It’s that time of year again. ANNUAL EXAMS
I really should consider myself lucky because my team of doctors take such great care of me. They make sure that I go in to see them, follow their instructions and they even go so far as to follow me on Facebook to check on my progress (or regress). They all know my story, my history and my concerns. They were all very good friends of my mother’s as well.
Since Momma passed away, they’ve done a really good job of “mothering” me.
My general exam went really well. “Running has made a big difference in your health.”
My female exam went really well. “I’m not worried about your weight anymore. You’re doing great!”
My heart exam went really well. “You just keep running!”
My CA125 results came back in. “Negative”
I get a real kick out of my OBGyn. He’s probably the most motherly of the whole team. “What’s your biggest concern healthwise?” he asked.
“I have a huge cloud looming over me. The fear of cancer” I blurted out. “I have a family history of heart disease and diabetes but I’m most worried about cancer.”
He calmly replied “You are exercising and eating right. You keep enormous mounts of stress under control. You’re doing everything right. But your genes are your genes and you can’t do anything about that. Don’t worry too much about it. You’re doing all you can to stall those genes.”
And he says it all in this voice like you’d imagine someone reading a Mother Goose story to you with. Best of all… he said there was absolutely no problem keeping my vice. COFFEE!!!
Of course that may have just been a strategy on his part to keep me calm before the dreaded words:
“just relax… you’re going to feel a little pressure…”
Yes, he even lets me keep my Balega socks on š
Next is the mammogram.
“People do things for other people that they wouldn’t ordinarily do for themselves,” Pamela Anderson (the well known actress who played the sexy lifeguard on the TV show Baywatch) toldĀ the press when she started training for the ING NY Marathon. She completed the marathon in 5 hours and 41 minutes.
Pamela Anderson during and after the 2013 New York City Marathon on Sunday, Nov. 3, 2013. (Left: Seth Wenig / Associated Press; right: Pamela Anderson / Twitter)
This is exactly the behavior that convinces me that there is more good in the human race than bad. Sure there are a few people out there that are in it all just for themselves and don’t care to do anything for anyone else but themselves… the world revolves around them… they’re a legend in their own mind… and that’s all fine and dandy. Those people are clearly on a journey that is destined for a grand lesson.
Less than an hour after I posted my last blog entry, I received a text on my phone from one of my blog followers that stated “Dezma’s donations complete. You inspire us to help others. Love you!!”
If you haven’t read that last entry, I talked a little bit about Dezma’s family continuing to run in her memory. They pledged to raise $100,000.00 to fund a research program for AML patients in her name. However, at the time of my posting, they were $2,000.00 short of their goal.
I am happy to announce that TEAM DEZMA reached their goal. A research grant named after Dezma Chavez will soon be underway thanks to the generosity of hundreds of donors and one very special follower of this little blog.
TEAM DEZMA will be running together at the San Antonio Rock & Roll Marathon next weekend. Keep them in your prayers.
Over the last year or so, I’ve had a few people criticize me/my actions/my motives saying that I talk too much about myself, brag too much about all my achievements and that I am desperate for attention. I feel so redeemed now. The above paragraphs validate me, my actions and my motives. It’s not about ME. I think sometimes some of the people who read this enter my blog with ill-intent from the get go. They see a before and after photo and feel inadequate or they see the large number of “likes” on a Facebook post and question their own likability and want desperately to pull me down into the crab bucket. Ā This kind of behavior does us no good. It’s destructive. Don’t compare yourself to the events I’m doing or what I look like. Focus on making yourself better than you were yesterday and on making the world a better place.
Had I not mentioned in my blog the $2k that Team Dezma needed… had I not had so many incredible generous donors following me…
āOur deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.ā ~ Marianne Williamson
Just because you post a lot does not mean that you are not humble. Ā I post to share a story, to inform, to inspire and to instigate a positive response. I want to grab the world by it’s shoulders and shake some sense into it! Stop turning a blind eye to the problem. Wake up and do something for yourself and for the rest of the world.
I went to celebrate the Cyclepaths recently on their successful journey to Ironman. Their story is incredible! A true testament to what can be done with sheer dedication and “iron will”. While I was there, I was taken aback by a few comments made to me that night. (I won’t post all of the shocking comments and I understand that a few people probably had too much to drink that night – still no excuse in my book)
“I read your blog but there was no mention of me in it so I stopped reading it.”
Hmmmmm
I didn’t respond to that person. In fact, I pretended not to hear her and simply turned around and walked away. Oh but remember that brutally mean and sarcastic girl inside my head that yells at me all the time during races? Ya, she had a lot to say. Thankfully, the rest of the world can’t hear the sarcasm in my head.
So, on that note, let me be clear about this little blog.
It’s not about you. It’s not even about me.
This is about a promise that I made to my family members that were stolen from me by cancer and my journey to fulfill that promise. Ā Along my journey I meet a myriad of people on similar paths. I open myself and my heart in every vulnerable way to them and absorb the determination, lessons and love that they share with me in hopes that together we will find a way to heal from our losses and prevent other losses from happening as a result of cancer. Ā I find solace and healing with these people and these activities. Together we ignite happiness in each other’s lives again.
Sissy chose for me to run as part of this journey. Ā Running quickly evolved into Triathlons and Cycling and a completely new active and healthy lifestyle for me (I have a feeling this was all part of Sissy’s master plan). Defeating/preventing cancer and helping caregivers while loved ones endure the wrath of cancer is the other component of my journey. I post about (1) running, (2) triathlons, (3) cycling and (4) cancer and every emotion and physical trial that attaches itself to these. If you’re here to read about my children, my relationship, my work or what’s going on with my friends… good luck. It’s not gonna happen unless they are directly tied to the 4 subjects stated here.
I close today’s post with a reminder of why I do what I do: the speech that I gave at Team in Training’s “Mission Moment”
I lost my best friend to Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma just a few months before he was to walk with me down the isle at my wedding. His name was Rodney Perez. He bravely battled cancer for 5 years. He died at age 24.
I lost my grandmother, Lorenza āLenchaā Cavazos and grandfather, Narciso Cavazos to Leukemia.
I lost my baby brother, Donny Cardenas, not from cancer but from what cancer does to loved ones and caregiversā¦ what no one talks about, the stress that the family deals with while caring for their loved ones like financial stress and emotional stress. He felt he had to take on this burden by himself. He dealt by eating all the wrong things, drinking, locking himself up from the world. He had a heart attack at age 38.
I lost my Aunt Sissy ā the woman who raised me while mom worked and went back to school. Leukemia stole her from us and her three years of retirement that she worked all her life for.
I lost my beautiful close friend Jana Miller. A brilliant doctor, fun loving and kind heartedā¦ many you were in Junior League with her. She was diagnosed at stage IV during her 3rd year of med school. She finished, practiced and became an active member of the community. Few people knew she lived ten years with cancer. Her smile fooled everyone.
I lost my Momma. On Easter of this last year. Exactly one year after we lost my baby brother Donny. Eight months after losing her sister Sissy.
Iām sorry. I still canāt talk about my Momma.
I joined Team in Training because I thought that if the world and God saw how hard I was trying to do this impossible runā¦ then maybe, just maybe, the world and God would make the impossible cure possible.
And when I ran my first full marathon in San Diego, just a couple of months after my Momma died, a woman yelled at me ā when I wanted to quit ā I was at mile 22 ā she said āYou are running for the treatment that has kept me alive! Please, donāt stop!ā
Thats when I understood that hundreds, thousands of strangers for years before this had run for the treatment that allowed my mother to spend 6 more years with me, 3 more years with Sissy, 10 more years with Jana.
So I close with what Iāve had posted on my facebook over this last yearā¦
I never ran to try to beat your time
I ran because I tried to buy my mom more time
I ran so that I could help find a cure
I ran so that I could help my mom pay for that cure
It didnāt work out the way I had planned
Now I run so that you donāt have to go
through what my mom and I did.
See, the thing is that I first thought I was running for a cure for my Momma.
I had no idea that Team in Training would be a part of MY cure.
Today was a beautiful day to run. The cool front came in and it was 66-71 degrees with 17 mile per hour winds. Ā I joined up with the gang from Team in Training. They were getting ready for next week’s Rock & Roll Marathon in San Antonio and were scaling back their milage which made it perfect for me to scale UP for mine in a safe group that I felt comfortable with.
I was a little startled when my Garmin voice announced that my average time was in the Ā 9 minute mark after all the time I had spent this summer on the bike and training for the triathlon. While it was all good training and great workouts… marathon training requires consistent and incremental long distance endurance training. Three miles here and six miles there wasn’t going to cut it for me if I want to do the full marathon soon.
What surprised me even more was that prior to mile two, I had already found my stride and was keeping it. I wasn’t breathing heavy and the cool weather made it all so much better. Was it my conditioning that made the difference today? Maybe… but I think I’m gonna chalk it up to some phenomenal inspiration and the meaning of a day.
This last week, I took a real good look around at the people who have trained with me for the last one or two years and all that they have accomplished.
On December 30, I ran the Resolution 5k Run with Lindslee. She was so worried about running. I could tell she was really intimidated by it but I also knew she was a natural athlete. She has a gift. Ā Lindslee kept that resolution. This morning, she ran 11 miles. Next week, she’ll be racing at the San Antonio Rock & Roll Marathon. She never gave up.
About a year ago, the Cyclepaths came up with the crazy idea of completing a half Ironman. The only problem was that a few of them didn’t know how to swim. On January 14th of this year, Esmeralda Chavez, (I call her Coach Chavez or Chavita) and I jumped into the Nikki Rowe High School pool and taught ourselves how to swim. Now, I have a son who has been a competitive swimmer since the age of six who helped me a lot. I had an advantage. Chavez… Chavez was so scared of the water that she would NOT go to the deep end of the pool (which was at about the half way mark of the length of the pool). So when we did “laps”, she’d stop in the middle and turn around.
Dedication and the desire of making a dream come true was what drove this woman. She just completed the half Ironman last weekend. Can you imagine?? Going from swimming half the length of a pool to a half Ironman in this short amount of time?!?!? She never gave up.
Chavez at the Ironman finish line
Read about her amazing story here:Ā http://progresstimes.net/sports/5153-la-joya-teacher-completes-half-ironman.html
Also about a year ago, I met the most incredible vivacious beautiful little girl. For being just 11 years old, she had the most amazing maturity and zest for life.
Dezma surprised my Team (Team in Training) the morning of the Nike Women’s Marathon in San Francisco and cheered us on. She taught me a lot for the very short time I knew her. In a way, I feel like a member of her family now. It’s an odd bond of understanding and love and support. Dezma lost her life to cancer but her family never gave up. Five months ago, they created TEAM DEZMA. They pledged to fundraise $100,000 in her memory. Five months.. One Hundred Thousand Dollars!!! They never gave up. Ā They are TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS SHORT!!!
http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/rnrsa13/TeamDezma7ke
Click on the link above to be a part of the TEAM DEZMA’S CURE.
So when the morning sun rose today along the horizon of the 2nd Street Hike & Bike Trail, I remembered Dezma. It is a special day afterall. It is the Dia de los Muertos (translated literally it means “Day of the Dead) also known as All Souls Day. I felt like I could run forever in that sunshine on that trail. I had angels with me. It was their day. It was a day to remember them, pray for them, honor them. And as always… the sky went from the starry black to blue and then yes, orange.
Momma. I’ll never ever give up.
Anything is possible so long as you don’t give up.
I went from never running a mile in my life to running a marathon (ok, make that plural for technicality’s sake)
And then after that was dared to complete the Triple Crown for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Did that.
As part of the training for the Triple Crown, I joined the Maniacs. Part of their requirements was to complete three triathlons a year… did that.
Now what?
As I sit back and contemplate on the personal PHYSICAL milestones that I have achieved in this short time, I have to wonder if my personal EMOTIONAL and SPIRITUAL milestones were met as well. And don’t kid yourself… I’ve also asked myself the question “What’s next?”
Yes. My relationship with God and myself has become quite intricate and intense. I would love to say that I’ve always had a closeness to God and was pretty good at knowing myself… but these last two years put me at a level that I never thought possible. After speaking to Derek a short while back, I was reminded of my purpose.
Have I completed my PURPOSE?
No. I don’t believe so.
I went back to the picture that fell on my foot that Sissy had intended to give to me but passed away before she could.
The first line grabbed me once again.
“Life is not a race — but indeed a journey.”
You see, it’s not about the races that I complete… it’s the journey that I have taken along the way. It’s the people that I have met and befriended. It’s the obstacles that I have overcome. It’s the way I have looked fear eye to eye and took that step forward anyway. It’s about all I have lost and all I have gained. It has nothing to do with the medals hanging on my office wall. It has nothing to do with my PRs and splits and what I weighed on the scale before and after. It’s much bigger than that. MUCH MUCH BIGGER THAN THAT.
It’s about the people that I have helped. It’s about the hope that was generated. It’s about relieving someone else’s family from debt. It’s about taking the worry away from a family wondering how they’re going to get transportation to MD Anderson or San Antonio. It’s about providing housing and utilities and copays during chemo treatment. It’s about getting people to realize that there is a problem, a serious epidemic here and it seems to be getting worse. It’s even more than just a cure. It’s about PREVENTION of this ever happening again to another family…. selfishly, it’s also about doing all I can to make sure it doesn’t happen to MY family ever again.
I had made mention of being asked to be a panel speaker in a previous blog post. I was leary of being a part of this movement because I live in an area where anger and ignorance thrives. We take a mistruth and spread it around like gospel. We call it “chisme” (pronounced cheese-meh for my Spanish-slang novices out there). It is really hard to get a donation from our residents so when you GIVE them an excuse NOT to give… oh ya… they’ll run with it by saying “I’m not going to give because all these races you do are cancer fundraising scams!!!” “I’m not paying for your vacation” “None of this money even goes to help cancer patients!” or that local spin… “None of this money even goes to help LOCAL cancer patients!”
I was so afraid that if the ignorant got word of this, they’ll spread it around and we’d never get anywhere!
I did, however, attend and gave it a chance. I’m glad I did.
I was a little disappointed in the number of people who showed up who were actually touched by cancer. There were more politicians running for election there than those who had or had had cancer. But if they can help create/change policy here locally (i.e. impose smoking bans regionally or remove chemicals from our locally grown agriculture, etc.) I can see why they were there. The handful of people who were there that had been touched by cancer stood out. Not in a bad way. It’s like they lit up the whole theater. I’ve met people like that before. You know… you can tell they’re going to be big, really big, but no one knows who they are yet. That’s the kind of shine they had. Momma had that light. Everyone she met could see it. We as humans gravitate towards people who have that light.
The movie played in that freezing cold theater and while I completely agree with the ultimate message they were intending, I still saw so much bitterness and … oh, I really don’t want to use this word but can’t think of any other word that describes it… hate towards big corporate business. Ā I do not believe that all big business is bad and greedy. The undertone sure made it sound that way especially when the leader boasted that they did not take donations from ANY big business. If I owned a big business and knew that 1 out of every 2 men Ā and 1 out of every 3 women would be touched by cancer, I would certainly take a good look at my workforce, calculate those stats and jump in full force to do something for my employees. Big or small business, that’s just the right thing to do.
I guess my background in economic development has given me an understanding of social and economic balance and need for both the big box and the mom-and-pop or sole-entrepreneur in this country. So the tone that was set from the get-go was like nails on a chalkboard to me. The women who were interviewed were all angry and bitter. They were all stage IV breast cancer patients.
My mother was first diagnosed in 2006 with stage IV cancer and never once showed anger or bitterness to the world (although I know she must have felt it at some points – she never showed it). She told me over and over again that she was not “battling” cancer. She was DANCING with it. Cancer would take a step and she would take a step back and then she would take a step and cancer would take a step back. She smiled when she said that. ALWAYS. She danced with cancer for 6 1/2 years. It was when the death of her sister, the death of her son and the overwhelming worry of expenses stole that smile from her face that her condition worsened. It was when she was UNHAPPY that cancer finally gained control over her.
She didn’t “market” herself that way. She simply WAS that way. Always smiling. Always happy.
She taught me to be like that. By example. It’s not some marketing ploy.
So that was the only other part of the movie that I didn’t agree with… and took offense with. *But that’s another topic
Bottom line: I hope that all those miles I put in and all the money I helped raise are not in vain. I run for organizations that my mother said helped her. I know there are organizations out there that have profited off of the breast cancer awareness movement. There will always be greedy people like that in the world. Let God deal with them when their time comes. In the mean time, don’t make it any easier for them. Think before you buy pink.
Pinkwasher – a company or organization that claims to care about breast cancer by promoting a pink ribbon product, but at the same time produces, manufactures and/or sells products that are linked to the disease.
Critical questions for conscious consumers
* How much money, if any, goes to a breast cancer organization?
* What organization and programs will your money fund?
* Is there a maximum donation and has it already been met?
* Does this product put you at an increased risk of breast cancer?
Donate directly to a breast cancer organization of your choice if you are concerned about where your money is going.
If you are local to the Rio Grande Valley of Texas and would like free movie passes to see the last viewing of Pink Ribbons, Inc., I will gladly provide them to you. It will be showing on Sunday, October 27th at 2:00 p.m. at the Historic Cine El Rey Theater (311 S. 17th Street, McAllen, TX) A Question and Answer panel with discussion will follow the film.
My personal note: Ā I don’t care what kind of cancer you have or what kind of issue you have, once you let anger get the best of you… it has already won. Ā Do not let it control you. I highly recommend watching this movie but please disregard the bitterness. Just think before you pink.
Critical pinkwashing questions to ask when donating or purchasing pink ribbon items.
Speaking about the toxicity of our environments and our need to not just focus on finding a cure for those who have been hurt by cancer but also PREVENTING cancer from the rest of the world. Discussing cancer priorities
Talking about the points in the Pink Ribbons Inc documentary that stood out most to us.
So in conclusion… now what?
LET THE STORY BE TOLD. Momma and Sissy had a message. The world needs to hear it so that it doesn’t happen again. Not just deal with it and “slice, burn and poison” it… but NEVER allow it to happen again. This is beyond a much needed cure that is accessible and affordable to all. This is now about prevention for the next generation.
Oh! and ya… I’ll keep running and getting others to run with me (or tri, too).
I spent all of my early adult life in pageants and training for them and training others for them as well. I was pretty good at it. I won a good share of them and taught others how to win, too. We called each other the “Rhinestone Mafia”. We are a great group of women.
My forte was interview. One question that came up over and over again by judges in personal interview and on stage interview (which usually meant the final question) was “Do you regret anything in your life?”
Pageant coaches have always told me to NEVER say I regretted anything in my life to judges.
But honestly, I do have regrets.
I regret not learning to speak Spanish fluently and often.
I regret not paying attention in school as much as I should have.
I regret not asking what Sissy’s favorite color was or what flavor of ice cream she liked most.
I regret not putting my foot down and taking Donny to LaHa.
I regret not speaking up for myself to bullies throughout my life.
I regret all the time I spent watching TV (except for MTV when it showed videos)
I regret not telling the people that I love that I loved them. I regret not taking that chance to hug them or making that opportunity come around. I regret not saying what I wanted to because I was too scared of what they would think of me.
I regret a lot of the choices I’ve made. I’m paying the price for them now.
I regret not spending all those last moments with the ones I loved.
Say what you want. Say what you need. Say it all to me, to them, to yourself… but say it. Let it out. Let them know.
I’ve conquered so many of my fears these last two years and it’s such a shame that I got to realize the biggest fear of mine was the fear of not being loved back.
Crossing the finish line taught me so many things. It got me out of my stagnant comfort zone. It took me past my fears. It made me re-evaluate myself, my true self. I have many regrets.
I just told them to a judge (you)
A big no-no in pageantry.
But guess what? I was once told by someone that this world is made up of women who are either princesses or queens. I think I just realized I’m on the queen list. I have regrets. I have fears. I still can’t say everything that I want to… but I’ll try harder.
I don’t want to regret any more.
Go ahead. Want to ask me WHY I do these crazy events again?
Because at one time I said “Someday I’ll be like them.”
“Someday I’ll be able to do that”
“Someday someone else’s family won’t have to endure what my family did”
“Someday”
AND SOMEDAY CAME!!! I did it. Anything is possible.
And somewhere on this Earth someone is thinking to themselves
“Someday I’ll be cured of cancer”
“Someday I’ll win this fight”
“Someday I’ll develop the cure for cancer”
SOMEDAY IS TODAY
#RELENTLESS
#1team1goalĀ #beatcancer
#joinĀ #teamintraining
I was also sent an email today from ACS. I copied it for you here:
Dear Myssie,
Today, we want to report back to you on what some of our brightest researchers have been doing ā to give you a sense of the kind of breakthroughs your support makes possible. As a committed American Cancer Society supporter, you are a vital partner in the fight to make this cancer’s last century.
Just this week, it was announced that a former American Cancer Society research grantee is one of the three scientists receiving the 2013 Nobel Prize in Medicine or Physiology!Ā Dr. James E. Rothman, along with two colleagues will be honored for defining the control of the movement of membranes in cells; which contributes greatly to the understanding of cell functioning in numerous diseases, including cancer. These internal cell membranes are key to the function of cells and the ability of cells to move, both of which are hallmarks of cancer cells. In 1982, while at Stanford University, and in 1988 while at Princeton, Dr. Rothman’s research was supported by an American Cancer Society research grants.
Investing in researchers like Dr. Rothman is possible because of people like you.Ā Here are just two of the other advances that may help cancer patients in the future that have been made possible by American Cancer Society supporters like you:
A new device that can detect tumor cells in your blood |
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A new way to predict if aggressive cancers will spread or not |
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We thank you; cancer patients across the country thank you; and future generations thank you for being part of this fight.
Thank you. Please feel free to share this with friends or family who might be interested, as well.
Sincerely,
Your American Cancer Society
P.S. If you’re inspired to make a gift today,Ā please donate here. Innovative and deserving projects as well as critical programs and services for families touched by cancer are always in need of funding.
I am aware of pain. I feel it. I just won’t talk endlessly about it nor will I go around showing everyone my boo-boo or tell them “it hurts when I do this”. I simply won’t do “this” because it hurts.
I do listen to my body and know the difference between muscle fatigue and muscle damage. After a few harsh extreme endurance physical events, my body is bound to feel one of the two.
I went for a second opinion (yes, other than my own). Sometimes, I admit it, I don’t know everything.
The doc’s opinion… I’ve got a pain in my neck.
Spine works in McAllen…. That was pretty cool. They hooked up this thingamajig to my spine and it calculated all the problems and intensity of the problems on my back.
Way cool!
RunMyssieRun 