RunMyssieRun

Took some time today to clean out and reorganize my home office and had the guts to look at some old photos and documents that Momma had saved. They were stacked up on my bench these last few months.

Did you know that we were really poor? We never really looked poor or acted poor and since I’m talking about it… I never really felt poor because we were always so happy. I mean, aren’t poor people sad all the time? I remember all those Sally Struthers commercials on TV that showed all the starving kids with tears in their eyes… They were poor. We were always smiling so that meant we weren’t poor. Right?

Did you know that I couldn’t wait to get my first little apartment in college just so I could finally have air conditioning? My windows were always open when I was growing up because we could t afford the electricity of air conditioning. I think my friends just always thought I kept them open so that I could sneak out with them. Nope. This is the real reason.

So on that note, my dad would try to make extra money playing little gigs whenever he could. We had grandpas old piano. Dad was loading and unloading it so my piano teacher helped me draw a piano on a folder so that I could practice anytime anywhere I could. All I had to do was remember the sound each key made in my head and I could play anything. She promised me. 🙂

I found that old folder.

Now I know how powerful my imagination can be. For years I practiced on that folder. I may not be a professional concert pianist now but I did perform well enough to win a few dozen pageants and a piano talent scholarship from the Miss America pageant organization.

My point of this blog entry? Momma kept this for me. Memories of times that were tough but never stopped me from accomplishing what I was set out to.

She told me time and time again…”You can do anything you set your mind to.” She believed in me. I can’t thank her enough for that foundation of my dreams.

She painted the skies orange for me during yesterday’s 10-mile run. That’s how she speaks to me now.

Call me crazy… But I know she was there with me during my mission moment. I’m so grateful! I’m still the luckiest daughter in the world!

This week I received some very sizable donations that I am so very grateful for from two organizations that have gone far and beyond for my mission to uphold my pledge in my mother’s honor.  However, I’m having a hard time with people putting ME on a pedestal and forgetting about WHY I’m doing these crazy runs, triathlons and century rides. Please understand that this is much bigger than ME… and really, in the big picture, has nothing to do with ME.

Somewhere out there, a scientist has in the palm of their hands, the key to make this world a better place. What if that person doesn’t feel they have that within themselves? What if that person knows they have it but doesn’t have the ability to push it through our “system”? What if that person just needs to know that while they feel it’s impossible to push it through… they need to see someone else do the impossible so that they can do it, too?

That’s what I hope to show them.

Please see me. I can’t do this and I’m doing it anyway.

I wake up every morning and doubt myself. One third of a mile into every single freakin run, I go over every possible excuse to stop. It takes me five minutes of staring into the pool arguing with myself on how long I can swim that day.  And today, with the news of a new bike arriving shortly, I question myself on my abilities. What if… what if I really can’t?

Last week I believed I could ride 25 miles per hour on a bike. A few days ago, I was told it was impossible for me to go that fast because the person telling me was a better athlete than I was so if they couldn’t, then I couldn’t.  And the next day… I didn’t.

Last year, I ran and ran and ran and ran. I did it. I wasn’t the fastest. But I did it. This year, I wanted more from me because as much as I pushed myself… it just wasn’t GOOD ENOUGH. I WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH. For that person. But what that person forgot is that this isn’t about me.

My training is on pause for a few days because of a leg injury I have. What I love about this journey is that all of these people who HAVE supported me this last year, have all stepped up and led me to more incredible people.  (These supportive people set me up with more supportive people who will now heal my leg) And those who have the mindset that this is all about me and waiting on the edge of their seats for me to fail… will be waiting on that seat for a long while. Because all these people won’t let me fail. They won’t let even MY inner voice get the best of me. Why would they let yours?

So when hundreds of people from my community see what I’m doing and they get up off their couches and walk a block, jog a mile, run their first 5k… how can that be a bad thing? And how is it about me? IT’S ABOUT US!!! WE ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!

Sissy saw that her friends and family and community needed to be more active and fit. THIS IS ABOUT HER AND WHAT SHE WANTED.

This year, my pledge will be honored. It’s about a promise that I’m doing for love and honor for my family that is no longer here. A cure will come. I know it.