shirt said he was running for his daughter. The girl beside him said “survivor”. She had to have been my son’s age.
4. I hit my “wall” as I entered the island. My legs were heavy and stiff and I felt like I was giving birth again. The pain was intense. A woman yelled out to me “You are running to fund the research that has allowed me to live. THANK YOU so much! I am here because of YOU!”
5. The Perez family all came to meet me at the finish line. Rodney’s mom came up from behind me and hugged me and cried for about 15 minutes. We spent the evening having a wonderful dinner and catching up on life as we know it now. None of us could gather the strength to talk about Rodney. We still miss and love him so!
6. 3,000 runners sit for the inspiration dinner the night before the race. Six big screens hang from the ceiling with a picture and a caption “We are running in Memory of Luz Gomez” – that’s my Sissy.

My mother passed away the week that I had planned to run the Austin 10/20 race in memory of Sissy. As many of you know, I did not run that race so that I could spend those last few days with my mother. But I am a woman of my word and Sissy is really that special to me so I must continue. The Nike Women’s marathon will be run for her.

And how very fitting. Sissy really knew what she was doing for me. I knew she had it all planned out. I am so very grateful to her and hope that each of you continue to join me on my journey. Come run with me.

Each step I take brings us closer to a cure. This eases my pain and sadness in knowing that those last few years that my mother gave her body to have science experiment on her so that others could be cured was not in vain. #Relentless for a cure