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Certain things are likely

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2013 by runmyssierun

1554534_10153676217425068_1042486816_nIt was the last weekend of 2011 and I had recently finished my first 5k (at the Fiesta marathon) and right between Christmas and New Years… the perfect time to give up on your fitness routine because of all the parties and temptation and seriously… resolutions start AFTER December 31st, right???

Wrong

This resolution was to be life changing for me at that time and even though I didn’t know anyone running that morning at Bill Schupp park, I knew I owed it to myself and to Sissy to get in as many training races as possible… so I did it.

And I ran it.

And ran it again the last weekend in 2012.

And ran it again this last weekend in 2013… today. But this time it was with my two boys. THAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY YEAR!!! To know that I’ve made so many sacrifices these last two years, so many lifestyle changes and so many positive impacts by staying true to myself and my running fitness goals that it impacted the lives of my sons… by their choice.

You have no idea how gratifying it is so see this come full circle.

Sissy certainly knew what she was doing. Three years ago, had you told me that my boys and I would be running races for “fun”… I would have laughed hysterically in your face!!!

I do love the new “me” that I’ve fought to become again… again? Yes, again. I am slowly becoming the woman I was a long time ago and was reminded of that just last night when my old friends from high school all came together to celebrate Billy’s wedding.  If you are familiar with 80’s movies, you know who Molly Ringwald is. Well, there was a part of me in every character that Molly played. I refer back to Molly a lot because in high school, my friends were the real breakfast club. And I was Molly.

Of all the characters that she played, I was probably most like Andie Walsh.

I still love the classic Karmann Ghia, shop at thrift stores, sketch designs and am surrounded by music (although not a music store in my real life unless you consider iTunes as the modern day music store) and I’m least like Claire Standish because although I did win my city’s local crown, I was hardly a princess. I don’t think I could do the lipstick trick (I never tried) but I could do the cherry stem trick 😉 and I still swoon over the dark haired bad boy. What is probably MOST predictable is that I married a guy who honestly really did look like Jake Ryan. I’ve been coloring my hair for so long that you’d never even know that my real hair color is copper red!!!

xavmys

I’m rambling

So anyways as my old Breakfast Club reunited (sans a few members) the talk and the realization of who I used to be and who I was becoming were quite similar. THANK GOD!

In my teens and early twenties, I felt like I could do anything I set my mind to. I conquered all! There were no limits. In my late twenties, thirties and early forties, I felt like I could do nothing right.

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Each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal.

My Breakfast Club friends – life long friends – helped make me feel like I could do anything. And I hope that I don’t diminish how special they are to me by saying this next part because NO ONE COULD POSSIBLY BE AS WONDERFUL FRIENDS AS THEY WERE TO ME AT THAT TIME but now I feel like through all these run groups, team in training, Maniacs, cyclepaths, etc….  is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal.

When the original Breakfast Club was together, we were unstoppable. We could change the world if we wanted to in 72 hours. We never realized what we had at the time.

Now, I have a new Breakfast Club. The members are all so very different from each other. Some of us still tear each other apart with misunderstandings and gossip. (Not like my original Breakfast Club) But some of us… some of us are pretty dang awesome. And I’ll bet if given the chance, they could change the world in 72 hours if they wanted to.

I am so glad that I am part of this motley gang of misfit fitness fanatics. I am so glad that I have the family that I do. I am so glad that I was raised by the family that I had. I am so glad that my Breakfast Club reunited and remembered who I was and who Sissy wanted me to be again.

The great thing about Andie, Samantha and Claire is that all those characters went through some crazy drama, she had a few trusteds that she vented with (Yes, I have a “Duckie”, too), but with the help of her friends and the love of her family and a little bit of creativity… she gave up something that was dear to her and gave it to the handsome bad boy

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she transformed the humble gifts that were given to her and creatively combined them all so that she could show the world that they did not break her, and she showed up to the big event and showed them..

In the end, Molly always got the kiss and the storybook happily ever after ending… and that’s where I hope I am now. Sometimes I feel like my whole life has been written by John Hughes. Sometimes, I wish it was.

2014… it’s time to get it right. I know my goals. I know how to get them. It’s not going to be the trite “New year/New me” lingo here… I want the old me back again. So here we go!!! With the help of my friends and family…

WHAT’S HAPPENING HOT STUFF?????

Don't you forget about me. (*Rodney Perez)

Don’t you forget about me. (*Rodney Perez)

To my Duckie…

Taking it back old school so that I can move forward.

http://youtu.be/M9VUZDtktc8

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Chestnuts roasting, Christmas wishes and resolutions

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 26, 2013 by runmyssierun

I spent the majority of this week frantically doing last minute shopping, taking care of my sick boys and dad and fighting the same fight over and over again day after day. I’m exhausted. I’ve run only two miles since the half marathon last week. I haven’t ridden my bike in weeks! And it’s been seriously way too long since I’ve swum a lane. This time last year, the holidays hardly made a dent in my training.

This year… it’s a different story. But it’s also way more complicated, too.

Regardless, I need to get back to a sensible balance where I can do everything I need to do. Stop eating those dang goodies and stop sitting on the couch and watching “It’s a Wonderful LIfe” all day long.

Funny thing about “balance” though. The great ones don’t balance their life… they focus on goals and everything else gets put on a back burner. If you are a great one, those who support you offer help where they can because they genuinely want you to achieve success, those who envy begin to chatter about your back burner items because they desperately wish they could do the things you do. If you are a balanced one, you usually aren’t extraordinary enough to be chattered about… and you don’t get offered help because people think you have everything under control. As I sit back and look at this and wonder which one I am… I’m a bit discouraged either way. Bummer.

However, if you’ve been following me for a while, you KNOW how I escape all that drama. (*hint: it’s MUSIC)

Santa did good this year. He got me some new wireless ear buds!! This year my resolutions need to be epic but followed up with a plan to make them attainable. So, I do foresee some pretty wild playlists being created to be used on some new races being added to my local agenda so I can use these great new ear buds!!! I’ve always been fascinated by learning new things so as I review each of my prior years resolutions, I’ve learned that they’ve all been about learning new activities or ways of life. The only resolution that I keep placing on my to-do list year after year and have yet to get accomplished is learning conversational Spanish fluently.  So just to keep tradition, I’ll place it on my list again this year. The other promise that I didn’t keep to myself this year was to complete a pull up. A REAL pull up.

Thank goodness, I received a note from an old friend of mine who I hope will help me achieve this feat soon with a new type of workout. This new workout is really good for developing upper body strength, core, balance and flexibility… all needed to become a better swimmer and cyclist. Pole fitness will enter my New Year’s resolution!!! (Stop it! I hear you laughing!!!)

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I’ve been working on a book for a few months now and after a conversation with my publisher, decided to reformat and redesign once again. I will become an author next year.

After all I witnessed this last week, I need to become a bigger part of my Dad’s world at least for the sake of his health (and my sanity). I will officially activate my Real Estate license and become a partner with him this year.  (I’ve been procrastinating a bit on this for several reasons. Time to move on.)

I have focused a lot of my energy to bring awareness for cancer these last two years and my fight is not nearly over, however, my focus will change as my eldest son goes to college.  Time is precious. Don’t let it slip away from you. I will not stop. I’ll just tone it down a bit. Maybe I’ll help coach? Who knows. 🙂

Now that I’ve discovered the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, I must take steps to incorporate it into the lifestyle of my family. It brought me such great joy to have them run with me at a few of the local 5ks here and to have my son teach me how to swim. Doing all these activities together bonds us and I need to make sure that it’s not just a phase but a daily habit for them to teach their children and grandchildren.

And as weird as this may sound, I have never been able to participate in an ACTS retreat because I always had a little one in the house and never had the heart to send him to Grandma’s house for the weekend in her condition to watch him. Now that he’s older, he’s a bit more self-sufficient and needs little supervision – or at least less than as an infant, I feel I need a whole lot more of God in my life and now is my chance. I think this would make my mother proud and I think it is the hole in my life that I need filled.

I also need to take the time to find and keep joy in my life. It seems that there will always be conflict, anger and disappointment every day no matter what so I need to find a better way to deal. I love painting, photography, dancing and music so making sure that I have healthy, artistic enriched outlets on a regular basis is critical for my well being… and understanding supportive friendships to share them all with. (*that may include some wine and/or bubbles with these activities)

And lastly, I may end up taking this one back but I’ll try it for a while….

Everyone asks me “What are you doing next?”

Someone quite special told me that he rarely tells people what events he’s doing and responds by saying “I’m training for Hog Dash!” (for you non-locals, Hog Dash is a 5k mud run – and he tells people this because he feels that it’s none of anyone’s business what he’s training for). As I reflect back on his advice, I think everything he’s told me has been spot on. So aside from this weekend’s Resolution Run (an annual tradition) and CapTex in May, I hereby publicly announce that I’m training for Hog Dash!!!!

So that’s it… These are my resolutions. Aside from the usual eating better, losing weight and shaving time off my PRs… I’m pretty content with my decisions.

I get to end this year with a Christmas that was nothing like what my Momma organized every year, attend a wedding where I get to witness one of my oldest lifelong friends give his heart away, teach my youngest son how to ride a bike and run with the women who started it all at the race that made running my lifestyle.

This year was rough. Each year becomes tougher. It would be really reckless of me to expect otherwise. Every hardship has taught me a lesson but hasn’t calloused me enough to make me bitter. I think it’s actually made me softer and more forgiving in many ways. I pray that this will make for an interesting year ahead, one that I hope to share with you in all my wild and crazy adventures to fulfill a promise.

My Christmas wish did not come true – but it was  a pretty big one so I’m ok with Santa not making it happen. My Christmas was still pretty awesome. Hope yours was, too. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!

Did you get your Christmas wish? What was it?

What are YOUR New Years resolutions?

RWC Christmas party

My “RUNSPIRATIONS” = the women of Run Walk or Crawl running group
I would have given up on myself and running had it not been for these amazing women of immense support. They all came together and brought over food when my mother passed away and they helped gather donations for my Team in Training cancer fund and some even joined me in running a few marathons for TNT. They are relentless!!!

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A Super-sized McMarathon

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2013 by runmyssierun

I ran my first street block in October of 2011 in the quiet darkness of the Bicentennial trail.  I was 41 years old with no history of athletic skills whatsoever. (However I did do videos of Gilad and Jane Fonda aerobics in the 80’s)

Bicentennial trail at night

I ran my first mile in November of 2011.

I ran my first 5k in December of 2011. It was the Fiesta Marathon’s 5k. I finished in just under 45 minutes. I ran like Phoebe in the TV sitcom Friends.

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I ran my first 10k one month later, January 2012 at the Port Isabel Longest Causeway race.

My first 10k - The Longest Causeway run

I ran my first Half marathon the next month, February 2012 on the Birthday of my baby brother, Donny, who had just passed away less than a year before that.

Tears for Donny

We lost my mother to cancer shortly after in April of 2012. I took all the sadness, anger and every pent up emotion that I had stuffed inside of me and used it to run my first full marathon seven weeks after her death.

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I recuperated for a couple of months after that but realized quickly how healing Team in Training was for me.

I went on to do several more half marathons with TNT: one each month until December of 2012 when I decided to revisit my first race… the Fiesta Marathon. But instead of doing the 5k, I challenged myself to do the full 26.2 miles.

It was too much too soon for me. After the 172 Campaign for Vannie Cook Children’s Cancer Center half (September 2012), the Nike Women’s half in San Francisco (October 2012) and the San Antonio Rock & Roll half (November 2012), I ended up injuring myself seriously in the first 6 miles of the Fiesta Marathon (December 2012).

Not wanting to admit to myself that I was seriously hurt, I went on to do the Herothon half in San Antonio in January 2013.  It was clear to me that something needed to change.

Running with Team in Training allowed me to take my feelings out on the pavement. It gave me permission to vent. It gave me pleasure to know that I was helping someone else who had gone through what I went through. It gave me hope to know that I was running alongside survivors. I DIDN’T WANT TO STOP. If I stopped…. I was scared that my sadness and anger would end up exploding and hurting those I loved.

So I found an alternative. TRIATHLON!!!

I gave my achilles the chance to heal for a few months while I learned to swim and ride a bike. 10 weeks after I learned to swim, I completed my first triathlon.

Stanley's Triathlon

And a couple of months after that… I completed the Capital of Texas Triathlon.

captex finish1

And then became the first in our region to win the LLS Triple Crown by completing a 100-mile century ride in the mountains of Nevada at Viva Bike Vegas.

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Scattered in between all these events are several other QUALITY local races, duathlons and triathlons that I used for experience and training… but when it came down to the marathon in December… my blood boiled.

I wanted so badly to avenge myself for the mistakes I made last year. I wanted so badly to do well.

Sadly, for as much as I wanted it and planned for it and prepared for it… I think God had other plans. The reasons that I wanted to do well in it didn’t match the reasons that I joined Team in Training in the first place. The reasons I wanted to do well were ego based. I’m glad now that I recognized it and chose to do the half instead for all the right reasons.

The Fiesta Marathon of prior years was moved to Edinburg and upped in date. It was replaced by the Inaugural McAllen Marathon on the same weekend in December. It was bitter cold and on a route that I had never run before but I was surrounded by my TNT team mates, Maniacs, RWC girls and Cyclepaths all along the course.

I started out the race with a dear friend that I missed so very much. She lost her mother as well. Stephanie and I have lived mirrored lives for so long. Running in the city of my home alongside an old friend felt unusually natural. Unlike other races where nerves kick in… this one had no nervousness. Just pure excitement. I ran alongside the women who took me under their wings while training for my triathlons. Three fierce women who had just completed a half ironman a short while earlier and they weren’t even breaking a sweat. Karen Watt jokingly blurted out “It can’t be good when you get passed by a Christmas tree!” A runner dressed up as a Christmas tree had just run past us.

As I got warmed up, I began to peel off layers of clothing and wrapped the sleeves of my jacket around my waist. My pace slowed down while I did this when a man running behind me a few paces sped up to tell me that I was his inspiration. Caught by surprise and still a bit uneasy with compliments, I think I blushed and admitted that I didn’t think I’d be anyone’s inspiration that day. I was going to take it easy and enjoy the run. He ended up sticking along with me throughout the entire race. Gotta admit, his unexpected compliment made me feel really good.

I could not believe how many friends were there cheering!!! Sooooooo many Team in Training team mates, soooo many RWC and VRC fellow runners and their families all yelling their lungs out with cowbells and posters and hugs and hand signs!!! Seeing their faces light up when they saw me… it was like the sparkle in my Momma’s eyes through theirs. It invigorated me.

I chose 2:19 as my finish goal. This is the birthday of my baby brother, Donny. I figured that if I run the first three miles at a 9-and-something-minute mile pace, I can easily finish the rest of the race at a comfortable 11-and-something-minute mile pace and enjoy my hometown marathon event. All went well as planned until towards the middle of mile ten, I had just passed my run gurus high five cheer (German Medrazo) at the Valley Running Cheer stop when BOTH my legs cramped up with charlie horses. I was at a complete stop. I seriously could not move any further.

I got so scared that I took a look back to make sure that no one was about to run into me. I was about a half a block away from German and thought maybe I should shout out to him… but then what??? I simply stretched and stretched and stretched my calves out. I can’t honestly say that I stretched them out to the point where I was pain free but that stubborn ego inside of me knew the finish line was just a 5k away and I had already wasted my perfectly paced time on this stretching. I impatiently got up from the curb and hobbled on. I dropped down to a 12-minute pace. I knew at that time I lost my goal but kept on. What else was I gonna do? My car was over there. I couldn’t go home by snapping my fingers.

I hobbled on and hobbled on until a big black truck drove close by me with a Kenyan chasing it. THAT’S THE FIRST MARATHON FINISHER!! How cool is that to cross the finish line WITH A KENYAN!!!

I am stoked! I am beyond stoked! Can you imagine the stories I tell my friends about this???

“Ya… here’s my finisher photo with my crazy fast Kenyan run buddy… We finished at the same time. Well, he finished just a few seconds before me so technically he won the race and got the check.” — Oh man!!! I could milk this like the biggest fish story ever!!!

Nope!

Cramps again. There goes that awesome story. I stop for a while and stretch again because I simply cannot move my right leg at all.

“SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP! The freakin finish line is two itty bitty blocks away!” – my inner voice yells at me… AGAIN.

So, I hobble on. I finished with a smile on my face in the most amazing sunshine ever.

Best of all… I finished for ME. I didn’t half-ass it. I did the absolute best that I could. It might not be as good as YOU are but guess what…. I’m not you. And I am soooooo very happy for that because I don’t think you’ll ever see or feel what I did that day.

What makes my dream any less than your dream? We are all different. We all want different things in life. And I can change MY dreams any time I want and I can even get new dreams. How ’bout them apples?

Health and Happiness… my dream has never changed. The path to it, however, sure has.

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Do I wanna know?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 25, 2013 by runmyssierun

The cold front blew in Friday and I was chomping at the bit to run in the rare chilly weather (*chilly = 42 degrees). I know… I know… some of you Yankee amigos are giggling at that reference but honestly, we don’t get below 70 round these parts much!!!

So let me backtrack a bit for some randomness over the last couple of days that lead into the rest of today’s story…

A few days ago, my best friend since high school had twins!!! This woman is downright amazing. Phenomenal, I tell you! She has this charisma about her that infatuates EVERYONE around her. I remember her scoring an almost perfect SAT and treating it like is was no biggie. I can count on the fingers of ONE hand everyone I consider knows, has and has seen all the best (and my favorite) musical artists of all time. She would be the thumb. She’s a crazy red head who is silly enough to always have the best time EVER doing inappropriate things and smart enough to never get caught doing them! She’s successful, organized, funny, styled to the T and is now… a mommy to Fiona Ray and Jake Ryan. I am beyond elated!!!

*p.s. She asked me a while back ago for some name suggestions. Jake Ryan made the cut. I found out just last week when I helped throw a surprise baby shower for her. Jake Ryan is for the most beautiful boy of all my favorite brat pack movies…

So anyway… (sorry, I had a moment there reminiscing with Jake) it got me thinking… I’ve always wanted a big family. Could I have another baby?

Here we are in our 40’s, all settled into our ways of life… I mean really, 40-some is just too old… right? It’s too hard on a woman’s body. Child bearing is for young women. Right? Do I wanna know? Whether or not I feel I can do it, I know for a fact she can.  Taking up running at such a late age in life the way I have and finishing so many marathons, triathlons and that amazing century ride… surely I can handle a baby. Hmmm…

Fiona Ray and Jake Ryan and their fantabulous Mommy!!!

Fiona Ray and Jake Ryan and their fantabulous Mommy!!!

Well, I HAVE been saying that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Right?

And then I got the picture text to me on the phone. My heart completely melted. I was breathless. Enamored.

I woke up Saturday morning snuggled up warmly under my big blanket and for a moment hit snooze. It was almost like the trail itself got up and pushed me outta bed as it suddenly dawned on me… IT’S COLD!!! Let’s go run!

It was an amazing run!!! I began very early in the morning… 5:00a.m. I was scheduled to do 20 miles. I bundled up. Thermal leggings, shin socks, thermal long sleeve jersey with those cute little cut outs for my thumbs and a light wind breaker. YAY!!! I don’t get to wear winter gear often!!!

As I began my run, a light drizzle fell. I thought to myself, “Eh, that’s ok. It’s not rain and won’t soak all the way through my clothes.” Just then… it began to rain. 😦

I was 7 miles into my run. My goal was 20. I was chilled to the bone. I was going to shiver the whole way and be miserable on this run if I didn’t do something about this right then and there!!! I decided to head back to my car and drive home to get more gear = my big black TNT hoodie sweat shirt and cheap throw away mittens.

I drove back and began my run again. For a while there, the trail was completely baron. This is odd for a Saturday morning. It was usually jam packed with runners, joggers, walkers and cyclists. I figured this was a little gift for me. I was able to freely escape and zone out and think of the stuff of life that makes me happy.

The last few bike rides and runs have been Garmin-free. I didn’t want to burn out on all my activities so I went back to basics and just rode and ran for fun. I did them both at a conversational pace and have been able to get to know the fellow athletes around me. I think it was a good move on my part. By reading this blog, you probably think that my life is just about working out…. but in reality my life is pretty multifaceted. There was always something to talk about, laugh about and afterwards enjoy a cup of coffee and bond even more. I really did want to know about them more. They are quite fascinating!!!

But Saturday was just me. I was curious to see if all this up and down and no Garmin attitude over the last few months had changed my pace and endurance. My garmin reminded me at every mile that it certainly had changed. However – and maybe it was because of the weather – maybe it was the excitement of the twins – maybe it was the possibility my new found attitude to conquer any challenge out there that was driving me but – I felt awesome out there on the trail that morning!!!

I could have run forever.

FOREVER

Slowly but forever.

I remembered another conversation earlier this week about someone telling me “A 6:30 marathon isn’t for me. Why even train” (that kinda smarted because 6:30 was my time last year at the Fiesta Marathon and exactly the reason why I wanted so badly to redeem myself this year) – and while my pace this morning wouldn’t result in a 6:30 time, it wouldn’t be super great either. I thought a lot about this during my run. I signed up for the full marathon in two weeks and began to doubt my ability. I’ve been inconsistent with my times and haven’t had the opportunity to put in my miles the proper way. And well, bottom line is… my head’s not in the game. The possibility of another 6:30 happening again to me or close to it is pretty high with this kind of doubt in my head. I ended up with a total of 17 miles that day.  Not quite 20. Head games again.. even when I felt great.

So why do I still let people and their remarks get to me?

I don’t know. I really don’t know.

And here’s the heart of the matter… Do I really want to know?

What I do know is that when I am around good, fun, genuine people I am good, fun and genuine as well. When I am around bitter, negative, selfish, stingy, egotistical plastics… I find myself becoming more like them (or any other type of personality for that matter).  There’s a saying – you become like the five people you surround yourself the most. I think I began to take on the goals of those 5 people and forgot about my own.

So when someone from the first group I described shared a thought with me – not knowing my circumstance – it struck a chord.

Here’s the conversation:

Friend: You smile a lot when you run! But not when you race.

Me: Well thats because we’re just having fun putting in the miles here on the trail. Aren’t you supposed to be serious and focused when you race? (I said it kinda sarcastically and now regret it)

Friend: Well I thought the whole point of you taking up running was to find your happiness again? Wasn’t that the first line in the tree picture?

touche

Funny how I keep finding myself back in this situation over and over again. Back to the tree picture… back to the same friends who ground me to the goodness I love.

Smile more. Run more. Become more.

I love you.

Baby love hand sign

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Strong Enough

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2013 by runmyssierun

For a while now, I’ve been struggling with the ups and downs of “ganas” during my workouts.

“Ganas” translation: We use this expression in Mexico and I do not know if they use it in another Spanish-speaking country.

“Échale ganas” is a practically untranslatable expression that means something like “work with a will”, but it’s much more informal. It’s a standard phrase that you say to people when you want to give them affectionate encouragement to keep working hard on different situations in life.

A part of me is used to putting in 110% effort into my workout. Its been unseasonally hot these last couple of months making it necessary for me to put in some long runs on a treadmill in the middle of the afternoon because it’s too hot outside to complete the exercise at that distance in those temperatures (98 degrees in November is NOT good). It’s much safer in a gym with water fountains at your disposal. But much more bbbbbboooooooorrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnnnngggggggg.

That is until someone jumps onto the treadmill beside me. tan tan taaaaaaaannnnnnn!!!!! Let the games begin! Oh come one… you know what I’m talking about…. TREADMILL RACING!!!!

Now, this is fun because I know deep down inside that I’ll win this race today. Oh yes sir I will!!! Because I have my secret weapon on!!! My playlist!!! And it’s on full blast!

So long as the beat of the song has the BPM required to keep the pace, I’ll knock this kid outta the park. (No matter how tired or how hurt, I always run to the beat of the song)

Well, at least until there’s a song change or I get that phone call from that someone that has the worst timing ever and makes the song stop!!!

See, so long as I know what my goal is and know how to get it, I’ll do it. Physically, I’ve proven to myself that I can do anything I set my mind to. I know I’m physically strong enough to have reached all my intended goals these last couple of years, no matter how far fetched they seem to have been at the beginning to me.

However, my mind needs more training. Logically, if my body could keep a steady pace during a high BPM song – even a long DJ Tiesto 20 minute live mix – wouldn’t it tell me that I could sustain that pace regardless of the next song’s slower BPM… or no song at all?

(Insert your comment here that tells me everything I’ve already told myself but just can’t get myself to believe it. Go ahead and scream loudly at this computer screen so that I can hear you from way over here. Go on. Louder. One more time.)

I know… I know… *sigh*

It’s just that when there is silence, my evil sarcastic voice in my head takes over. Sometimes, I’m just not strong enough.

Not wanting to end on a sour note: the good thing about me is that once I recognize a fault in myself, a goal is initiated in me to conquer it and/or improve on it greatly.

I know what I want. Enough teasing. I’m going after it.

 

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Dia de los Muertos – All Souls Day

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2013 by runmyssierun

Today was a beautiful day to run. The cool front came in and it was 66-71 degrees with 17 mile per hour winds.  I joined up with the gang from Team in Training. They were getting ready for next week’s Rock & Roll Marathon in San Antonio and were scaling back their milage which made it perfect for me to scale UP for mine in a safe group that I felt comfortable with.

I was a little startled when my Garmin voice announced that my average time was in the  9 minute mark after all the time I had spent this summer on the bike and training for the triathlon. While it was all good training and great workouts… marathon training requires consistent and incremental long distance endurance training. Three miles here and six miles there wasn’t going to cut it for me if I want to do the full marathon soon.

What surprised me even more was that prior to mile two, I had already found my stride and was keeping it. I wasn’t breathing heavy and the cool weather made it all so much better. Was it my conditioning that made the difference today? Maybe… but I think I’m gonna chalk it up to some phenomenal inspiration and the meaning of a day.

This last week, I took a real good look around at the people who have trained with me for the last one or two years and all that they have accomplished.

Me and Lindslee running in for the finish at Resolution Run

Lindslee and I at the Resolution Run

On December 30, I ran the Resolution 5k Run with Lindslee. She was so worried about running. I could tell she was really intimidated by it but I also knew she was a natural athlete. She has a gift.  Lindslee kept that resolution. This morning, she ran 11 miles. Next week, she’ll be racing at the San Antonio Rock & Roll Marathon. She never gave up.

About a year ago, the Cyclepaths came up with the crazy idea of completing a half Ironman. The only problem was that a few of them didn’t know how to swim. On January 14th of this year, Esmeralda Chavez, (I call her Coach Chavez or Chavita) and I jumped into the Nikki Rowe High School pool and taught ourselves how to swim. Now, I have a son who has been a competitive swimmer since the age of six who helped me a lot. I had an advantage. Chavez… Chavez was so scared of the water that she would NOT go to the deep end of the pool (which was at about the half way mark of the length of the pool). So when we did “laps”, she’d stop in the middle and turn around.

Dedication and the desire of making a dream come true was what drove this woman. She just completed the half Ironman last weekend. Can you imagine?? Going from swimming half the length of a pool to a half Ironman in this short amount of time?!?!? She never gave up.

Chavez at the Ironman finish line

Read about her amazing story here: http://progresstimes.net/sports/5153-la-joya-teacher-completes-half-ironman.html

Also about a year ago, I met the most incredible vivacious beautiful little girl. For being just 11 years old, she had the most amazing maturity and zest for life.

550828_10152253154875068_1812450883_n dezma

Dezma surprised my Team (Team in Training) the morning of the Nike Women’s Marathon in San Francisco and cheered us on. She taught me a lot for the very short time I knew her. In a way, I feel like a member of her family now. It’s an odd bond of understanding and love and support. Dezma lost her life to cancer but her family never gave up. Five months ago, they created TEAM DEZMA. They pledged to fundraise $100,000 in her memory. Five months.. One Hundred Thousand Dollars!!! They never gave up.  They are TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS SHORT!!!

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/rnrsa13/TeamDezma7ke

Click on the link above to be a part of the TEAM DEZMA’S CURE.

So when the morning sun rose today along the horizon of the 2nd Street Hike & Bike Trail, I remembered Dezma. It is a special day afterall. It is the Dia de los Muertos (translated literally it means “Day of the Dead) also known as All Souls Day. I felt like I could run forever in that sunshine on that trail. I had angels with me. It was their day. It was a day to remember them, pray for them, honor them. And as always… the sky went from the starry black to blue and then yes, orange.

Momma. I’ll never ever give up.

Anything is possible so long as you don’t give up.

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Now what?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2013 by runmyssierun

I went from never running a mile in my life to running a marathon (ok, make that plural for technicality’s sake)

And then after that was dared to complete the Triple Crown for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Did that.

As part of the training for the Triple Crown, I joined the Maniacs. Part of their requirements was to complete three triathlons a year… did that.

Now what?

As I sit back and contemplate on the personal PHYSICAL milestones that I have achieved in this short time, I have to wonder if my personal EMOTIONAL and SPIRITUAL milestones were met as well. And don’t kid yourself… I’ve also asked myself the question “What’s next?”

Yes. My relationship with God and myself has become quite intricate and intense. I would love to say that I’ve always had a closeness to God and was pretty good at knowing myself… but these last two years put me at a level that I never thought possible. After speaking to Derek a short while back, I was reminded of my purpose.

Have I completed my PURPOSE?

No. I don’t believe so.

I went back to the picture that fell on my foot that Sissy had intended to give to me but passed away before she could.

The first line grabbed me once again.

Life in not a race but indeed a journey

“Life is not a race — but indeed a journey.”

You see, it’s not about the races that I complete… it’s the journey that I have taken along the way. It’s the people that I have met and befriended. It’s the obstacles that I have overcome. It’s the way I have looked fear eye to eye and took that step forward anyway. It’s about all I have lost and all I have gained. It has nothing to do with the medals hanging on my office wall. It has nothing to do with my PRs and splits and what I weighed on the scale before and after. It’s much bigger than that. MUCH MUCH BIGGER THAN THAT.

It’s about the people that I have helped. It’s about the hope that was generated. It’s about relieving someone else’s family from debt. It’s about taking the worry away from a family wondering how they’re going to get transportation to MD Anderson or San Antonio. It’s about providing housing and utilities and copays during chemo treatment. It’s about getting people to realize that there is a problem, a serious epidemic here and it seems to be getting worse. It’s even more than just a cure. It’s about PREVENTION of this ever happening again to another family…. selfishly, it’s also about doing all I can to make sure it doesn’t happen to MY family ever again.

I had made mention of being asked to be a panel speaker in a previous blog post. I was leary of being a part of this movement because I live in an area where anger and ignorance thrives. We take a mistruth and spread it around like gospel. We call it “chisme” (pronounced cheese-meh for my Spanish-slang novices out there). It is really hard to get a donation from our residents so when you GIVE them an excuse NOT to give… oh ya… they’ll run with it by saying “I’m not going to give because all these races you do are cancer fundraising scams!!!” “I’m not paying for your vacation” “None of this money even goes to help cancer patients!” or that local spin… “None of this money even goes to help LOCAL cancer patients!”

I was so afraid that if the ignorant got word of this, they’ll spread it around and we’d never get anywhere!

I did, however, attend and gave it a chance. I’m glad I did.

I was a little disappointed in the number of people who showed up who were actually touched by cancer. There were more politicians running for election there than those who had or had had cancer. But if they can help create/change policy here locally (i.e. impose smoking bans regionally or remove chemicals from our locally grown agriculture, etc.) I can see why they were there. The handful of people who were there that had been touched by cancer stood out. Not in a bad way. It’s like they lit up the whole theater. I’ve met people like that before. You know… you can tell they’re going to be big, really big, but no one knows who they are yet. That’s the kind of shine they had. Momma had that light. Everyone she met could see it. We as humans gravitate towards people who have that light.

The movie played in that freezing cold theater and while I completely agree with the ultimate message they were intending, I still saw so much bitterness and … oh, I really don’t want to use this word but can’t think of any other word that describes it… hate towards big corporate business.  I do not believe that all big business is bad and greedy. The undertone sure made it sound that way especially when the leader boasted that they did not take donations from ANY big business. If I owned a big business and knew that 1 out of every 2 men  and 1 out of every 3 women would be touched by cancer, I would certainly take a good look at my workforce, calculate those stats and jump in full force to do something for my employees. Big or small business, that’s just the right thing to do.

I guess my background in economic development has given me an understanding of social and economic balance and need for both the big box and the mom-and-pop or sole-entrepreneur in this country. So the tone that was set from the get-go was like nails on a chalkboard to me. The women who were interviewed were all angry and bitter. They were all stage IV breast cancer patients.

My mother was first diagnosed in 2006 with stage IV cancer and never once showed anger or bitterness to the world (although I know she must have felt it at some points – she never showed it). She told me over and over again that she was not “battling” cancer. She was DANCING with it. Cancer would take a step and she would take a step back and then she would take a step and cancer would take a step back. She smiled when she said that. ALWAYS. She danced with cancer for 6 1/2 years. It was when the death of her sister, the death of her son and the overwhelming worry of expenses stole that smile from her face that her condition worsened. It was when she was UNHAPPY that cancer finally gained control over her.

She didn’t “market” herself that way. She simply WAS that way. Always smiling. Always happy.

She taught me to be like that. By example. It’s not some marketing ploy.

So that was the only other part of the movie that I didn’t agree with… and took offense with. *But that’s another topic

Bottom line: I hope that all those miles I put in and all the money I helped raise are not in vain. I run for organizations that my mother said helped her. I know there are organizations out there that have profited off of the breast cancer awareness movement. There will always be greedy people like that in the world. Let God deal with them when their time comes. In the mean time, don’t make it any easier for them. Think before you buy pink.

Pinkwasher – a company or organization that claims to care about breast cancer by promoting a pink ribbon product, but at the same time produces, manufactures and/or sells products that are linked to the disease.

Critical questions for conscious consumers

* How much money, if any, goes to a breast cancer organization?

* What organization and programs will your money fund?

* Is there a maximum donation and has it already been met?

* Does this product put you at an increased risk of breast cancer?

Donate directly to a breast cancer organization of your choice if you are concerned about where your money is going.

If you are local to the Rio Grande Valley of Texas and would like free movie passes to see the last viewing of Pink Ribbons, Inc., I will gladly provide them to you. It will be showing on Sunday, October 27th at 2:00 p.m. at the Historic Cine El Rey Theater (311 S. 17th Street, McAllen, TX) A Question and Answer panel with discussion will follow the film.

My personal note:  I don’t care what kind of cancer you have or what kind of issue you have, once you let anger get the best of you… it has already won.  Do not let it control you. I highly recommend watching this movie but please disregard the bitterness. Just think before you pink.

Critical pinkwashing questions to ask when donating or purchasing pink ribbon items.

Critical pinkwashing questions to ask when donating or purchasing pink ribbon items.

Speaking about the toxicity of our environments and our need to not just focus on finding a cure for those who have been hurt by cancer but also PREVENTING cancer from the rest of the world. Discussing cancer priorities

Speaking about the toxicity of our environments and our need to not just focus on finding a cure for those who have been hurt by cancer but also PREVENTING cancer from the rest of the world. Discussing cancer priorities

Talking about the points in the Pink Ribbons Inc documentary that stood out most to us.

Talking about the points in the Pink Ribbons Inc documentary that stood out most to us.

So in conclusion… now what?

LET THE STORY BE TOLD. Momma and Sissy had a message. The world needs to hear it so that it doesn’t happen again. Not just deal with it and “slice, burn and poison” it… but NEVER allow it to happen again. This is beyond a much needed cure that is accessible and affordable to all. This is now about prevention for the next generation.

Oh! and ya… I’ll keep running and getting others to run with me (or tri, too).

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Falling Slowly

Posted in cycling with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2013 by runmyssierun

My big ride this week was an 80-miler scheduled for early Saturday morning. Funny how I had planned all week going over route after route and getting advice from all the local experienced bicyclists… and I ended up not doing any of the discussed routes!!! But everything worked out in the end.

Here’s how it went:
3:45 alarm blares. I smash it into snooze oblivion.
3:50 alarm blares again. Ok Ok!!! I’m up! I’m up!
4:10 I’m all dressed, teeth are brushed and hair is braided back. I grab my garmin and the two lights charging in my office. I get my water bottles out of the kitchen. I make my coffee and bagel and say a cuss word when I see that someone ate all the peanut butter!! (I’m not nice in the morning)
4:30 I put air in the tires, attach the lights, pack my chomps, gu and check the brakes. Slip on my clips, take a spin around the block to make sure all is well and zoom off the parking lot to wait for the rest of the gang.
4:45… the gang no shows
5:00 Wheels down. I head North. I had spoken to all the other bicycles gangs in the area and took note of their departure times and routes so within a few minutes, I had already hooked up with a new gang that I had never met around Edinburg. Their pace was a bit slower than mine so it was easy to have that familiar discussion… “Hey, your bike! That’s the orange bike! Are you Myssie?”

It was early and I still had a long ways to go so I did the “click click” after a short while and jumped onto the next group along the familiar 5am Wake up ride route going South on Jackson. While it was surprisingly cooler than expected, it was still quite humid. I was going through water pretty fast.

7:00 I see the 2nd street overpass and tell myself to attack it with all I have. I set my gears in place, I fire up my quads and mash it with all my might. I did it!! One gear and seated!! The runners along the trail whoop and holler and my arm shoots up with proud fists. As I descend the hill, I see the Team in Training group… AND THE WATER STATION!!! I zoom by for a free refill and snap some goofy shots of us together and I’m on my way again.

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Once I hit Military Road, I feel like Switzerland. My mind goes back to a conversation about bicycle gangs and how it was expected to be a part of one or be shunned by all. I smile, relieved that all the groups that had congregated along the road over the next few hours all waved at me and welcomed me to join in with them along their rides. All up and down from Edinburg to Pharr to McAllen to Mission to Granjeno to Penitas and back, every single bike group welcomed me… or was it that they welcomed the “orange bike”??? I have to admit, my bike is quite famous now.

At my midway point, I stop for fuel and to check my stats at the corner convenience store on the corner of Shary Road. It is where most of the cyclists meet for the same reasons. While I’m there, several bikers surround me to check in and see how I’m doing. A few ask about a close friend of mine who also cycles and triathlons (is that a verb?) with me. Maritza had lost her brother just two days before while he was on his bike in a tragic tractor trailer accident shortly after he returned from his tour of duty. The news had begun to spread quickly and left us all with heavy hearts.

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The group made sure I was ok and I was off to meet up with another group at the Butterfly park. However, it was this short little time when I was alone that my worst nightmare came true.

I had traveled the road a hundred times. I knew how to go over rail road tracks correctly and did so each time. But this one time… when I was alone… it all went awry.

In a split second, the tracks seems to catch my tire perfectly. I was thrown, attached to my bike with my clips, into the middle lane and right in front of oncoming traffic. I remember it in slow motion… Falling slowly…I had to have flown at least ten feet into the air and onto the next lane. My head hit the street and then my elbow and then I hear the crash of my bike. “Don’t get up Myssie. Don’t get up. The 18-wheeler is going to run over you right now. You’re going to die. You’re going to die now.”

I turn my head slowly under and to my left. The 18-wheeler had stopped just in time. I was not going to die.

A kind stranger, Joel Sanchez, saw the whole thing unfold before him. He stopped. He drove an Aggie maroon colored hunting truck with camouflage upholstery and picked me up from the street. He swooped up my bike into the bed of his angel guided vehicle. This wonderful man took me to the same corner store to help clean my scrapes and put my chain back onto my bike. And just as he appeared from nowhere… he escaped to nowhere once again.

Just as I was about to throw in the towel and call someone to pick me up… the next group of angels arrived. He was a preacher and he had with him a child, a 15-year old bicycle prodigy trying to escape a life of gangs and drugs via the world of bikes. God speaks to me. Some times quite loudly.

We went on for another 20 plus miles after that. They even escorted me home to make sure I made it safely.

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A few blocks from home I asked myself how I really felt. I was surprised that I felt like I could easily go another 20 more miles… easy. Granted, not FAST… but easy. I could do it. I feel really good about my training. I had a good scare. I am lucky. But I feel my calling now more than ever before. There must be a reason I am here doing what I’m doing. Someone really important is going to benefit from my fundraising. I may never meet this person but I know deep in my heart, this person is just as important as my mom was to me.

http://youtu.be/W0lIdr5TsaU

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I am the Walrus

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 23, 2013 by runmyssierun

John Bingham shared some wise words last year over dinner right before my first marathon. He said “You are a long distance endurance athlete.”

John Bingham "The Penguin" and Myssie Cardenas Barajas. Read his blog - The Penguin Chronicles

John Bingham “The Penguin” and Myssie Cardenas Barajas. Read his blog – The Penguin Chronicles

He told us how he earned his nickname “The Penguin”. I could relate. He described himself as waddling like a penguin all throughout the race… but he finished. He’s never been first but he always finished. I could relate.

Maybe I’m a penguin, too.

I remember my mother giving me a poem on the first day of college. It was about a turtle. She told me to take my time and observe as much as I could to take it all in. She told me to stick my neck out for what I believed in and that no matter what, the shell of love that she built around me would protect me. She raised me to be a turtle like her.

Maybe I’m a turtle, too.

When first going out for my swims in the pool, I was taught by my son to not splash… at all. I took everyone’s advice to heart and tried with all my might to do it all as perfectly as I could. I was called “the little mermaid” because of it. I thought it was cute at first but now I see myself differently.

I’m really really still very very slow. I had my swim evaluation done earlier this week. My form was good for the amount of time I had been swimming. In six short months, I kept my elbows high, my breathing was good, I was skimming the water, my kicks needed some work and I need more power in my stroke but all in all… I was doing well.

One thing for sure… I am NOT a mermaid. After reviewing the video of myself swimming, I looked like I was swimming in molasses. I know… I know… it wasn’t about speed on that day. It was about form. Regardless, I couldn’t help but think about the Beetles song…

I am the Walrus. Cuu Cuu Cuchoo

The song makes as much sense as my life right now. It’s confusing, entertaining and much like a scene right out of Alice in Wonderland, I’ve found myself going down some crazy rabbit hole swimming through my own tears and off to a race that never seems to end and hoping that when I wake, it’ll all make sense to me.

The wonderful solid part of this week was getting the news that Kristina was well on her way to become a permanent list member of the cancer beaters club. You can read about her journey on her blog here. The day before Kristina made her news public, Taylor made her announcement as well!

Taylor ringing the cancer free bell

Unfortunately, David (our honored hero for this season’s Team in Training) is back at MD Anderson for the second time fighting stage 2 lymphoma. The good thing is that great things happen in threes 🙂

David Mendez and Sarah Morales - TNT's honored heros

David Mendez and Sarah Morales – TNT’s honored heros

So off I go again… slow but determined, for something much much bigger than just me. I am a penguin. I am a turtle. I am the walrus. I am relentless.

I wake up at 3:45a.m. to ride at 5:00a.m. to put in more miles on my bike before the sun rises than most people drive in their car all day long. All this, just to beat cancer and to show my love for my family members that cancer took away from me.

I wake up at 3:45a.m. to ride at 5:00a.m. to put in more miles on my bike before the sun rises than most people drive in their car all day long. All this, just to beat cancer and to show my love for my family members that cancer took away from me.

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