A man shared with me not too long ago that after he lost his child to cancer, he also lost his job, his house and his marriage. He used his sons college fund to pay for his daughters treatment and was head first in the quicksand of debt. He stared off into space as if he was reciting a poem that wasn’t authored by him. His voice cracked as he looked up and said “buy hey, I’ve got my health.”
I’ve had some pretty deep conversations lately with strangers. Isn’t that weird? How you can spill your guts to a total stranger easier than you can talk about those same feelings with your best friend? Hmmm you don’t? Well at this moment and with this topic… I did.
Maybe it’s because I’ve spilled my guts before to people who I thought were friends and they used that weak point against me later on. I’ve found that sometimes speaking to complete strangers is quite liberating. We can’t judge each other because we’ll never see each other again. It’s pure emotional venting of the soul.
Oh… wait… did I just call myself weak? Fantabulous!
See, I am weak. I am no stronger than anyone else out here. I cry. I sob. I turn red and blotchy and boogers run uncontrollably out of my nose and get rashes on my neck because of emotion. I shake in anger. I can’t speak in clear sentences when I’m flustered. I can’t sleep some nights. I can’t wake up some mornings. I have a tremendous amount of guilt that I must live with every single day. Why did cancer choose those that I loved instead of me? Why do I have to live without them? Why?
Ahhhhh… but remember that promise I made. I’m never going to let you see that side of me. I won’t say that it doesn’t exist because it does. But just as my mom didn’t allow others to see her in pain… I cannot allow you to see me in mine. Well, at least I keep it to an absolute minimum population.
So don’t you call me a fake because I’m smiling in all my photos. And don’t you try to compliment me by saying I’m strong or brave or courageous. I am none of these things.
I am my mother’s daughter.
That is the only label I will never wiggle out of.
____
The book is on again. But I’m going back to square one. If I’m going to do this… I’m going to do it right. Taking much longer than I expected and it’s much tougher than I predicted. But isn’t that the story of my life? Book galleys to a select trusted few should be ready in about 90 days.
____
As promised, continued media links for Eddie Arguelles
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving” – Eddie Arguelles
Mike Padgett said this earlier today: “We had a large turnout at 5 AM this morning for a memorial ride for my best friend, Eddie Arguelles. Lots of emotional, spiritual, and physical support for friends and family. Three cities supported the ride with police escort. Local bike shops sent SAG vehicles. Cycling clubs and groups, competitive and social riders bonded together to show the love that we all share for Eddie. Eddie did a lot of blogging and even wrote about “Memorial Rides”
Eddie wrote this in his blog: There is a willful species in the world that carries with it nothing more than a simple code of ethic. It is true of every single one in this species, persistence! You will never keep a cyclist down, you will never break the bonds that are established in our crazy little groups of suffering, you will never dull down the sharpness of our camaraderie, you will never break our spirit, you will never beat us, we always win!
Thursday, April 24, 2014, exactly one week – almost to the minute – of Eddie Arguelles’ fatal hit-and-run, hundreds of cyclists, close friends, co-workers and family gathered at Starbucks in solidarity for Eddie, showed support for the cycling community, and collectively gathered to discuss what can be done to minimize the number of auto/cycling/pedestrian incidents in the Rio Grande Valley. We finished the ride that Eddie wasn’t allowed to. And we did so with a little underlying fear inside a good number of us, with a whole lot of pride in all of us and reflecting upon all the wonderful memories that we shared with Eddie.
I watched in awe as the crowd of supporting cyclists grew and grew and grew. I have to admit that I giggled to myself for just a bit as I remembered the term “militant cyclists” that was used the day before in a response to the letter to the editor in a local paper.
“Is this what he meant by ‘militant cyclists’?” I asked myself as I witnessed each rider hug and console each other with invigorating calmness. No, we are NOT militant cyclists. But we certainly are NOT pushovers either.
For decades I remember the Valley being labeled as backwards and ignorant and uneducated and lazy. Now, I find myself in the midst of community evolution. A horrific tragedy happened and we have all learned from it and are carefully and quietly and intelligently discussing methods of change, playing devil’s advocate and observing all sides of the issue. This is what gives me hope. And we all know what happens to those who do not change. And change IS happening. We are now more forward thinking, intelligent, highly education and active in lifestyle and community than ever before. Sure… there are still those who do nothing else but hangout in the neighbors garage and float a keg, smoke some weed, and have nothing productive to offer the world. But that doesn’t mean that this latter population is the majority. Clearly by the responses published here (on the link below), the ignorant WILL NO longer be ignorant to the issue.
The 5AM Wake Up Riders efficiently and effectively organized THE most mesmerizing bike rides of our life time. We all met together once but discussed details as they developed on almost an hourly basis over the last week via group text and resulted in a fine tuned event with a very loud message.
“The event is a way to keep Eddie’s memory alive, and rather than focus on the tragedy, it is a way to focus on the way he lived his life.” Ramon Hermida
“In my opinion, this is the best way to counteract the disgusting act of drinking and driving. It demonstrates the beauty of clean living.” Ileana Garcia-Spitz
I arrived to the ride a little early to the Thursday ride, just as I did last week and waited in my car until about 4:20a.m. This is my speculation but I’m pretty sure that after learning the details of Eddie’s hit and run, he was hit right about this time exactly one week ago from that moment. I took that time to reminisce and be grateful for all that I had and had been given.
Because of the large number of cyclists that were predicted to come, we were directed to the Lowe’s parking lot next door as to not over crowd the Starbucks parking lot where we all normally gathered as the starting point for our ride. I unloaded my embarrassingly dirty orange “Mimi” bike, I was immediately greeted and blessed by Big John, the same man who greeted and blessed me at my very first bike ride event ever… Arbor Day 2012. That was a great sign. I took a good look around.
Wow! So many cyclists! This early in the morning??? We must be nuts! Nah, we must have all been really touched by this man to all be up this early in the morning and not filled with anger but actually overflowing with love and respect.
I made my way through the crowd from Lowes to the entrance of Starbucks. I leaned my bike against the wrought iron fence and immediately began scanning the area for the best light and angle to capture the moment and the enormous crowd.
“Are you preparing for the selfie?” someone asked.
“Yes, yes I am.” I replied. This one was going to go down in the history books. I had to get it right… for Eddie. I couldn’t let the light hearted part of the ride disappear because someone took Eddie from us. His light hearted humor must remain and this was the only way I knew how to keep it there. “Andale Myssie!!! We’re waiting for the selfie!!!” he would yell at me jokingly. I had to get it right. Andale.
I was given the bullhorn and Monette, Eddie’s widow, took the speaker. I watched and listened in pure awe as she gracefully thanked the crowd for their support. Her voice cracked and her lips quivered but her eyes looked straight into the hearts of the cyclists in front of her. Her strength and bravery and stoic beauty was enchanting. I stood by her, completely still unable to breathe, holding the bullhorn with tears gushing and mocos running out of my nose so very thankful that all the cameras were BEHIND me unable to capture me in the emotional state I was in (or so I thought).
Eddie Palacios led us in prayer for safety and thanks for all our blessings and then Mike Padgett announced the 5AM Group expectations and safety reminders. He went over the course route and then the floodgates opened when he read us a quote from Eddie Arguelles’ blog. (I posted it above) And even the President of the University came and spoke to the group.
“Today, all of you ride in his memory,” Dr. Nelsen said. “Somos familia. We are a family. Be safe. Keep him in your heart. Keep Monette in your heart. And remember, this is about Eddie, and this is about us all being part of one big family.”
And then it was my turn… I felt my throat immediately go dry. I had explained to the crowd that Eddie had me take silly selfies of him and I and anyone else who rode with us that day after every ride… and I wasn’t about to break that tradition that he and I enjoyed. However, I did add something new, a little bit of me and my Momma. I asked the crowd to do two selfies. One of all of them just being normal and the second with their hands raised up in the air with the hand signal that says “I love you” to Eddie. AND THEY ALL DID.
And then we all rode off… together.
I waited to the very end, like I usually do. It was completely and totally surreal. The whirr of the 400-some bicycle tires churning in unison over asphalt was the hymn of unity, remembrance and honor. I turned the corner onto Jackson Road going South and took my eyes up off the tire in front of me and said just one word… ‘WOW’
The sight in front of me was nothing short of spectacular. From Highway 107 (aka University Drive) all the way South on Jackson Road to FM495… pretty much as far as the eye could see were flashing red lights of bicycles, two by two, all along the bike lane for miles upon miles in the velvet black of night.
Three cities, three police departments, almost three hundred cyclists (the numbers are still in question) united together for Eddie, for what he loved to do, for what he wanted his family to do, for what he had hopes of his community embracing… for the love and benefits of cycling.
The community has spoken. And the conversation has just begun. About a year ago, I had posted that I was warned about the various bike gangs and how territorial they were about their members, their distances, their paces, their bikes… and I admit I saw it then… but not on that morning. There were no gangs. There was only a “species”. The one species that Eddie spoke of in his quote.
I find myself now in the beginnings of an enormous wave of change. It will anger some. It will empower many. It will be necessary or it will be our own fault for allowing our world to morph into IDIOCRACY (yes, just like the movie).
It was June 25th, 2013, at about 4:45 in the morning in a dark parking lot on the corner of Jackson Rd and Sprague in Edinburg that I had my first real welcoming to the 5am Wake Up Riders. I had been riding my bike for just a few months prior to that but this was the morning when I had announced to the group that I would be riding up the mountains of Nevada 5,000 feet as a challenge to raise money and awareness for cancer in my mother’s memory.
“Do you have the course and elevation?” one of the riders asked.
“Oh ya sure! Here, it’s on my phone.” I replied and showed them with pride the steep incline and decline on a photo in my phone.
I swear each of them took a step back and gave me the now coined “look”. I knew they thought I was crazy but they NEVER told me that I couldn’t do it nor insinuated that it was impossible with my background (or lack of) or in this timeframe that I had. This group was unique.
Now, not to take away from the other cycling groups around town because there are lots… but the other groups who also had experienced, competitive cyclists never really greeted me with welcomed camaraderie. In fact, I witnessed quite a few noses stuck up in the air when I came around their group rides. Regardless, I always smiled to them when I wasn’t scared to death.
The 5am’ers never left my side. When it got to the point when I needed to reach 60, 70, 80 mile rides… they were always there for me right alongside me regardless of what ever they were personally training for. Tuesdays and Thursdays were for either recovery rides or sprinting intervals and weekend rides were for long distances.
And it was the Tues/Thurs rides that I loved the most… because I knew that fellow coffee addict Eddie would be there and we’d share some coffee and chit chat and laughs afterwards… or during the ride. Now, I’ve NEVER been a morning person. Everyone who knows me KNOWS that… and I’m basically a useless zombie without coffee so when I discovered that there was another cyclist that understood my situation… I knew it was true friendship!!! 🙂
So by August 20, I had already become coffee buddies with Eddie. I hadn’t had a lot of sleep the night before and was a complete zombie. I just honestly was NOT in the mood to be out riding… but I did it. Before every ride, the gang always asks each other what ride we are all doing so that we can partner up and ride in groups. Some of us, depending on training and events, need longer faster rides, some of us need shorter slower rides and some of us just need the fastest point between “A” and coffee. Eddie and I were in that last group.
This is what was posted on August 20th:
“Which ride are you doing? The air port? The long ride? Or the short ride?” I respond “I’m riding to Starbucks” click click — at 5AM Wake-Up Ride.
That morning I was so out of it that I forgot my ATM card and Eddie actually bought me my coffee.
We took our time and sipped our coffee in bliss and because of that, it ended up being Eddie and I by ourselves riding back. We returned going North on 10th from Starbucks and turning right on Sprague instead of continuing North to 107 and looping to Jackson because we both needed to get back in time to take the kiddos to school. I’ll never forget that conversation we had in the darkness of Sprague Street.
“So what’s the deal with Billy? Is he seeing that friend of yours? Are they dating?” he asked.
“Yes! And it kind of caught me a little off guard, too!” I replied. *We were always playing cupid.
“How so?” he asked.
“Well, because I had been trying to set up Wally with a friend of mine that I was running with, Laura, but she had just reconnected with an ex-boyfriend, and then I tried to set him up with Alex but then out of the blue.. here comes Billy!!” and during my conversation I had lifted up my arms because I tend to talk with my hands and he started laughing hysterically.
“You just lifted your hands from the handle bars!!!!” he exclaimed with pride!!!
“OMG I did!! Wow!”
“Do it again!!!” he egged me on and let go of his handle bars clapping.
I tried unsuccessfully.
“Well I’m glad that Billy is happy. But what about Wally now?” he said.
“I don’t know. My poor mijito. He’s such a good kid.” I replied.
He let out a little giggle and said, “Wally can be an *** sometimes but when he loves, he loves hard. Who ever the next girl is, he’s going to fall hard for her.”
It was at that moment that I realized we shared a trait that extended beyond coffee and beyond bikes. We shared an extremely protective nature of our friends. We were both mother hens and he saw exactly the same thing that I saw with our dear cycling guru, Wally.
Last Thursday, I sat with Eddie at Starbucks after our ride and beamed with pride as I was able to share with him an instagram photo of two bikes together in the park.
“No way!!!!” He screamed and smiled at the same time. “That’s Wally’s bike! Who’s the other?”
I coyly showed him the bike owners photo… and sat back for his reaction.
“Dude! You need to set the rest of these kids up now!” he said in a tone that contained approval, disbelief and giggles all at the same time.
On Thursday, April 17th, I could not wait for coffee and chit chat with Eddie as the new couple told me they “made it official” and shared with me a photo of themselves together. I had it ready to show Eddie because he was right. Wally really did fall hard for her. I think she’s the one for him.
Eddie Arguelles was my coffee buddy, my long ride comedian, my chisme comadre. I would not have made my training for my century ride without him always by my side. He taught me how to change gears correctly, how to master the starbucks order and how to pucker for selfies. I am overcome with grief. God be with Monette Escaname-Arguelles and their family. Please know that we all loved him so very much.
I attended the arraignment hearing for the two boys that killed Eddie. It was a packed house filled and overflowing into the hallway and parking lot with supporters and fellow cyclists uniting together for a change in our community streets.
Eddie lost his uncle just a few years ago in the exact same manner… a drunk driver killed his uncle while he was riding his bike. Three people just this month lost their lives on bicycles in Hidalgo County.
The problem that is blatantly in front of all our eyes is that we have a serious driving problem. Distracted driving, texting and driving, drinking and driving, drunk driving, drugged driving… it goes on and on. Our problem is way beyond sharing the road. Our problem is our own self-centered thinking that because of our safe cars that we drive in every day, we think we are invincible and do whatever we please because… well, what we’re doing at that very moment is more important than what ever anyone else is doing… or who anyone else is.
I CAN SAY THIS BECAUSE I AM GUILTY OF FEELING THIS WAY AND TEXTING AND DRIVING OR PUTTING MAKE UP ON WHILE DRIVING OR DRINKING COFFEE AND DRIVING… but I’ve never done drugs and drove and I’ve never had a DUI or DWI… but I’m not like most people. I have had six automobile accidents in my lifetime. Four of them were caused by drunk drivers. None of the accidents were my fault. But I’m not like most people.
As the news of Eddie’s tragic loss flew across all platforms of social media, I was taken aback by G.J. Reyna’s quote: “There are two types riders, those that have gone down and those that will.” But I’m not like most people. I have not gone down nor do I want or accept that I will be. It is ridiculous that cyclists, or runners (because when I was a single sport athlete, many runners were hit by cars as well), must not only be out of breath because of their tough workouts but they must also accept that at any random time a distracted driver can get away with taking their life.
On Saturday morning, I admit that I was not able to get back on my bike. I allowed fear to deter me from the joy that cycling gave me that was once shared with Eddie and the cause that I promised my mother I would not break. After Ramon said his traditional riders prayer, I asked the group to do the biggest “selfie” I’ve ever attempted. It was a comical tradition that Eddie had me start. And I was successful.
Eddie always had me do a 5am “selfie”. I couldn’t break tradition. Especially for him. This is by far the LARGEST selfie I have ever done!!!
I wrapped the arms of a hundred cyclists with bright yellow bands and the newbie TNT cyclists that Eddie looked over each Tuesday and Thursday morning with yellow roses and I rode in the SAG vehicle that followed the group that eventually broke up into various speeds along Jackson Road. The “short loop” was officially renamed “Eddie’s Coffee loop” that day.
I yelled for the first time to my fellow cyclists to make sure that they kept their lines so that crazy distracted speeding drivers wouldn’t take another cyclist friend of mine away from me. I felt guilty for doing that.
The core group of 5am’ers gathered after the ride and reminisced over our good times. And it was during one of these little interviews around the tables at Starbucks that I remembered Eddie sitting at with me. And it was during one of these little interviews around the tables at Starbucks that Mike Padgett said “He died doing what he loved. I hope I die that way, too.”
And THAT was what hit me hardest… the realization that each of these riders around me do something that they love so much that they know each time they mount their bike, it could be the last time. And they do it anyway. They know the risk is sky high and they do it anyway. They know there is little that can be done in the society that we live in today and they do it anyway.
Well, I CANNOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN ANY LONGER! Eddie was just as much a mother hen as I am and I know he’d back me up. But I cannot allow Mike Padgett or any other of my friends or myself to die on a bike without a fight, without a plea for help from my fellow citizens, without begging to please please please make a change.
Put down the cell phone. Don’t drink as much as you do… and if you can’t stop drinking or drugging, call a cab or a friend who is not under the influence and in the morning, please, seek help.
I beg you, please, learn the laws of our shared roads. Some of those turning lanes that you’ve been using or parking in are actually bike lanes and if your F-350 is blocking a cyclist from using it, you’re forcing them to go into the major traffic lanes and endanger their lives. Please don’t think that your life is more important than theirs. We are all equal.
And the same goes to cyclists. PLEASE follow road rules.
I’m going to end this long rant with the words from fellow 2-wheeled amigos who at this moment seem to have been able to capture the right thoughts with the right words and not place anger and emotion into them.
G.J. Reyna: This is a serious problem. It makes no difference what you ride, 2 Wheels are 2 Wheels! Motorcycles or Bicycles we ALL need to do more! Public Awareness is our only tool to make this happen. We need radio, print, tv and ALL forms of socialmedia. Myssie Cardenas-Barajas is on the right track. Problem is that this will take “everybody” all the time to stay focused and not just one person and not just when we loose and friend or family member. Are YOU really going to wait until it hits home. Keep in mind people, NO ONE is immune to this. Every time you jump on your type of two wheels, make sure your lives are in order because it may be your last ride. In our motorcycle world we have a saying or a creed and it goes “There are two types riders, those that have gone down and those that will.” If you dont believe this then you really have no business riding. These accidents will never ever stop but we can all do our part to make sure these lost lives are not in vain by limiting them through public awareness.
I found a message today by Dan Santella, one of the local Monitor reporters, asking me about Eddie. I saw his request too late but it made me want to sit down and write about Eddie because so many people have only heard a headline or listened or viewed a sound byte. I have known Eddie since I was a freshman in high school. In these 24 years, I have had a few observations.
For those that never had the opportunity to meet Eddie Arguelles, the things they should know about this marvelous man:
1. Eddie was ridiculous. He made everyone laugh. Often times at his own expense. That was part of his charm. He wanted people to feel good about themselves even it meant being ridiculous. Once he became a father and a step father, this was taken to a whole different level. Whether it meant having his nails painted or getting down on all fours to play with his son, he did it.
2. Eddie was not always an avid sports enthusiast. Matter of fact, for a long while Eddie hated even the suggestion of exercise. PE was definitely not his favorite subject. But when he began riding and became part of the community, the change was astonishing.
3. Eddie collected hobbies unlike anyone I know. AND there was no in between for him. If he was going to do something, he was going to go all in which meant buying all of the necessities and gadgets he could. Surfing, woodworking, biking, computers, cooking, motorcycling…he was all in. And that ridiculous man was good at it all.
4. Eddie was a musician and a writer. Therefore, Eddie loved and lived life with passion. He embraced tragedy and questioned love like only a musician/poet can. He loved music and books in their purest and rawest form: dirty because of the misplaced emotion and rough like the women the music described. Boleros, ballads, heavy metal, his tastes were as eclectic as his hobbies; his reading ranged from Kant to Herman Hesse. It seemed only fitting that he passed the day Gabriel Garcia Marquez died. I imagine them now discussing philosophy, and music over a coffee and a cigar.
5. Eddie was a photographer. He didn’t advertise this as much as he should have but Eddie would take wonderful photos. He had the eye for the unusual and the beautiful. His favorite subject that shadows all of the beautiful images are the images of roadkill that he collected on riding trips.6. Eddie was a philosopher. His love of philosophy was rooted in music because with music he was able to meet and talk to people in a laid back manner, a perfect setting for a philosopher. We had many late night conversations about the existence of God and man’s search for meaning. He read Nietzsche (for awhile there he was a bit too obsessed with him) and Kant and could argue like the greats. His uncle Juan fed his lust for knowledge and understanding but Eddie never let one person be the source for him. Everyone gave Eddie insight. That was why so many people were drawn to him. He listened and engaged.
7. Eddie should have been a professor though the piece of paper really would not have made a difference. Eddie was already a teacher and a professor. He helped everyone he came in contact with. There are generations of people, young and old who can easily tell you about the great lecturer that Eddie had become. That is why there are so many people who light up when you ask them to talk about Eddie Arguelles.
8. Eddie was the greatest cheerleader you could ever ask for in a friend. Eddie was the type of guy who would ride along side you and make sure you could make the next mile then ride ahead just so he could be there for you at the finish line. He wanted everyone to succeed even if he couldn’t. This applies not only to sports but education and community as well.
9. Eddie’s loyalty was legendary. If you messed with anyone Eddie loved, you messed with him. And he took his friendships seriously. There is nothing Eddie would not do for a friend. He loved like only a strong man can. He cared for his friends to the point of being so angry at their self destruction that he would cut them off hoping they would realize their faults. It worked most of the time because to disappoint Eddie was like making your superhero cry. The thought itself demanded reform. And that is how Eddie saved so many from the dark side.
10. Eddie was not perfect. His was a journey to become the man everyone is now talking about. For years he didn’t see how important he was and, honestly, there were a lot of people who didn’t see it either. He used his hobbies as ways to develop himself. With surfing, he developed his love of nature, with woodworking he developed patience and attention to detail, computers taught him to be analytic, music put him in touch with his roots and allowed him to see love even in the sadness of breakups and death, music also made him a romantic and gave him the confidence to sing in front of a crowd, philosophy honed his intellect and developed his thirst for knowledge, motorcycles fed his lust for living on the edge then, when he took to cruising, he learned art of zen; bicycling gave Eddie more than a philosophy, it gave Eddie desire, it fed his competitive spirit, it gave him a community and a family, and finally, it taught him that with his mind he could surpass his pain and finish the distance.
But when he met Monette and gained a Skylar as his step daughter then when they had his son, his life became complete. He always wanted to be the type of father who would always be there for his kids, who would love them so completely that they would never want for anything. And he wanted to love someone with all of his soul, someone who was his intellectual and spiritual equal not his arm candy or someone he felt obligated to be with. Eddie was the father and the husband that he wanted to be and he did both more passionately and perfectly than even he could imagine.
“Which ride are you doing? The air port? The long ride? Or the short ride?” I respond “I’m riding to Starbucks” click click — at 5AM Wake-Up Ride.
RunMyssieRun 