May all your miles be merry!!!
I spent the majority of this week frantically doing last minute shopping, taking care of my sick boys and dad and fighting the same fight over and over again day after day. I’m exhausted. I’ve run only two miles since the half marathon last week. I haven’t ridden my bike in weeks! And it’s been seriously way too long since I’ve swum a lane. This time last year, the holidays hardly made a dent in my training.
This year… it’s a different story. But it’s also way more complicated, too.
Regardless, I need to get back to a sensible balance where I can do everything I need to do. Stop eating those dang goodies and stop sitting on the couch and watching “It’s a Wonderful LIfe” all day long.
Funny thing about “balance” though. The great ones don’t balance their life… they focus on goals and everything else gets put on a back burner. If you are a great one, those who support you offer help where they can because they genuinely want you to achieve success, those who envy begin to chatter about your back burner items because they desperately wish they could do the things you do. If you are a balanced one, you usually aren’t extraordinary enough to be chattered about… and you don’t get offered help because people think you have everything under control. As I sit back and look at this and wonder which one I am… I’m a bit discouraged either way. Bummer.
However, if you’ve been following me for a while, you KNOW how I escape all that drama. (*hint: it’s MUSIC)
Santa did good this year. He got me some new wireless ear buds!! This year my resolutions need to be epic but followed up with a plan to make them attainable. So, I do foresee some pretty wild playlists being created to be used on some new races being added to my local agenda so I can use these great new ear buds!!! I’ve always been fascinated by learning new things so as I review each of my prior years resolutions, I’ve learned that they’ve all been about learning new activities or ways of life. The only resolution that I keep placing on my to-do list year after year and have yet to get accomplished is learning conversational Spanish fluently. So just to keep tradition, I’ll place it on my list again this year. The other promise that I didn’t keep to myself this year was to complete a pull up. A REAL pull up.
Thank goodness, I received a note from an old friend of mine who I hope will help me achieve this feat soon with a new type of workout. This new workout is really good for developing upper body strength, core, balance and flexibility… all needed to become a better swimmer and cyclist. Pole fitness will enter my New Year’s resolution!!! (Stop it! I hear you laughing!!!)
I’ve been working on a book for a few months now and after a conversation with my publisher, decided to reformat and redesign once again. I will become an author next year.
After all I witnessed this last week, I need to become a bigger part of my Dad’s world at least for the sake of his health (and my sanity). I will officially activate my Real Estate license and become a partner with him this year. (I’ve been procrastinating a bit on this for several reasons. Time to move on.)
I have focused a lot of my energy to bring awareness for cancer these last two years and my fight is not nearly over, however, my focus will change as my eldest son goes to college. Time is precious. Don’t let it slip away from you. I will not stop. I’ll just tone it down a bit. Maybe I’ll help coach? Who knows. 🙂
Now that I’ve discovered the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, I must take steps to incorporate it into the lifestyle of my family. It brought me such great joy to have them run with me at a few of the local 5ks here and to have my son teach me how to swim. Doing all these activities together bonds us and I need to make sure that it’s not just a phase but a daily habit for them to teach their children and grandchildren.
And as weird as this may sound, I have never been able to participate in an ACTS retreat because I always had a little one in the house and never had the heart to send him to Grandma’s house for the weekend in her condition to watch him. Now that he’s older, he’s a bit more self-sufficient and needs little supervision – or at least less than as an infant, I feel I need a whole lot more of God in my life and now is my chance. I think this would make my mother proud and I think it is the hole in my life that I need filled.
I also need to take the time to find and keep joy in my life. It seems that there will always be conflict, anger and disappointment every day no matter what so I need to find a better way to deal. I love painting, photography, dancing and music so making sure that I have healthy, artistic enriched outlets on a regular basis is critical for my well being… and understanding supportive friendships to share them all with. (*that may include some wine and/or bubbles with these activities)
And lastly, I may end up taking this one back but I’ll try it for a while….
Everyone asks me “What are you doing next?”
Someone quite special told me that he rarely tells people what events he’s doing and responds by saying “I’m training for Hog Dash!” (for you non-locals, Hog Dash is a 5k mud run – and he tells people this because he feels that it’s none of anyone’s business what he’s training for). As I reflect back on his advice, I think everything he’s told me has been spot on. So aside from this weekend’s Resolution Run (an annual tradition) and CapTex in May, I hereby publicly announce that I’m training for Hog Dash!!!!
So that’s it… These are my resolutions. Aside from the usual eating better, losing weight and shaving time off my PRs… I’m pretty content with my decisions.
I get to end this year with a Christmas that was nothing like what my Momma organized every year, attend a wedding where I get to witness one of my oldest lifelong friends give his heart away, teach my youngest son how to ride a bike and run with the women who started it all at the race that made running my lifestyle.
This year was rough. Each year becomes tougher. It would be really reckless of me to expect otherwise. Every hardship has taught me a lesson but hasn’t calloused me enough to make me bitter. I think it’s actually made me softer and more forgiving in many ways. I pray that this will make for an interesting year ahead, one that I hope to share with you in all my wild and crazy adventures to fulfill a promise.
My Christmas wish did not come true – but it was a pretty big one so I’m ok with Santa not making it happen. My Christmas was still pretty awesome. Hope yours was, too. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!
Did you get your Christmas wish? What was it?
What are YOUR New Years resolutions?
My “RUNSPIRATIONS” = the women of Run Walk or Crawl running group
I would have given up on myself and running had it not been for these amazing women of immense support. They all came together and brought over food when my mother passed away and they helped gather donations for my Team in Training cancer fund and some even joined me in running a few marathons for TNT. They are relentless!!!
I ran my first street block in October of 2011 in the quiet darkness of the Bicentennial trail. I was 41 years old with no history of athletic skills whatsoever. (However I did do videos of Gilad and Jane Fonda aerobics in the 80’s)
I ran my first mile in November of 2011.
I ran my first 5k in December of 2011. It was the Fiesta Marathon’s 5k. I finished in just under 45 minutes. I ran like Phoebe in the TV sitcom Friends.
I ran my first 10k one month later, January 2012 at the Port Isabel Longest Causeway race.
I ran my first Half marathon the next month, February 2012 on the Birthday of my baby brother, Donny, who had just passed away less than a year before that.
We lost my mother to cancer shortly after in April of 2012. I took all the sadness, anger and every pent up emotion that I had stuffed inside of me and used it to run my first full marathon seven weeks after her death.
I recuperated for a couple of months after that but realized quickly how healing Team in Training was for me.
I went on to do several more half marathons with TNT: one each month until December of 2012 when I decided to revisit my first race… the Fiesta Marathon. But instead of doing the 5k, I challenged myself to do the full 26.2 miles.
It was too much too soon for me. After the 172 Campaign for Vannie Cook Children’s Cancer Center half (September 2012), the Nike Women’s half in San Francisco (October 2012) and the San Antonio Rock & Roll half (November 2012), I ended up injuring myself seriously in the first 6 miles of the Fiesta Marathon (December 2012).
Not wanting to admit to myself that I was seriously hurt, I went on to do the Herothon half in San Antonio in January 2013. It was clear to me that something needed to change.
Running with Team in Training allowed me to take my feelings out on the pavement. It gave me permission to vent. It gave me pleasure to know that I was helping someone else who had gone through what I went through. It gave me hope to know that I was running alongside survivors. I DIDN’T WANT TO STOP. If I stopped…. I was scared that my sadness and anger would end up exploding and hurting those I loved.
So I found an alternative. TRIATHLON!!!
I gave my achilles the chance to heal for a few months while I learned to swim and ride a bike. 10 weeks after I learned to swim, I completed my first triathlon.
And a couple of months after that… I completed the Capital of Texas Triathlon.
And then became the first in our region to win the LLS Triple Crown by completing a 100-mile century ride in the mountains of Nevada at Viva Bike Vegas.
Scattered in between all these events are several other QUALITY local races, duathlons and triathlons that I used for experience and training… but when it came down to the marathon in December… my blood boiled.
I wanted so badly to avenge myself for the mistakes I made last year. I wanted so badly to do well.
Sadly, for as much as I wanted it and planned for it and prepared for it… I think God had other plans. The reasons that I wanted to do well in it didn’t match the reasons that I joined Team in Training in the first place. The reasons I wanted to do well were ego based. I’m glad now that I recognized it and chose to do the half instead for all the right reasons.
The Fiesta Marathon of prior years was moved to Edinburg and upped in date. It was replaced by the Inaugural McAllen Marathon on the same weekend in December. It was bitter cold and on a route that I had never run before but I was surrounded by my TNT team mates, Maniacs, RWC girls and Cyclepaths all along the course.
I started out the race with a dear friend that I missed so very much. She lost her mother as well. Stephanie and I have lived mirrored lives for so long. Running in the city of my home alongside an old friend felt unusually natural. Unlike other races where nerves kick in… this one had no nervousness. Just pure excitement. I ran alongside the women who took me under their wings while training for my triathlons. Three fierce women who had just completed a half ironman a short while earlier and they weren’t even breaking a sweat. Karen Watt jokingly blurted out “It can’t be good when you get passed by a Christmas tree!” A runner dressed up as a Christmas tree had just run past us.
As I got warmed up, I began to peel off layers of clothing and wrapped the sleeves of my jacket around my waist. My pace slowed down while I did this when a man running behind me a few paces sped up to tell me that I was his inspiration. Caught by surprise and still a bit uneasy with compliments, I think I blushed and admitted that I didn’t think I’d be anyone’s inspiration that day. I was going to take it easy and enjoy the run. He ended up sticking along with me throughout the entire race. Gotta admit, his unexpected compliment made me feel really good.
I could not believe how many friends were there cheering!!! Sooooooo many Team in Training team mates, soooo many RWC and VRC fellow runners and their families all yelling their lungs out with cowbells and posters and hugs and hand signs!!! Seeing their faces light up when they saw me… it was like the sparkle in my Momma’s eyes through theirs. It invigorated me.
I chose 2:19 as my finish goal. This is the birthday of my baby brother, Donny. I figured that if I run the first three miles at a 9-and-something-minute mile pace, I can easily finish the rest of the race at a comfortable 11-and-something-minute mile pace and enjoy my hometown marathon event. All went well as planned until towards the middle of mile ten, I had just passed my run gurus high five cheer (German Medrazo) at the Valley Running Cheer stop when BOTH my legs cramped up with charlie horses. I was at a complete stop. I seriously could not move any further.
I got so scared that I took a look back to make sure that no one was about to run into me. I was about a half a block away from German and thought maybe I should shout out to him… but then what??? I simply stretched and stretched and stretched my calves out. I can’t honestly say that I stretched them out to the point where I was pain free but that stubborn ego inside of me knew the finish line was just a 5k away and I had already wasted my perfectly paced time on this stretching. I impatiently got up from the curb and hobbled on. I dropped down to a 12-minute pace. I knew at that time I lost my goal but kept on. What else was I gonna do? My car was over there. I couldn’t go home by snapping my fingers.
I hobbled on and hobbled on until a big black truck drove close by me with a Kenyan chasing it. THAT’S THE FIRST MARATHON FINISHER!! How cool is that to cross the finish line WITH A KENYAN!!!
I am stoked! I am beyond stoked! Can you imagine the stories I tell my friends about this???
“Ya… here’s my finisher photo with my crazy fast Kenyan run buddy… We finished at the same time. Well, he finished just a few seconds before me so technically he won the race and got the check.” — Oh man!!! I could milk this like the biggest fish story ever!!!
Nope!
Cramps again. There goes that awesome story. I stop for a while and stretch again because I simply cannot move my right leg at all.
“SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP! The freakin finish line is two itty bitty blocks away!” – my inner voice yells at me… AGAIN.
So, I hobble on. I finished with a smile on my face in the most amazing sunshine ever.
Best of all… I finished for ME. I didn’t half-ass it. I did the absolute best that I could. It might not be as good as YOU are but guess what…. I’m not you. And I am soooooo very happy for that because I don’t think you’ll ever see or feel what I did that day.
What makes my dream any less than your dream? We are all different. We all want different things in life. And I can change MY dreams any time I want and I can even get new dreams. How ’bout them apples?
Health and Happiness… my dream has never changed. The path to it, however, sure has.
When my mother learned that she had cancer, she quickly assessed what was a priority in her life and dealt with it accordingly. Her faith in God, her church, her sisters in Christ, her religion and her family were always, always, always at the top.
My mother sent this video to me in December of 2009 because she saw that I was hurt one very special day. After I saw it, I told her that when I was young, I couldn’t see the things she did for me but now that I had become a mother, it was so very visible. Years later, many statements said in this video are even clearer. It took over 100 years to build a cathedral by master builders who did not live to see their work or get recognition for it. But He saw.
Many people do not see our hard work. Many of us are invisible. I am one. I am invisible. My Momma was also invisible. But she knew He saw. Her hard work was done not for anyone here but for One above us. She was always so confident of that.
I’ve always had to have reminders about this. My faith has never been as strong as hers.
I am building a cathedral. Carefully laying each brick just as she did. Many cannot see this. Many will never see it. And that’s ok. It hurts me that they don’t see it but maybe they aren’t meant to see. Maybe it is the finished construction that they need to see for them to receive their faith.
Do you see what I am building?
Are you building something, too? I’ll bet you are. Who are you building it for?
I haven’t seemed to find my focus these last few months… in fact, probably since Viva Bike Vegas. My head hasn’t been in the game for a while. Distracted with emotion, stress and chaos has veered my energies elsewhere. Unfortunately, it veered off into a place where I had no control. I know better than to worry about things that are not within my control… but I did. And it played it’s dirty little games with me.
About a month ago, I went “back to basics”. I’m re-learning how to run. I’m riding and running garminless. I’ve put the fun back into my workouts. Maybe this kind of attitude doesn’t work for everyone but it allowed me to take a step back and evaluate my performance, get to know – really get to know and appreciate – the fellow athletes who have kindly taken me under their wings. This is my off season and I felt I should take the time to thank those who supported me, emotionally, financially, physically and spiritually and I loved every minute of it and every one of them. I smile when I run. I sing when I ride. I still freak out a bit when I swim. Eh… what’d you expect?
But the entire time I was feeling really good about myself, there were a couple of people who just couldn’t get what I was doing. The words “lazy” and “selfish” echoed with no end on a daily basis over these last few months. Sadly, I am still human. When someone is told they are something routinely (whether positive or negative) every day, they tend to believe that they are (positive or negative) eventually. So, I began to believe it. I am still struggling with that.
Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.
I’ve said many times over and over again to my close friends, confidants, team mates, coaches, and in this blog that being mentally strong is critical to participating in these endurance events. I have learned that my body can now do ANYTHING I prepare it to do. However, my head can quickly – without notice – put an end to all that hard work and physical capabilities with one simple little whisper.
YOU CAN’T
So when my doubting attitude starts to befriend those who call me lazy, selfish, childish, immature, not dedicated enough, not athletic enough, a spotlight hogger, etc… the dark side rises. It seems to be a never ending battle of wits but with a double edged sword.
The challenge is an enigma. I do well, I get criticized by some and praised by others. I do poorly, I get criticized by some and encouraged by others. So, when I do an event and figure out that it doesn’t really matter if I do well or bad, I just do it to keep some sanity in my life, I still get criticized by some and then, surprisingly… silence from the others.
I will likely step down after this season as my son will be leaving for college and my focus will be directed elsewhere once again. I made a promise. I will not stop. However, I am going to take it easy for a little bit now and stay right where I am… And where am I exactly you ask? I’m at the first line of Sissy’s Tree picture… just where she wanted me. I understand so much better now than I did a year ago, two years ago. I have found happiness and healing. I have done all that the tree picture said to do. I savored each instruction and lived it well. I strayed from it for a short while but now I’m back.
Tomorrow I’m running the McAllen Marathon for fun at an easy pace with some really good supportive friends that I’ve made along the way. Originally, I was hoping to avenge myself after last years marathon disaster but after stepping back and thinking about things with a clearer head and peaceful heart, I’m gonna do the half with a fun playlist and smile the whole way through. So take that!!
I’ll close with an excerpt from my Momma’s diary in hopes that I not only fulfill her dreams of doing everything possible to help those touched with cancer but also what she hoped for her family – my family.
“Statistically, I will be dead within 2 or 3 years. I have asked the Lord and His mother, the Virgin Mary, to give me a couple of years more so I can see Michael graduate from high school. That would make me so happy. …. I ask the Lord to give me patience and I still continue to pray for his intercession. I hope and pray that I have the strength to get through this.” — Mimi Cardenas
I’ve had to deal with some serious challenges the last few days and have spent too many tears on the subject.
Need to take some down time from the blog, from the training and from …
Picking my battles. Hope I’m not gone long.
If… If only.
I spent this Thanksgiving holiday weekend with my family, the little that is left of it. I didn’t really get to spend a lot of time with friends. Many have moved away. Many have moved on. Many did the Turkey Trot that I have yet to do!!!
Yep, you read that right. I didn’t run the Turkey Trot. Why? You ask.
Because the Turkey Trot is a family tradition. And Thanksgiving is a family tradition.
But my family doesn’t run. My family eats. So Thanksgiving dinner is OUR tradition and I’m all that is left with the recipes and I am all that is left to keep the tradition alive for my children to remember when they are adults. Otherwise, it’d be Luby’s take out on tray tables in the living room watching the Dallas Cowboys play football. (Sorry if I offend some of you who do this but my Momma held our dinners to a whole different standard)
I know this is completely contradictory of all the healthy practices I’ve entertained these last two years, all the blogs I follow and requote and probably everything you want to hear… but it’s true.
I cooked for twelve. Only five sat at the table. There is significance in that. It was a feast. I ran out of butter. I spent all day barefoot and in the kitchen. For the first time EVER (while taking basting breaks from the turkey)… I took the time to do my hair and make up because Momma said that lipstick was very important. I used the white and gold china dishes. I used the white linen napkins and carefully rolled each of them up by hand and placed them by the edge of each setting.
I messed up her mushroom rice casserole. I should have added another french onion soup. Because it wasn’t perfect, I couldn’t eat it.
I spent the whole day cleaning, cooking and then cleaning everything up again. By myself. I didn’t complain. It was what my Momma did for years before… and she looked forward to it. How women do this and then get up at 4 a.m. to go shopping the next day exhausted and with this little bit of sleep is beyond me. Well, no wonder we have the chaos at Walmarts like we do on Black Friday!!!
I was able to run my 20 miles on Wednesday before. My time wasn’t great but better than the time before and I did it without injury or pain and was able to sing on key to much of my playlist!!! Best of all… it was such a BEAUTIFUL day!!! It was probably THE MOST PERFECT DAY FOR RUNNING EVER IN THE HISTORY OF ME RUNNING!!!
So not running on Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday… was ok with me.
http://distilleryvesper5-13.ak.instagram.com/15ef48dc5ae111e380990e1230a8663d_101.mp4
I was able to decorate the house for the kids and put up the Christmas tree. I’m crazy afraid of heights so I didn’t put up the lights around the house outside… but I’m still pondering if I can do it. My favorite little local candy shops also sent me little notes and special discounts so I was able to get some Christmas shopping done, too.
My favorite part of the weekend was Saturday night. The house was quiet and I had just finished the tree and I found the bouquet of mistletoe in the box of decorations. I frantically searched for the step ladder and quickly hung it up in the entryway. I don’t think the boys know the meaning of mistletoe. I couldn’t help but reminisce and keep the memory there as long as I could. I must have stood there under the mistletoe for an hour staring at it.
I remember clearly how my Dad would hang the mistletoe above the door so that he could sneak a kiss from Momma every time she entered the house. My parents made Christmas really special to Donny and me. I feel bad for those who don’t understand and will never feel what I do at this time of year.
I wonder if I’ve been able to do the same for my children.
I hope that when my children grow up, they have sweet warm loving memories of holidays and not just visiting loved ones in hospitals for them to cherish.
I’ve failed a lot in my life but this… this is where I pray I don’t. I can’t. I don’t want to fail them.
“I am proud to be a normal size girl and I want to encourage everyone to be confident at any size.” – Miranda Lambert, speaking out on rumors about her weight loss in an open letter to her fans.
After Thanksgiving, many of us (who are obsessed with body image) feel guilty about our celebratory feast with friends and family. Even more of my personal friends who are now getting ready or swim suit finals at Miss Texas Teen USA are even more frenzied. And poor Maria Kang seems to be getting even deeper into the drama of size, image, hate and inspiration.
I’m glad that I now realize the difference between a socially accepted beautiful body and a doctor recommended healthy body.
It’s weekends like this when I can sit back and be pretty dang content with myself.
I can run twenty miles. I can eat a good Thanksgiving dinner. And I am ok.
I’ll wear stretchy pants and oversized sweaters for a few days…
And I’ll run the HALF marathon next weekend. Not the full. Thank you Sissy. It took a while for me to look deep inside and understand that no matter what I do, it still will never be good enough for some people. Why hurt myself trying to prove them wrong? I need to remember why I started this in the first place and stay true to myself.
I’ve made my Christmas wish. The stars know and only they will tell.
The cold front blew in Friday and I was chomping at the bit to run in the rare chilly weather (*chilly = 42 degrees). I know… I know… some of you Yankee amigos are giggling at that reference but honestly, we don’t get below 70 round these parts much!!!
So let me backtrack a bit for some randomness over the last couple of days that lead into the rest of today’s story…
A few days ago, my best friend since high school had twins!!! This woman is downright amazing. Phenomenal, I tell you! She has this charisma about her that infatuates EVERYONE around her. I remember her scoring an almost perfect SAT and treating it like is was no biggie. I can count on the fingers of ONE hand everyone I consider knows, has and has seen all the best (and my favorite) musical artists of all time. She would be the thumb. She’s a crazy red head who is silly enough to always have the best time EVER doing inappropriate things and smart enough to never get caught doing them! She’s successful, organized, funny, styled to the T and is now… a mommy to Fiona Ray and Jake Ryan. I am beyond elated!!!
*p.s. She asked me a while back ago for some name suggestions. Jake Ryan made the cut. I found out just last week when I helped throw a surprise baby shower for her. Jake Ryan is for the most beautiful boy of all my favorite brat pack movies…
So anyway… (sorry, I had a moment there reminiscing with Jake) it got me thinking… I’ve always wanted a big family. Could I have another baby?
Here we are in our 40’s, all settled into our ways of life… I mean really, 40-some is just too old… right? It’s too hard on a woman’s body. Child bearing is for young women. Right? Do I wanna know? Whether or not I feel I can do it, I know for a fact she can. Taking up running at such a late age in life the way I have and finishing so many marathons, triathlons and that amazing century ride… surely I can handle a baby. Hmmm…
Fiona Ray and Jake Ryan and their fantabulous Mommy!!!
Well, I HAVE been saying that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Right?
And then I got the picture text to me on the phone. My heart completely melted. I was breathless. Enamored.
I woke up Saturday morning snuggled up warmly under my big blanket and for a moment hit snooze. It was almost like the trail itself got up and pushed me outta bed as it suddenly dawned on me… IT’S COLD!!! Let’s go run!
It was an amazing run!!! I began very early in the morning… 5:00a.m. I was scheduled to do 20 miles. I bundled up. Thermal leggings, shin socks, thermal long sleeve jersey with those cute little cut outs for my thumbs and a light wind breaker. YAY!!! I don’t get to wear winter gear often!!!
As I began my run, a light drizzle fell. I thought to myself, “Eh, that’s ok. It’s not rain and won’t soak all the way through my clothes.” Just then… it began to rain. 😦
I was 7 miles into my run. My goal was 20. I was chilled to the bone. I was going to shiver the whole way and be miserable on this run if I didn’t do something about this right then and there!!! I decided to head back to my car and drive home to get more gear = my big black TNT hoodie sweat shirt and cheap throw away mittens.
I drove back and began my run again. For a while there, the trail was completely baron. This is odd for a Saturday morning. It was usually jam packed with runners, joggers, walkers and cyclists. I figured this was a little gift for me. I was able to freely escape and zone out and think of the stuff of life that makes me happy.
The last few bike rides and runs have been Garmin-free. I didn’t want to burn out on all my activities so I went back to basics and just rode and ran for fun. I did them both at a conversational pace and have been able to get to know the fellow athletes around me. I think it was a good move on my part. By reading this blog, you probably think that my life is just about working out…. but in reality my life is pretty multifaceted. There was always something to talk about, laugh about and afterwards enjoy a cup of coffee and bond even more. I really did want to know about them more. They are quite fascinating!!!
But Saturday was just me. I was curious to see if all this up and down and no Garmin attitude over the last few months had changed my pace and endurance. My garmin reminded me at every mile that it certainly had changed. However – and maybe it was because of the weather – maybe it was the excitement of the twins – maybe it was the possibility my new found attitude to conquer any challenge out there that was driving me but – I felt awesome out there on the trail that morning!!!
I could have run forever.
FOREVER
Slowly but forever.
I remembered another conversation earlier this week about someone telling me “A 6:30 marathon isn’t for me. Why even train” (that kinda smarted because 6:30 was my time last year at the Fiesta Marathon and exactly the reason why I wanted so badly to redeem myself this year) – and while my pace this morning wouldn’t result in a 6:30 time, it wouldn’t be super great either. I thought a lot about this during my run. I signed up for the full marathon in two weeks and began to doubt my ability. I’ve been inconsistent with my times and haven’t had the opportunity to put in my miles the proper way. And well, bottom line is… my head’s not in the game. The possibility of another 6:30 happening again to me or close to it is pretty high with this kind of doubt in my head. I ended up with a total of 17 miles that day. Not quite 20. Head games again.. even when I felt great.
So why do I still let people and their remarks get to me?
I don’t know. I really don’t know.
And here’s the heart of the matter… Do I really want to know?
What I do know is that when I am around good, fun, genuine people I am good, fun and genuine as well. When I am around bitter, negative, selfish, stingy, egotistical plastics… I find myself becoming more like them (or any other type of personality for that matter). There’s a saying – you become like the five people you surround yourself the most. I think I began to take on the goals of those 5 people and forgot about my own.
So when someone from the first group I described shared a thought with me – not knowing my circumstance – it struck a chord.
Here’s the conversation:
Friend: You smile a lot when you run! But not when you race.
Me: Well thats because we’re just having fun putting in the miles here on the trail. Aren’t you supposed to be serious and focused when you race? (I said it kinda sarcastically and now regret it)
Friend: Well I thought the whole point of you taking up running was to find your happiness again? Wasn’t that the first line in the tree picture?
touche
Funny how I keep finding myself back in this situation over and over again. Back to the tree picture… back to the same friends who ground me to the goodness I love.
Smile more. Run more. Become more.
I love you.
RunMyssieRun 