Fa La La La flop 2020

It’s not the same. It never will be. It was never supposed to be. But I don’t think it was meant to be THIS different this year.


I’m struggling with holiday season this year. 2020 is a $h!t show. Let’s just call it as it is. I don’t cuss but there really isn’t a better way to describe it. Over the last few years, the deaths of loved ones and the deployment of my son and husband not being here have gotten me used to holidays being… different empty meaningless lackluster and without tradition. I’ve always gone out of my way to convince myself and others to find the silver lining of it all and be grateful. I’ve always been good at that but now in hindsight, I see that I’ve set up my youngest son to expect big ticket items without family sitting on the living room floor, singing Christmas carols by the piano, eating tamales and sipping hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows on top and dressed in our Sunday best for midnight Mass. I feel I’ve failed him. I feel 2020 isn’t going to give me a chance to fix this.

Divorce and death and step-family and quarantine don’t seem to work well as ingredients to a happy festive holiday celebration. And as I look around, I don’t think anyone else has the playbook with the answer guide to what we should do to make it work.

So, here I go… trying to figure it all out.

I’m going to begin a GRATITUDE journal. There’s no room for a pity party in these times. That’s not what days like these are supposed to be. My youngest is 17 and this is likely one of his last Thanksgivings and Christmas’ here at home with me. I need to make it special and can’t do this by myself. I need your help. How are you making it meaningful for you and yours?

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