Yesterday I went in for my MRI after a few weeks of chiropractic treatments at the Martin Chiropractic Clinic for my hip pain that I had been dealing with. Over the last few weeks, each of the Dr. Martins (there are 5 of them!) had all treated me and became very involved in my healing process. Over the last few weeks, I’ve discovered how very little I know about my own body and how it works.
I walked into the MRI clinic a little bit uneasy. It’s hard to explain. I knew there was nothing to be afraid of but I was afraid. I didn’t tell anyone that I was having an MRI done because I didn’t want to worry anyone and because I didn’t want to worry anyone, I couldn’t ask anyone about all that an MRI entails. The technician walked in about 20 minutes late for my appointment but quickly instructed me to disrobe and put on a faded, blue hospital gown. He then had me lay down on the bench in the middle of the cold, sterile, white room. After he propped up my knees and tucked me in, the room hummed louder than an 80’s hair band rock concert and the bench I was laying on rolled into a coffin-like cocoon that almost burst my eardrums with an endless series of clicking sounds. Twenty minutes passed and the whole thing was over.
“A copy of your CD is available up at the front desk for you and the evaluation will be sent to Dr. Martin tomorrow morning,” he said.
Yes, I immediately grabbed the CD and threw it into my computer the first chance I could. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the software installed to be able to view anything on there.
Today, Doc Martin sat down with me and discussed in full detail all of my results:
No evidence of fracture, dislocation, bone bruise or bone contusion. No evidence of solid or cystic bone lesions. there is straightening of the lumbar spine mostly related to muscle spasm and pain.
L1-L2: No evidence of bulge or herniation.
L2-L3: No evidence of bulge or herniation. There is bilateral facet synovitis.
L3-L4: No evidence of bulge or herniation. There is bilateral facet synovitis.
L4-L5: There is a 2 mm posterior disc bulge with some impingement on the thecal sac. There is bilateral facet synovitis, right more than left.
L5-S1: there is partial desiccation of this disc space. there is a 4 mm posterior and central disc herniation with impingement on the central aspect of the thecal sac and minimal impingement on the right neural exit focamen.
What a pain in the butt!
After a cram session of anatomy, Dr. Martin led me to a back room, buckled me tightly onto a bed, programmed some numbers into a computer and slowly began pulling my spine. At first I felt like nothing was going on except for my shoulders being pulled up and boobs popping out but then just like he said… I felt the spine gently elongating. It wasn’t painful. But it was odd. *Secretly, I hope this adds at least a few inches to my height!
One of his assistants then led be to a back massage chair where she “beamed me up” with a cold laser. “It activates the mitochondria to facilitate healing” – ok, I haven’t heard the word “mitochondria” since Sophomore year of high school. Just because that term was used… I’ll buy into it.
*anyone who can incorporate mitochondria, onomatopoeia and any random algebraic formula into my everyday life will redeem three wasted years of high school for me.
“Make sure to ice your back and I’ll see you tomorrow.” he said.
So long story short… I didn’t make run practice tonight with the TEAM. But I feel stronger and more united with support than ever before. Those who truly want me to succeed are beginning to show themselves. And I am so very blessed to have them with me!!!
Some runners measure their success in time, others in distance… mine was in keeping a promise.
Last night I was asked to tell my story at the “kick-off” party for ACS’s annual Cattle Baron’s Ball. From the moment I walked up the stairs to the event, I felt a gush of sweat trickling down my back. I was a big ball of nerves. I hate crying and I knew that by sharing my story to this group, I would eventually burst out into sobs… and not those Hollywood glamorous slow motion tear drops gracefully gliding down a single cheek… I’m talking full blown Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer blaring red neck with slimy boogers gushing outta my nostrils and the black mascara smudged down my face kind of train wreck. So as I approached the microphone, I apologized in advance. I hope it was sufficient for them… because all the above happened. I told my story… skimmed through some parts… forgot others.. purposely didn’t talk about that…and wrapped it up before I made a complete fool of myself in public… and then walked off stage. Dad was in the audience. Knowing he was there made me nervous and safe at the same time. George, the chairman for the event announced that Mark Chesnutt will be performing live for the Cattle Baron’s Ball with Costello opening up for them. The band then performed some songs for the group there and closed with “After that speech, we’ve decided to donate the portion that we are being paid to perform back to the cause!” I was floored!!! Lack’s Furniture donated $25,000.00 to support transportation services for those who need assistance getting to and from treatment. And so many others also stepped up to do what they could… This evening my cup runneth over. This… this is what Momma prayed for. It’s all coming together.
I’ve been a fan of Sheryl Sandberg for years and never knew it. One year ago exactly to this day, I read her book Lean In and immediately felt empowered, revived and brought back the old Myssie that I missed for so many years… you know the girl… the one who thought she could do it all and be awesome at it no matter what.
Yesterday, she posted this… (I have copied and pasted it below) and again, I feel like she really nailed the emotion of losing someone you love – at least, she nailed what I felt during that time.
Am I better now? Does the pain go away?
Years have gone by and yes, I am better… today. There’s good days and bad days and you keep moving forward because as much as you want to just sink into the bottomless rabbit hole of depression, I know I don’t have the luxury of time for a mental meltdown. I have children to raise, work to do and a life still yet incomplete of my purpose.
My sympathies, condolences, love and prayers go to Sheryl and her loved ones.
Read on.
Sheryl Sandberg and her late husband, Dave Goldberg.
Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband—the first thirty days. Judaism calls for a period of intense mourning known as shiva that lasts seven days after a loved one is buried. After shiva, most normal activities can be resumed, but it is the end of sheloshim that marks the completion of religious mourning for a spouse.
A childhood friend of mine who is now a rabbi recently told me that the most powerful one-line prayer he has ever read is: “Let me not die while I am still alive.” I would have never understood that prayer before losingDave. Now I do.
I think when tragedy occurs, it presents a choice. You can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe. Or you can try to find meaning. These past thirty days, I have spent many of my moments lost in that void. And I know that many future moments will be consumed by the vast emptiness as well.
But when I can, I want to choose life and meaning.
And this is why I am writing: to mark the end of sheloshim and to give back some of what others have given to me. While the experience of grief is profoundly personal, the bravery of those who have shared their own experiences has helped pull me through. Some who opened their hearts were my closest friends. Others were total strangers who have shared wisdom and advice publicly. So I am sharing what I have learned in the hope that it helps someone else. In the hope that there can be some meaning from this tragedy.
I have lived thirty years in these thirty days. I am thirty years sadder. I feel like I am thirty years wiser.
I have gained a more profound understanding of what it is to be a mother, both through the depth of the agony I feel when my children scream and cry and from the connection my mother has to my pain. She has tried to fill the empty space in my bed, holding me each night until I cry myself to sleep. She has fought to hold back her own tears to make room for mine. She has explained to me that the anguish I am feeling is both my own and my children’s, and I understood that she was right as I saw the pain in her own eyes.
I have learned that I never really knew what to say to others in need. I think I got this all wrong before; I tried to assure people that it would be okay, thinking that hope was the most comforting thing I could offer. A friend of mine with late-stage cancer told me that the worst thing people could say to him was “It is going to be okay.” That voice in his head would scream, How do you know it is going to be okay? Do you not understand that I might die? I learned this past month what he was trying to teach me. Real empathy is sometimes not insisting that it will be okay but acknowledging that it is not. When people say to me, “You and your children will find happiness again,” my heart tells me, Yes, I believe that, but I know I will never feel pure joy again. Those who have said, “You will find a new normal, but it will never be as good” comfort me more because they know and speak the truth. Even a simple “How are you?”—almost always asked with the best of intentions—is better replaced with “How are you today?” When I am asked “How are you?” I stop myself from shouting, My husband died a month ago, how do you think I am? When I hear “How are you today?” I realize the person knows that the best I can do right now is to get through each day.
I have learned some practical stuff that matters. Although we now know that Dave died immediately, I didn’t know that in the ambulance. The trip to the hospital was unbearably slow. I still hate every car that did not move to the side, every person who cared more about arriving at their destination a few minutes earlier than making room for us to pass. I have noticed this while driving in many countries and cities. Let’s all move out of the way. Someone’s parent or partner or child might depend on it.
I have learned how ephemeral everything can feel—and maybe everything is. That whatever rug you are standing on can be pulled right out from under you with absolutely no warning. In the last thirty days, I have heard from too many women who lost a spouse and then had multiple rugs pulled out from under them. Some lack support networks and struggle alone as they face emotional distress and financial insecurity. It seems so wrong to me that we abandon these women and their families when they are in greatest need.
I have learned to ask for help—and I have learned how much help I need. Until now, I have been the older sister, the COO, the doer and the planner. I did not plan this, and when it happened, I was not capable of doing much of anything. Those closest to me took over. They planned. They arranged. They told me where to sit and reminded me to eat. They are still doing so much to support me and my children.
I have learned that resilience can be learned. Adam M. Grant taught me that three things are critical to resilience and that I can work on all three. Personalization—realizing it is not my fault. He told me to ban the word “sorry.” To tell myself over and over, This is not my fault. Permanence—remembering that I won’t feel like this forever. This will get better. Pervasiveness—this does not have to affect every area of my life; the ability to compartmentalize is healthy.
For me, starting the transition back to work has been a savior, a chance to feel useful and connected. But I quickly discovered that even those connections had changed. Many of my co-workers had a look of fear in their eyes as I approached. I knew why—they wanted to help but weren’t sure how. Should I mention it? Should I not mention it? If I mention it, what the hell do I say? I realized that to restore that closeness with my colleagues that has always been so important to me, I needed to let them in. And that meant being more open and vulnerable than I ever wanted to be. I told those I work with most closely that they could ask me their honest questions and I would answer. I also said it was okay for them to talk about how they felt. One colleague admitted she’d been driving by my house frequently, not sure if she should come in. Another said he was paralyzed when I was around, worried he might say the wrong thing. Speaking openly replaced the fear of doing and saying the wrong thing. One of my favorite cartoons of all time has an elephant in a room answering the phone, saying, “It’s the elephant.” Once I addressed the elephant, we were able to kick him out of the room.
At the same time, there are moments when I can’t let people in. I went to Portfolio Night at school where kids show their parents around the classroom to look at their work hung on the walls. So many of the parents—all of whom have been so kind—tried to make eye contact or say something they thought would be comforting. I looked down the entire time so no one could catch my eye for fear of breaking down. I hope they understood.
I have learned gratitude. Real gratitude for the things I took for granted before—like life. As heartbroken as I am, I look at my children each day and rejoice that they are alive. I appreciate every smile, every hug. I no longer take each day for granted. When a friend told me that he hates birthdays and so he was not celebrating his, I looked at him and said through tears, “Celebrate your birthday, goddammit. You are lucky to have each one.” My next birthday will be depressing as hell, but I am determined to celebrate it in my heart more than I have ever celebrated a birthday before.
I am truly grateful to the many who have offered their sympathy. A colleague told me that his wife, whom I have never met, decided to show her support by going back to school to get her degree—something she had been putting off for years. Yes! When the circumstances allow, I believe as much as ever in leaning in. And so many men—from those I know well to those I will likely never know—are honoring Dave’s life by spending more time with their families.
I can’t even express the gratitude I feel to my family and friends who have done so much and reassured me that they will continue to be there. In the brutal moments when I am overtaken by the void, when the months and years stretch out in front of me endless and empty, only their faces pull me out of the isolation and fear. My appreciation for them knows no bounds.
I was talking to one of these friends about a father-child activity that Dave is not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, “But I want Dave. I want option A.” He put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.”
Dave, to honor your memory and raise your children as they deserve to be raised, I promise to do all I can to kick the shit out of option B. And even though sheloshim has ended, I still mourn for option A. I will always mourn for option A. As Bono sang, “There is no end to grief . . . and there is no end to love.” I love you, Dave.
Inspiration surrounds each one of us every second of every day. Some of us just fail to recognize it when it’s right smack in front of our eyes because we’re so into our own little world of me, myself and I.
I’ve mentioned before that I have a lot of coaches. In fact, I consider the whole world my coach for the very reason I wrote about in the above paragraph.
I’ve learned to keep my eyes and heart open for all to inspire me. I’m not sure that I’ve always been this keen to recognizing inspiration but I’m sure much of what I has inspired me lately is because of my fascination with proving to myself and the world that anything is possible if you have PASSION AND SUPPORT.
Today, three amazing examples stood out to me…
EXAMPLE 1: A little 11 year old boy was cyber bullied with ignorant racially motivated hate remarks… and the entire City of San Antonio, the San Antonio Spurs basketball team and celebrity star Eva Longoria came in to support him.
(this video was actually published a few months ago but I just saw it for the first time today – Amazing!!!)
Some of the racially hateful comments made by cyber bullies on social media to Sebastien de la Cruz after singing the National Anthem at a Spurs basketball game in San Antonio.
How he reacted and responded just floored me. Grown up adults need to learn some stuff from this kid!
EXAMPLE 2: A local girl, just a few cities away from me graduated this weekend from high school. And no one let her do it alone.
Rio Hondo administrators and school board members held a special graduation ceremony for Madison Macias who is battling stage 4 brain cancer..via Marcy Martinez. Let’s send her congrats and well wishes to remind her that no one fights alone.
EXAMPLE 3: While at my son’s very first piano recital tonight, I not only saw him conquer the fear of performing in public after just a couple of months of lessons but I also saw something quite extraordinary. I’m not here to brag about me, my son or any other family member – but he WAS awesome – and as much as I would love to break my promise about not talking about how wonderful my boys are… I’m not. I’m going to have YOU witness what I saw today in front of my own eyes.
I not only saw but heard these twins, a brother and a sister, marvelously master the ivories of a piano. The two had to have been about the same age as my son. Quite honestly, I don’t know their story but if you pay attention to the video, I think you’ll get it without me having to spell it out for you – it’s not obvious at first but then it’ll hit you… just as my video began to capture the other parents in the audience record this performance, I think we all recognized how special these two children are. Clearly the passion and the support is here. What touched me most was how the brother helped his sister up on the stage, adjusted her seat and then adjusted it again to get it just right for her. At the end of all the performances, awards were given out. They won BEST PIANIST OF THE YEAR. Obviously the winner was a tie between the two siblings and there is no way anyone can say one deserved it more than the other. So, to Sara and Erick Ramirez, thank you! Thank you and your parents, your family, your teachers and your piano instructor for proving to me that anything can be done and done in ways that give so much joy and happiness, too!!!
No matter what it is that YOU want to do, if you have support and passion for it… it can be done! So when you see someone who clearly has a passion for something they want to accomplish, be there for them. Applaud them, tell them “great job!”, “Well done!” and “keep it up”. Give them the thumbs up, the pat on the back and the encouragement that they need to get there. We all need that every once in a while.
I know I could not have done all that I have without the support that was given to me. No one does it alone.
When I was asked to be a group Captain for this year’s Ride of Silence, it took a whole of a quarter of a second to respond with a resounding YES! ABSOLUTELY! YOU BETCHA!!!
While we didn’t have the almost 600 cyclists in attendance like we did last year, the group was large enough to stop traffic all around town and make a very loud statement with our silent ride. We passed by two white ghost bikes. Two that were not on last year’s route. Their families stood on stage and said profound words of wisdom for all of us to reflect upon and in the audience were countless cyclists who were hit by distracted drivers, survived and were ready to mount their bikes once again for this annual display of honor and remembrance.
As we approach this year’s annual Ghost Bike Ride, I wanted to share a bit of the video and articles from last year. What we did then as a community was huge. Awareness campaigns worked. As a result, there were ZERO fatalities this year in the City of McAllen. However, there were still several accidents within the City and fatalities in surrounding cities. We still have much work to do and we MUST do it together.
A man shared with me not too long ago that after he lost his child to cancer, he also lost his job, his house and his marriage. He used his sons college fund to pay for his daughters treatment and was head first in the quicksand of debt. He stared off into space as if he was reciting a poem that wasn’t authored by him. His voice cracked as he looked up and said “buy hey, I’ve got my health.”
I’ve had some pretty deep conversations lately with strangers. Isn’t that weird? How you can spill your guts to a total stranger easier than you can talk about those same feelings with your best friend? Hmmm you don’t? Well at this moment and with this topic… I did.
Maybe it’s because I’ve spilled my guts before to people who I thought were friends and they used that weak point against…
Posted in Uncategorized on May 15, 2015 by runmyssierun
I have to admit, there’s been times when I blurt out that I hate to run, too. Seriously funny read for me but I know this guys feelings are pretty genuine. I don’t often reblog others stories here but this was too funny not to share. Hope y’all can connect with the feelings and enjoy.
P.S. You don’t have to run. Just go out and get your body to move.
People dipped discreetly into boxes of chocolate-covered nuts. There were carpets on the walls. An entire seat just for me. And not the usual rubbish designed for children, made of Marmite-proof, Oros-repellent plastic: this one was upholstered in the kind of plush, red velvet you can only dream of when you’re six. Best of all, we’d come to see Chariots Of Fire, a film about two of my favourite things at the time: chariots and fire.
When we opened on a beach in Scotland, with no sign of burning two-wheelers, I was disappointed. But only for a moment. Soon I was bewitched by the iconic theme, clean as endorphins pulsing through a brain; hypnotised by the white-clad figures skipping through the St Andrews surf.
One of them seemed to be overcome with some sort of rapture, throwing…
Posted in Uncategorized on May 3, 2015 by runmyssierun
In a prior post that spoke of hate mail, I struggled with the publishing of it because I was affraid that some people would skim over a few of the lines and leave with a negative perspective and not read the very last line (since it was so long) and not get the most important part.
But this one… This one’s easy.
I get at least one of these a day in my inbox.
I have so much hope for us!!! We’re all changing TOGETHER!!!! For the better!!!
Last year I had an event scheduled every weekend to motivate me to keep pushing forward. The adrenaline, motivation, enthusiasm was freakin awesome!!!!! And it showed!!!!
This year, I’ve competed in ONE event. It’s already May and boy does it show, too!!!
Not very happy about it since this weekend is the Jail break, Pedal to Padre, cyclovia on the island, SB250 training, and so many other that I’ve missed. I missed all the Time Trials and all the Crits. This is all chipping away at my motivation.
About a month ago, my bike guru hooked me up with Zwift – so I wouldn’t miss out on training like I have been missing my events. All this time I’ve been messing with it, trying to get it hooked up to my computer and I couldn’t get it just right. In frustration, I would jump on my bike and just pedal. No Zwift no computer readings, no zilch, no nada, no nothing… Just me, my frustration, my spotify playlist and my Mimi.
Last night, after a tough day at work and coming home to no clear stress relief, I went at it again. AND GOT IT RIGHT THIS TIME!!!!
I got about 6 miles recorded on Zwift!! There I was on screen, me and my orange bike and my orange jersey… RIDING!!!
No sag needed, no tire changing kits needed, no worry about being hit by a drunk driver or someone texting and driving.
I was riding!!! Free!!!
Riding in my office at home 😦
Oh well… I’ll have to imagine the wind against me, the scent of orange blossoms and sounds of sugar cane as I whizz by.
So in the thrill of finally being in the game, I oedaled as fast and as hard as I could. And I saw my name… It was on the side board and jumped up one level and another and another… Before I knew it… My orange Z jersey I was wearing disappeared and was replaced with the QOM Polka Dot jersey!!!!
Yes!!!! Woo whoop!!!
QOM = queen of the mountain
That means I took top ranking!!! I had to stop my ride after just one loop because I had to take my son to piano lessons. But I’ll be back.
Try to fit in workouts when life allows it. Sometimes life is good and sometimes you just have to work with what life gives you.
FIRST OFF, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO ANYONE THAT I HAVE EVER HURT IN MY LIFE INTENTIONALLY OR UNINTENTIONALLY. People change and have a bad habit of not telling each other that we’ve changed. I am not perfect and I know I’ve hurt some people before. I do try very hard not to but I am human and mess up from time to time. So, if I’ve hurt you and apologized for it, know that I am genuine. If I’ve hurt you and didn’t realize I did, I am so very sorry. If I apologized, and you never forgave me… I’m still sorry. No need to come back into my life if you feel it is unnecessary/uncomfortable. Maybe God meant for us to go different directions.
This entry is rather long and has been in draft mode since about the middle of 2014… I took a lot of time with this one. It has little to do with ridding the world of cancer or how to run a marathon or train for a triathlon… but it has the most critical ingredient for doing everything in your life to the best of your ability.
I remember Momma telling me that she was grateful for some of the things that cancer made her aware of. She said it taught her what was really important in life. It taught her how to say “NO” to the things that were not priority. It taught her about faith, family and friends. It taught her about the importance of forgiveness.
Not too long ago, I did a little experiment in forgiveness. Remembering her words, I asked for forgiveness from those whom I thought I had wronged for one reason or another. I’ll be honest, many of the times, I had no clue what it was that I did that made them hate me so much but I thought it was the right thing to do in this journey of mine in order to continue forward.
The responses from them were shocking but I had prepared myself for anything so I knew whatever it was that came back to me, I would take to heart and use it to make myself better. Just like in pageants, I went into it knowing I was giving these people the opportunity to judge me and hoping that I could use their feedback to make me a better person.
I straight up asked for forgiveness for anything that I had done wrong to them and asked them to tell me what it was that I did so that I could correct it. Weird thing was that… NOT ONE of them said I had done anything wrong to them. They said they just didn’t like me any more. They liked me when I was sad and when things in my life were falling apart but once I found happiness and conquered my struggles, they no longer saw a reason to befriend me.
I was listening to satellite radio not too long ago… it was the morning mash up on Sirius with Taylor Swift. What she said was brilliant about the masses criticizing her. They had asked her if she took all the criticism that was given to her seriously. Taylor responded in the exact same way that I did. If the criticism came from someone credible with valuable critiques, she did her best to make those suggested changes. However she noticed that some of the criticizers said things mostly because they saw something in her that scared them, intimidated them or came from an angry foundation within that person.
Swift knows that she can’t please everyone, no matter how many records she sells or awards she wins.
“When you do what I do, which is you put yourself out there for a lot of people to say whatever they want, there’s a million different opinions,” she told E! News. “I get that, no matter what, you’re going to be criticized for something.”
But, according to Swift, there’s a difference between criticism and hate.
“But I also get that there are different kinds of ways to criticize someone. There’s constructive criticism, there’s professional criticism — and then there’s just being mean” she said. “And there’s a line that you cross when you just start to attack everything about a person.”
Very true, Taylor!
As I searched on for ways to deal with this type of behavior, I kept finding that silence is the best way to handle it. “You can’t change people who don’t think what they’re doing is wrong,” I was told.
People don’t come with warning labels tattooed on their foreheads that tell you they are currently struggling with anger issues, or are in their manic stage of being bipolar or are in the deep ruins of depression, addiction or… whatever it is that they are dealing with. Humans are strange beings and complicated. We have a tendency to think that all other beings think the way we do individually and many times – most of the time – it really isn’t the case.
It wasn’t until recently that I discovered that people who have even the slightest bit of a chemical imbalance or mental instability can be easily knocked into a place of anxiety, irritability, anger and other mood swings simply by taking wrong dosages of prescribed drugs, self medicating, too much pre-workout shakes or coffee. I happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time when someone who was tackling this problem went through their swing.
Although it hurt tremendously when I was a recipient of the anger outlash, I also know that their actions came from a deep place that I was never a part of and I simply unintentionally ignited a trigger for them to react the way they did. They will never apologize to me because in their mind, they think they have done nothing wrong or behaved inappropriately. Examining my own behavior, I try to ask/answer to myself if I was in a state of unhealthy emotion and maybe taken their behavior to a completely exaggerated level because I was sad, agitated, sleepy, exhausted, etc. and this could be something that was all concocted in my head. Saying hateful things to another when in a state of anger is no excuse but realizing that when at least one of the parties involved was a little bit off that day, it makes it easier for me to deal with and forgive… and offer even more friendship.
I get hate mail occasionally and can now take a step back and recognize that the people who are saying these things – the really bad things (granted some of my haters have reason to dislike me and I respect that) have had quite a bit of history with their temper and saying some pretty nasty things without apology.
So when I saw a friend of mine torn to shreds by cyber bullies, I picked her up with some pretty vicious quotes that were offered to me as to give her some perspective on how cyber bullies work. I think she appreciated it and giggled when I told her, “My haters are the coolest haters in the world! We must have yours meet up with mine so they can have coffee and discuss further.”
I also mentioned that my haters had a habit of “unfriending” me on facebook but follow me on other social media…
*now, I don’t talk about my day job here – I’m an interwebby nerd aka Social Media Manager, a PR and Marketing manager that specializes in internet technology – so I can see a lot of stuff that most cannot on the net on a regular day to day basis. It’s my job to do so.
So I can see that they view all the stuff I post on other sites. I am pretty active on facebook, twitter, instagram, etc. and this blog. If you’re a follower or friend, It’s pretty easy to see what I’m doing, how I’m feeling, how my training is coming along, etc. because I’m pretty candid. But there are also certain sites that I use for my work clients in addition to my personal stuff (i.e. for their visual graphics, quotes, gifs and other cool stuff that I repost on client sites).
I shared with my beat up cyberbullied friend that when my haters become unmanageable, I will jump onto pinterest or another frequented site and start posting about Jeffery Dahmer. They seem to settle down after that and keep a distance. Heh! Wouldn’t you??? (Ok, that’s a joke and I really don’t do that – but am guilty of posting some pretty funny tongue in cheek stuff that they would understand and get them embarrassed enough to stop their gossiping)
My point being is that if you know someone is being unreasonable and going over the line with gossip about you, it’s ok for you to feel hurt but don’t let it keep you down. Some people are mean. That’s it. They’re just plain ol’ mean. Some people are mean all the time. Some people are mean when they’re triggered by certain memories, certain foods, certain chemicals… but most of the time, their meanness has nothing to do with the person they take it out on.
If you find yourself being a target of people like this, please know that their behavior is rarely because of you as a person. But take care of yourself, shelter yourself and your emotions and don’t let their hate make you like them.
It was then that I saw Cassey Ho stand up for herself against the hate remarks. She wasn’t silent and she did it in an awesome way!!!
That’s when I knew I had to do the same… not just for me but for anyone else who has been told
YOU SUCK
You’re too fat to run a marathon
You’re too slow
Why do you even bother to run a marathon if you can’t finish in “x” hours?
You aren’t embarrassed when people see you like that in spandex? I would be!
Honey, you need to do more squats.
You should work on your core more.
Don’t you think you’re too old for this?
If you collected all the money you spent on races and triathlons, you could have paid a plastic surgeon to do a hell of a better job on you.
You’re just in a midlife crisis looking for attention.
After all those races that you do, you should be in better shape.
and then there’s the gossip said behind my back…
She’s so fake
She lies about her pace time
(and then there’s the gossip too mean to even post here… because I’d hate for my children to find out about that and shame on those gossipers who never thought about that or worse… don’t really care about how their words affect people other than just me)
When people say things like this about my body and me – personally, it hurts me. And honestly, I think they intend to do that. But what takes me over the edge completely is when they talk about the reason I do this.
One of THE most hurtful hate mails I have ever received. It was hurtful because she made me feel like all I’ve done, all that my teammates have done, all that the survivors that have been by my side all along, doesn’t matter. And worse, that they don’t care to get better.
Making a mockery of the money that I have raised, the events I’ve participated in, the organizations I’ve supported is low enough… but saying that these people “don’t really want to fight cancer” is preposterous.
My TNT Super Heros!!! Christa Emig and Eric Cooper (*I tweeted this pic to MK who I later sneaked up on the next day)
David Mendez, 52, beloved son, father, grandfather, brother, uncle, and friend entered into eternal rest on Sunday, January 19, 2014, at his residence in Arroyo City, Texas, surrounded by his loving family after a valiant battle against lymphoma. A native and lifetime resident of Brownsville, David was well-known not only in Brownsville but across the Rio Grande Valley and the state of Texas due to his talents as an architect. David was a partner with Gomez, Mendez, and Saenz, a distinguished architectural firm known throughout the Valley and State. David’s name can be found all across the Valley and State on the countless schools and buildings that he worked on. David was proud to have served as the President of the Lower Rio Grande Valley Chapter of the American Institute of Architects. David’s accomplishments and community involvement are too numerous to mention as he was quite active not only in Brownsville but throughout Cameron County serving on different boards. In his spare time, David was an avid outdoorsman whose passion was fishing, which is why he drove in from Arroyo City where he lived every day. That passion for fishing, led him to establish the Hooked for Life Kids Gone Fishing Foundation several years ago. David strongly believed in the proverb, “give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” David was deeply loved and will be profoundly missed not only by his family and friends but by all those who were fortunate to have known him. David was preceded in death by his loving mother, Esperanza Hinojosa Mendez; a brother, Roberto Mendez, Jr.; and a nephew, Nicolas “Nico” Benavides. Left behind to eternally treasure their memories of him is his father, Roberto C. Mendez; the daughters that were his pride and joy, Erica (Jamie Figueroa) Mendez and Ashley (Andres Guerrero) Mendez; the granddaughter that was the apple of his eye, Natalie Hope Guerrero; his sisters and brother, Margie (Felipe) Beltran, Yvette (Juan) Rey, Monica (Rudy) Buitureira, Cesar (Nancy) Mendez, and Yolanda (Rafael) Leal. David will also be missed by his nieces and nephews, Bobby Beltran, Miguel Rey, Rico (Amy) Benavidez, Vanessa Beltran, Monique Rey, Alejandra Mendez, Brianna Buitureira, Carolina Mendez, Bianca Buitureira, and Cesar Daniel Mendez; two great-nephews, Brandon Rico and Bradley Benavidez; and numerous aunts, uncles, cousins, and other extended family members. Visitation will begin at 10:00 a.m. today, Wednesday, January 22, 2014, and continue through 4:00 p.m. Visitation will resume at 5:00 p.m. and continue through 9:00 p.m. with the recitation of the holy rosary scheduled for 7:00 p.m. at St. Joseph Catholic Church, 555 West St. Francis St., Brownsville. The Funeral Mass will be at 10:00 a.m. on Thursday, January 23, 2014, at St. Joseph’s. All services will conclude after the Mass and in accordance with David’s wishes, cremation will follow. David’s favorite color was yellow. The family respectfully requests that you wear something in any shade of yellow to the services. Rene Capistran, Rudy Gomez, Joey Lopez, Dr. Ruben M. Torres Jr., M.D., Joe Touchet, and Manny Vasquez are honored to be serving as David’s pallbearers. David’s brother, Cesar; his brothers-in-law, Felipe, Juan, and Rudy along with Roan Gomez, Isaac Ochoa, Rolando Borrayo, Johnny Rodriguez, Dr. Nolan Perez, Manny Vela, and the Hooked for Life Executive and Advisory Boards will serve as honorary pallbearers. In lieu of flowers and in keeping with David’s passion for fishing, memorial gifts in David’s name may be made to the foundation he started: Hooked for Life, 1800 E. Van Buren Street, Brownsville, Texas 78520.
Sissy
Yes, that hurts. I’ve gotten to know each of these and many many, too many others who are also “fighting cancer” and I can tell you from the deepest part of my heart… they aren’t faking it. They’re fighting it … or they fought it with all they had.
After asking these people who hurt me, why they did the things they did… one REALLY surprised me saying that if I’m willing to put myself out there, I’m automatically giving the public permission to judge me. (*in a way, I get this, but what I don’t get is the next thing she said) She considered herself a really good friend of mine because by telling me that she and a few others had been talking behind my back and mocking me, that I should not let it bother me because eventually it would make me a better person.
What the…???? Ya, now you see.
So when this same group of people continue to speak non-sense of me with ill intent and others come to me to let me know, I have a hard time saying in a nice way that some of these people are a bit off their rocker. I am better able to cope with gossipers, haters, bullies and word vomit from the peanut gallery. But it still hurts.
I enter as many events that I possibly can. Yes, there have been a lot of them. More than most people do for a cause. I do events and fundraise/participate in global, national, state, regional, community, local organizations and non-profits and individual fundraisers for friends of mine or family members/friends of friends.
I do this because I want to help with the things that my mother identified gaps in: helping local people who have a need and are coping with cancer, helping the caretakers of those people, making sure that everyone has access to affordable treatment, finding a cure and finding the cause.
I help local AND national/worldwide funds because, lets face it… there are no medical or science labs that are located in the Valley that can find the cure or find the cause.
The majority of my participation in events has been with LLS because it was Sissy’s last request for me to run for her. She had a blood cancer, the type of cancer that LLS specializes in. I’ve also participated and helped with many, many others.
Now, I know what I’ve done and why I do this. Clearly, this bully didn’t and she has her own perception of me. I was told a long time ago to just not defend myself or try to reason with her because
So now, today, I am in awe of the way that Cassey Ho gracefully made her point. She changed herself to fit what the haters wanted but then SHE wasn’t happy inside. If I change myself to become what my haters tell me to become like, then I won’t be fulfilling the promise that I made in the first place. And we all know, it won’t make them happy. They’ll just find something else or someone else to be complaining about. Happy people just don’t say things like this at all.
Oh… and P.S. I don’t post and blog for attention. I’m in MARKETING, PR AND ADVERTISING. This is my field of occupation. I know better than to think I’ll get my story heard by those who need it if I just keep my head down and mouth shut. I’m not spilling my guts about my races to brag or compete against YOU. It’s to share my experiences so that I keep it from eating me up inside, start the conversation so that we all learn together from each other, grow as a healthy population towards a world without cancer.
Oh.. and another P.S. the next time that girl with acrylic nails, frosted highlights and three feet of mac lip stick and a maxed out credit card filled with botox tells you that I’m “fake”, just smile at her and remember the picture posted above.
Ok… the last P.S…. don’t let the haters get the best of you either. Ok? You’re better than that.
RunMyssieRun 