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Two Nineteen was my sign

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 10, 2014 by runmyssierun

If you follow any of my social media accounts, you can probably agree that one of my most iconic photos was the one of me crying as I crossed the finish line at the LiveSTRONG half marathon (my very first half marathon) on my baby brother’s birthday a few months after his death while listening to his voicemail on my iPhone.

Tears for Donny

That was on February 19th. Donny’s birthday. Two Nineteen.

I have since turned this number into a goal, a race goal. And the thing about me is that once I set my mind to something, I make a plan, practice, practice, practice, and then I go get it.

Oddly enough… when I tried to achieve this goal at the McAllen Half Marathon, I cramped up twice and missed my time. I failed.

I went back to basics. I went to Hector Gandara, my run coach and instructor for Valley Running Company’s Running 101 class, and told him that I wanted to sign back up for his class so that I could go back to LiveSTRONG this year and finish at 2:19 for Donny. He put me on a plan.

However, life happens… and I ended up missing a TON of classes. Doing his workouts on your own is very difficult. You don’t really know if you are doing them correctly, if your form is slouching and what hurts the most… the encouragement from your fellow runners. I felt like a foreign exchange student – part of the class but not really.

On that note, I questioned my ability to have progressed like how I was expected to or felt I should have.

After the Port Isabel Longest Causeway 10k run, I was extremely pleased with my time and knew that Coach Hector’s plan was working!!! But that was almost a month ago already. Had I been able to keep the momentum? Enough to finally reach my goal of 2:19? That was the question lingering in my head these last couple of weeks.

Well, as my life goes, everything I plan for ends up changing. Not having a “normal” 9-5 job with a regular income kinda hurt when it was time to pay property taxes so as I crunched the numbers in the family budget… seems that a weekend in Austin running a race was no longer an option. I should have known, too. The signs were everywhere.

I started a new business venture and am super stoked about it. *I’ll talk about it later I’m sure. But the work and the weather conspired against me and cut my workouts to a bare minimum making me really question whether I was able to reach 2:19 at the next available race, the “Get Up And Train” half marathon in Pharr, Tx. This race is now abbreviated to #GUAT.

Race packet pick up for GUAT was yesterday from 9a.m. – 6p.m. I drove up at about 5:30p.m. to late register. I must have sat in the parking lot for another ten minutes thinking to myself “How can I just show up like this so late?” I know most of the race event producers and they’ve become good friends of mine. I can just imagine the headaches I’ll cause being so late. After all they have done for me, this is how I treat them???? Good Lord Myssie!!! Just pass on the race. Suck it up and wait for another one to do when you get your act together.

*sigh*

I walked in trying desperately not be to noticed but the gymnasium was already clearing out and, honestly, I stood out like a sore thumb. I walked up to the registration table and asked to sign up expecting to be immediately turned down because it was too late or too full or too… something. But there she was… beautiful Amanda and her big smile multitasking while turning out some fires that always happen at registration events. With a nod of her head, her eyes pointing in the direction of a registration form… my registration was handled seamlessly.

I returned home to do everything you should NOT do the night before a marathon. I didn’t eat dinner. I stayed up way too late. I didn’t even shower much less shave. TMI? sorry… at least you weren’t running next to me today eh?

Before the race even started, I had already tied my orange jacket around my waist because I was already stoked and warmed up. I wrote “Donny” on my hand so that when I looked down at my Garmin, I would be reminded to go for my goal… Donny’s birthday. 

The first mile was difficult. It always is but I found my rhythm by mile 2 and kept with it. There were actually times where I was going too fast and had to slow down a bit.  How about them apples? Again, the high fives and hugs and cheers were awesome! Overwhelming at some times, too! But very welcomed 🙂

Once I got to Nolana, I closed my eyes and welcomed the mist as it cooled my face. I remembered the moment I reached the top of the Causeway and felt the same feeling… a euphoric dreamlike state of ecstasy. The playlist helped a bit with that, too.

Surprisingly, the entire run went really smoothly. Just like at the McAllen Marathon, my legs cramped up. I felt the ball of my foot and my toes go numb. While I was running, the thought came through my head… “When was the last time I cut my toe nails? Ouch! I think that’s what I feel. Well, there’s nothing I can do about it now. It’ll probably cause a blister or cut into my skin and bleed. I don’t have my trusty fuel belt with my little band-aid kit so… oh well… run through the pain. Deal with it.” I was pretty strong today. I had to do it. Foo Fighters were screaming in my ear. I had to do it for Donny. I’m not gonna fail again. No sirree!!!

Alright!!! My time is good! My time is really good! Not like Gandara or Kenyan good… but good for being me!!! Just before I hit mile 12, I sneak a peek at my Garmin. I’m way ahead of schedule. I’m going to finish before 2:19.

sooooooo guess what begins playing in my ears?

That’s right… it’s a sign.

2:19 was not a goal. My goal has and always will be to help those who have cancer and find a cure for cancer. THAT’s a goal. 2:19 was a sign.

Yep, a SIGN.

Just knowing I COULD finish in that time was good enough for me. Simple as that.

sooooooooo what do I do?

I took my phone out of it’s case. Went onto Facebook and sent Javi a message. I asked him what Lisa, his wife, was wearing. He responded two minutes later: “pink, long sleeve” The time was exactly 9:23 a.m.

HINDSIGHT: That is not a time. That is a sign. Sissy passed away on September 23, 2011. Nine Twentythree.

I went BACK.

See, I’m a woman of my word. If I tell you I’m going to do something, I’m going to do all I can to make sure I fulfill that promise.

Someone I run with in my all women’s run club (Run Walk or Crawl) had posted a while back about being upset that she may have to cross the finish line by herself and without her family. I could tell it was tearing her apart. There were countless posts that followed hers that stated so much support and understanding from our other sister runners. It was really heartwarming how this group uplifts and encourages each other. My response was something like “I’ll be there with you” or something of the sort. All I remember was that it was the shortest response of the entire string.

So I went back for her so that she wouldn’t have to deal with these last few miles by herself and cross alone. If you’re a runner, a beginner runner especially, it really does help when you have someone by you to push and encourage and drown out that doubter voice in your head. I know.. my inner voice is very loud… and rude.

I began to run the opposite way. I have to admit.. the faces of the runners that saw what I was doing were priceless. “Hey, you’re running the wrong way!” was said over and over and over again. But I kept running – at a good pace, too! – until I saw the familiar face in her long sleeved pink running sweater.

It was exactly 2:19 into my run according to my Garmin.

Lisa looked physically exhausted but still super cute. You know those running shoe advertisements you see in magazines with the sweat beads perfectly placed on their noses??? Ya, she had that.

“How do you feel?” I asked.

“Good!” she responded cheerfully.

“You’re a really good liar. These last few miles are the toughest of this race. I told you I would be there for you when you crossed. I’m here,” and onward we went!

I could feel her pace dropping and she was getting frustrated. I didn’t want her to stop and I could tell she wanted to quit and walk the rest. “We’ll keep running until the sign and then we’ll speed walk. You see the sign? Can you make it to the sign?”

“Yes, ok.” She replied with heavy breath. “Wait.. the first sign or the second one?”

“The second one,” I giggled. She knew now I was there to push her. I wasn’t going to let her give up on herself.

This pattern continued until we turned the corner and saw the finish line. Have you ever heard a smile? I have! And it came from her.

“Look Myssie! There’s the finish line!” she eagerly proclaimed.

“Smile real big now for the cameras. Make it look like this was easy. Papitas!” I told her. And then I cramped. Not just any cramp… it felt like a bolt of electricity was stuck on my calves. “Ayyyyyyy!” I screamed out (while smiling of course). “I’m cramping!”

“Don’t give up Myssie! You can do it. The finish is right there!!!” and the student becomes the teacher.

“Why does it seem like the finish line is moving further away???” she said. We laughed and we crossed and we hugged and we cried and we hugged again.

And here’s her side of the story:

13.1 miles. The Get Up and Train Half Marathon this morning… I started out with the best intentions, vowing to train and PR right around the time that Javi was rounding mile 18 at the McAllen Marathon a few months ago. I was doing pretty well; the most consistent I had been in a while, then the bipolar weather go the best of my training schedule — I showed up this morning having run only once in the last two weeks with a hand full of bike rides sprinkled in there. I was nervous, a little scared… but determined. I knew I would finish… it wasn’t the first one I’d done, but for whatever reason it felt different… probably because I was running this one solo… Javi taking the sideline for me this time. The first 8 miles felt like 3… and I was on track for a 2:30 finish… right around mile 10, my ankle started to ache… and right before 11, I had made the decision to just walk the rest of it…. I had seen Javi a couple of times by now… with water, peanut butter (my drug of choice), and all the encouragement a girl could ask for… but I was feeling pretty defeated… oh well… walk, walk, walk… then, I see this crazy woman running the wrong way… she got closer, and closer, and finally stopped… it was Myssie Cardenas-Barajas… it took me till the end of the race to realize what happened… she had said she would run it in with me… the story behind how this all unfolded is one that only she can tell… but she did… and together, we finished the last couple of miles — approaching to the finish line, the first face I saw was my mom’s… then dad… then Javi… then the babies… then my little brothers… they were all smiling and cheering… something that I had never had at a finish line…that meant the world to me… when Myssie and I crossed the finish line… I hadn’t hit 2:30; but I had PRd… and all I could do was hug her and cry…. I realized she had not only kept her word to me… but, she was kept me going… even reminding me to smile like nothing hurt for the cameras  This life is full of obstacles… trials….accomplishments… running is a metaphor for all of it… life is also full of blessings… angels…. and wonderful signs… and today, I experienced all of those…. thank you Myssie… I don’t know how I will be able to repay you for the kindness you’ve shown me. I love you, friend… to my family… it meant everything to me to have you there for me! and for Javi… ay mi amor… there are no words for you

And today in pictures…

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My cancer results came in

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 8, 2014 by runmyssierun

RRRRRRRrrrrrrrrring RRRRRRRrrrrrrring RRRRRRRrrrrrrring

I pick up the phone and see on the caller ID that it’s my doctor’s office. Oh God! They have my results from the mammogram and my cancer screening blood counts. If I let it ring and they’re forced to leave a message, then I’ll know, right? I’ll just listen to the message… 

No. I have to know NOW. I pick up the phone just in time.

It’s the nurse. Whew! The moment I heard her voice and didn’t hear her say I needed to come in to see Doc ASAP… I had a feeling.

“Your results came in. You’re normal,” she said. 

I think I may have screamed a little and that may have been what caused her to laugh a bit. 

I admit, I am one of the lucky chosen few who did not receive the phone call with dreaded news, news that would make you drop to your knees, news that would suck out all your tears, news that would empty your soul of all your dreams and leave you empty of dreams and afraid of time.

My good news was kept to myself and ignited a fire within me to continue my path for those who got that other phone call. 

Because the truth is that from the moment you clicked open this blog to read what happened in my day… someone else just got that awful phone call. In fact, every four minutes someone is diagnosed with a blood cancer. 

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Today was our Triathlon team’s first bike practice. We held a bike rodeo at the Convention Center parking lot and was taught how to change a flat tire, clean and degrease our chains, what tools to have handy, etc. by my bike guru, Wally. He had set up a little tent to shield us from the freezing mist. Poor thing had to speak up because it was hard to hear above the chattering teeth and shivering bodies of my team mates. It was then that even in that dreaded dreary cold weather that I saw the faces of my fellow teammates and how eager they were to learn about how to take care of their bikes (or borrowed bikes) so that they could do well at their first triathlon for TnT. They truly wanted to do well….

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Why?

Gosh, I’m really learning to love that question… why.. why?

Just before we got started, Cindy gave us her mission moment. Her honored hero had just lost his battle with leukemia a few days ago. She was quite choked up about it but tried with all her might to be strong and upbeat and positive. 

Katherine posted this on our facebook page: 

So, today was cold. Today was miserable. If we asked ourselves, deep down, did we want to be at practice today or snugly warm in bed? But we got up and showed up, this is what makes us TNT…. We are like postal workers: neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, etc…. we deliver! Cause Cynthia gave us all a sobering reminder as why we have to keep fighting. Why this dreadful disease needs to be stopped…..

We all have our own reasons for being a part of Team. No one reason is greater than the other. Bottom line, we’re all in this together. I feel Cynthia’s pain. It is still very fresh in my heart. 

My prayers go to the Rodriguez family and especially his wife and two very young children.

It is this very instance that breaks my heart as I remember my two nephews. I haven’t seen them in over a year. Sadly, since the death of my baby brother, it will likely be years before I am ever able to see them again.

Cancer and death does horrific things to a family.

If you’re the praying type, keep families like the Rodriguez’s and mine in your heart as you pray. I’d appreciate it.

Thanks. 

Oh! And don’t forget… I’m fundraising again. Please give what you can. Top right corner icon if you’re reading this on a PC. Scroll just below if you’re reading this on a phone.

~much love

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Slow dancing over the Gulf of Mexico

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2014 by runmyssierun

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I’m asked quite often now what events are on my 2014 calendar. Of course, if you’ve followed along, you know my response 😉

Today was one of the events. I really do want to re-race each event I’ve done so far to measure any decrease in pace, if any. The Port Isabel Longest Causeway race was my first 10k, almost exactly one month after my first 5k. I had been running for just about three months. Still very green, awkward and overcome with nerves.

But today was different. Not that I’m all Olympian or Kenyan by any means, but I really did feel at home at this race today.  Practice, training and experience has all helped me overcome the nerves and focus on just doing my best and enjoying everything around me.

This may sound weird to you non-runners but as a flat valley runner with little to no experience with hills or elevated grades, running up the Causeway is a serious challenge that takes great physical effort and stamina. The challenge plays mind games with you… or at least it does with me. I did a pretty good pace going up and stopped three times to take photos of a few fellow Cyclepaths that I saw along the way. Coach Hector marked my time trial at 10:45 with a 13:15 goal pace. *My run pace has slowed tremendously so I’m building it back up by returning to Running 101 class and tons of run drills that coach has designed just for me. I think it’s working.

I held an 11:40 pace (even with all the stopping for photos and chit chats with friends) which puts me at 2 minutes faster than Coach’s goal pace for me. I finished at 1:14… nothing to be ecstatic about right? Wrong.

Wanna see why this is so exciting for me? Look at my time from the last Causeway race.

My first 10k - The Longest Causeway run

 

To me, any improvement is worthy of celebration!!! Especially after doing so much with so little experience.

I would love to say that by CapTex I can get back to my 8 min paces but truth is that these last couple of months I’ve focused solely on running pace. Once I begin to incorporate swimming and biking into the weekly routines, I’m sure that my 8 dreams will likely fizzle. So I won’t get upset if I don’t reach 8 but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna try and it doesn’t mean that I’m gonna kill myself trying to get there. Ya, re-read that last line. Do it again. Understand?

Oh! My review of the race today you ask?

Honestly, today was a bit of a blurr. What stood out the most were three parts.

1. Going uphill on the Causeway was a bit surreal. It wasn’t like last time – sunny and calm with the smell of the salt water filling your lungs. Today had a thick brownish sticky fog that smothered the view and your body with an icky feeling. It took me back to my younger days in dance clubs where the dance floor would poof up with thick smoke and that lovey dovey slow song would play for the traditional “it’s 2:00a.m. bar is closing hook up” song. I remember smiling big as ever as I found myself slow dancing over the Gulf of Mexico. Its hard to describe the feelings I get when I run. I remember getting a few boys upset when I was younger dancing with them at clubs because once I closed my eyes and my hands went up into the sky, I was in my own little world and they knew I was no longer with them. It was how I escaped. I never needed drugs or alcohol. I just needed a good beat to dance to. Well, the same kinda goes for running.

It’s a sensual exhilarating exhausting feeling that isn’t sexual. Does that make sense? People kept telling me how addictive running was and to watch out for the “runner’s high” and I’d laugh. Maybe this is what they were talking about. Maybe I do get high. Maybe running is my drug. Wow. I hope coffee doesn’t get jealous!!!

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2. The last mile just as I turned the corner, I flashed back to the year prior when I witnessed a fellow Run Walk or Crawl runner fall to the street with a broken hip. I said a quick prayer of thanks for the ability to run without injury. So many people are not able to. This is a gift that I and all those around me at the time were given. And that’s when my mind went to David Mendez. I had asked a fellow Team in Training team mate about him two days ago. He’s struggling now and has spent the last two weeks at MD Anderson.  And that’s when I jumped into high gear…

3. It was the thought of David that pushed me to my last sprint across the finish. Normally, I gracefully prance across the finish with my hands held high showing my momma in Heaven my hand signs and smiling big for the cameras. Today was different. I don’t know what came over me but I was just so filled with emotion. How could I waste this gift that has been given to me? And my inner voice loudly commanded me to go… go as fast as I possibly could. Sprint. Race. David can’t. You can. Go! I didn’t look at anyone around me. I focused on that finish line and went for it like a crazy mad woman. I scared even myself!!! But it was a great feeling. That was for David because I still don’t know what to say to him to make it all better. So I run.

With all that I’ve been though, I should know what to say by now to people who have been hurt by cancer. Shouldn’t I?

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Run this way – beginner basics

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 3, 2014 by runmyssierun

The new year has begun and now I have lots of friends who told me a couple of years ago “You look great! And HAPPY!”, “You are such an inspiration. I could never run like you do”, “I’ve never been able to run,”…. and guess what… ya, you know what… they’re starting to run!!!

Including my own son!!!!

For those of you who follow me and don’t know me personally, let me sum it up for you… I’m probably one of the most over protective moms that ever lived. There. Period.

This last month, my son blurted out “Wake me up early so I can go run with you tomorrow morning”.  It was the equivalent of Heaven’s gates opening and a chorus of angels singing. YAY!!!!

For those of you who do know me personally and remember me saying that I’d never talk about my family on this blog… ok, I retract my statement. My son is joining me on my running journey!!!! He will now become a part of it and let me tell you, watching so many of my running team mates have their families run with them or man water stations or hold up silly posters wearing purple wigs and clanging cow bells at races was the bomb!!!! Many times, it was those families that made me feel like I was a part of their family. I’ve never been someone to push or bully someone into doing anything against their will, so I’ve been quite passive about this but secretly, just between me, you and this computer screen… I so wanted my family to be a part of it.

Ok, a quick run down (pun intended)

My son is an asthmatic so we went to his doctor yesterday to get him checked out. She was elated to hear that he would be running!
“It’ll teach him to open up his lungs at a different level.” She knew he was an incredible swimmer so developing his lungs over all the years of swimming would help with this next step. After a detailed check up and a couple of tests, she loaded him up with advice, monthly visits, samples and a huge smile!

We went to visit my run gurus at Valley Running Company. He got fitted for his shoes. They took their time with him and asked a lot of questions, had him walk this way and run that way and after about two hours… he left with the same shoes I have. Blame genetics. He’s got my crazy feet, same arch and duck walk. Saucony is going to be very happy with this family.

Signed him up for Running 101 – our local run class. Yes, this may sound a little crazy to some of you but our local run shop hosts run classes to TEACH US HOW TO RUN. There is a coach to give us weekly run drills, stretches, correct our form and we do it in a group atmosphere so that we all learn from each other, encourage each other and become accountable to each other. Plus there is safety in numbers when running in the evening.

So, let me review some of the basics, the important basics that every one should do when starting a new running routine:

1. See your doctor and tell him/her about your new running activity and ask if they have any concerns about it.

2. Get a custom fit shoe by a qualified run shoe store expert.

3. Find a running group to join with an experienced coach to teach you correct form and run safely in a group on a regular basis.

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Starbucks baristas served about 70 runners from the Running 101 Class at Valley Running Company midway through their social 6-mile run last night.

After my sons’s first run class last night, Coach Hector asked to meet with him today on a one to one evaluation. He went over a few stretches and strength exercises for his ankle that seemed to have been giving him some problem. He also went over some biomechanics and form correction with his stride.

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Running is one of our most basic and instinctive exercises but two years into this and I see it is such a complex sport. I learn something new about it every day. It’s easy and it’s complicated. Strange huh? What’s even stranger is the love/hate relationship that you develop with it!!!

I’m so excited about my son running with me. I truly hope he enjoys this.

Wow!!! Sissy… you really outdid yourself this time!

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Rainy day reflections

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2013 by runmyssierun

Resolution Road cometh early:
* I will not take my self so seriously I forget to live, laugh, and love
* I will continue to push for my health and my family’s
* I will make as many resolutions and goals and list need to achieve success rather than accept defeat or failure
* I will lead by positive example whenever possible: I will follow positive examples whenever given
* I will do more to remember than forgetting ( except when it comes to spelling and cheesecake)
* I may or may not consider myself crazy for this years fitness goals but if I do? Well that’s okay because they are still getting not just done but DONE RIGHT!!!

Thank you to Cheryl who shared these thoughts with me and my run group. She said it better than I ever could have.

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Certain things are likely

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2013 by runmyssierun

1554534_10153676217425068_1042486816_nIt was the last weekend of 2011 and I had recently finished my first 5k (at the Fiesta marathon) and right between Christmas and New Years… the perfect time to give up on your fitness routine because of all the parties and temptation and seriously… resolutions start AFTER December 31st, right???

Wrong

This resolution was to be life changing for me at that time and even though I didn’t know anyone running that morning at Bill Schupp park, I knew I owed it to myself and to Sissy to get in as many training races as possible… so I did it.

And I ran it.

And ran it again the last weekend in 2012.

And ran it again this last weekend in 2013… today. But this time it was with my two boys. THAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY YEAR!!! To know that I’ve made so many sacrifices these last two years, so many lifestyle changes and so many positive impacts by staying true to myself and my running fitness goals that it impacted the lives of my sons… by their choice.

You have no idea how gratifying it is so see this come full circle.

Sissy certainly knew what she was doing. Three years ago, had you told me that my boys and I would be running races for “fun”… I would have laughed hysterically in your face!!!

I do love the new “me” that I’ve fought to become again… again? Yes, again. I am slowly becoming the woman I was a long time ago and was reminded of that just last night when my old friends from high school all came together to celebrate Billy’s wedding.  If you are familiar with 80’s movies, you know who Molly Ringwald is. Well, there was a part of me in every character that Molly played. I refer back to Molly a lot because in high school, my friends were the real breakfast club. And I was Molly.

Of all the characters that she played, I was probably most like Andie Walsh.

I still love the classic Karmann Ghia, shop at thrift stores, sketch designs and am surrounded by music (although not a music store in my real life unless you consider iTunes as the modern day music store) and I’m least like Claire Standish because although I did win my city’s local crown, I was hardly a princess. I don’t think I could do the lipstick trick (I never tried) but I could do the cherry stem trick 😉 and I still swoon over the dark haired bad boy. What is probably MOST predictable is that I married a guy who honestly really did look like Jake Ryan. I’ve been coloring my hair for so long that you’d never even know that my real hair color is copper red!!!

xavmys

I’m rambling

So anyways as my old Breakfast Club reunited (sans a few members) the talk and the realization of who I used to be and who I was becoming were quite similar. THANK GOD!

In my teens and early twenties, I felt like I could do anything I set my mind to. I conquered all! There were no limits. In my late twenties, thirties and early forties, I felt like I could do nothing right.

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Each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal.

My Breakfast Club friends – life long friends – helped make me feel like I could do anything. And I hope that I don’t diminish how special they are to me by saying this next part because NO ONE COULD POSSIBLY BE AS WONDERFUL FRIENDS AS THEY WERE TO ME AT THAT TIME but now I feel like through all these run groups, team in training, Maniacs, cyclepaths, etc….  is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal.

When the original Breakfast Club was together, we were unstoppable. We could change the world if we wanted to in 72 hours. We never realized what we had at the time.

Now, I have a new Breakfast Club. The members are all so very different from each other. Some of us still tear each other apart with misunderstandings and gossip. (Not like my original Breakfast Club) But some of us… some of us are pretty dang awesome. And I’ll bet if given the chance, they could change the world in 72 hours if they wanted to.

I am so glad that I am part of this motley gang of misfit fitness fanatics. I am so glad that I have the family that I do. I am so glad that I was raised by the family that I had. I am so glad that my Breakfast Club reunited and remembered who I was and who Sissy wanted me to be again.

The great thing about Andie, Samantha and Claire is that all those characters went through some crazy drama, she had a few trusteds that she vented with (Yes, I have a “Duckie”, too), but with the help of her friends and the love of her family and a little bit of creativity… she gave up something that was dear to her and gave it to the handsome bad boy

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she transformed the humble gifts that were given to her and creatively combined them all so that she could show the world that they did not break her, and she showed up to the big event and showed them..

In the end, Molly always got the kiss and the storybook happily ever after ending… and that’s where I hope I am now. Sometimes I feel like my whole life has been written by John Hughes. Sometimes, I wish it was.

2014… it’s time to get it right. I know my goals. I know how to get them. It’s not going to be the trite “New year/New me” lingo here… I want the old me back again. So here we go!!! With the help of my friends and family…

WHAT’S HAPPENING HOT STUFF?????

Don't you forget about me. (*Rodney Perez)

Don’t you forget about me. (*Rodney Perez)

To my Duckie…

Taking it back old school so that I can move forward.

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Chestnuts roasting, Christmas wishes and resolutions

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 26, 2013 by runmyssierun

I spent the majority of this week frantically doing last minute shopping, taking care of my sick boys and dad and fighting the same fight over and over again day after day. I’m exhausted. I’ve run only two miles since the half marathon last week. I haven’t ridden my bike in weeks! And it’s been seriously way too long since I’ve swum a lane. This time last year, the holidays hardly made a dent in my training.

This year… it’s a different story. But it’s also way more complicated, too.

Regardless, I need to get back to a sensible balance where I can do everything I need to do. Stop eating those dang goodies and stop sitting on the couch and watching “It’s a Wonderful LIfe” all day long.

Funny thing about “balance” though. The great ones don’t balance their life… they focus on goals and everything else gets put on a back burner. If you are a great one, those who support you offer help where they can because they genuinely want you to achieve success, those who envy begin to chatter about your back burner items because they desperately wish they could do the things you do. If you are a balanced one, you usually aren’t extraordinary enough to be chattered about… and you don’t get offered help because people think you have everything under control. As I sit back and look at this and wonder which one I am… I’m a bit discouraged either way. Bummer.

However, if you’ve been following me for a while, you KNOW how I escape all that drama. (*hint: it’s MUSIC)

Santa did good this year. He got me some new wireless ear buds!! This year my resolutions need to be epic but followed up with a plan to make them attainable. So, I do foresee some pretty wild playlists being created to be used on some new races being added to my local agenda so I can use these great new ear buds!!! I’ve always been fascinated by learning new things so as I review each of my prior years resolutions, I’ve learned that they’ve all been about learning new activities or ways of life. The only resolution that I keep placing on my to-do list year after year and have yet to get accomplished is learning conversational Spanish fluently.  So just to keep tradition, I’ll place it on my list again this year. The other promise that I didn’t keep to myself this year was to complete a pull up. A REAL pull up.

Thank goodness, I received a note from an old friend of mine who I hope will help me achieve this feat soon with a new type of workout. This new workout is really good for developing upper body strength, core, balance and flexibility… all needed to become a better swimmer and cyclist. Pole fitness will enter my New Year’s resolution!!! (Stop it! I hear you laughing!!!)

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I’ve been working on a book for a few months now and after a conversation with my publisher, decided to reformat and redesign once again. I will become an author next year.

After all I witnessed this last week, I need to become a bigger part of my Dad’s world at least for the sake of his health (and my sanity). I will officially activate my Real Estate license and become a partner with him this year.  (I’ve been procrastinating a bit on this for several reasons. Time to move on.)

I have focused a lot of my energy to bring awareness for cancer these last two years and my fight is not nearly over, however, my focus will change as my eldest son goes to college.  Time is precious. Don’t let it slip away from you. I will not stop. I’ll just tone it down a bit. Maybe I’ll help coach? Who knows. 🙂

Now that I’ve discovered the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, I must take steps to incorporate it into the lifestyle of my family. It brought me such great joy to have them run with me at a few of the local 5ks here and to have my son teach me how to swim. Doing all these activities together bonds us and I need to make sure that it’s not just a phase but a daily habit for them to teach their children and grandchildren.

And as weird as this may sound, I have never been able to participate in an ACTS retreat because I always had a little one in the house and never had the heart to send him to Grandma’s house for the weekend in her condition to watch him. Now that he’s older, he’s a bit more self-sufficient and needs little supervision – or at least less than as an infant, I feel I need a whole lot more of God in my life and now is my chance. I think this would make my mother proud and I think it is the hole in my life that I need filled.

I also need to take the time to find and keep joy in my life. It seems that there will always be conflict, anger and disappointment every day no matter what so I need to find a better way to deal. I love painting, photography, dancing and music so making sure that I have healthy, artistic enriched outlets on a regular basis is critical for my well being… and understanding supportive friendships to share them all with. (*that may include some wine and/or bubbles with these activities)

And lastly, I may end up taking this one back but I’ll try it for a while….

Everyone asks me “What are you doing next?”

Someone quite special told me that he rarely tells people what events he’s doing and responds by saying “I’m training for Hog Dash!” (for you non-locals, Hog Dash is a 5k mud run – and he tells people this because he feels that it’s none of anyone’s business what he’s training for). As I reflect back on his advice, I think everything he’s told me has been spot on. So aside from this weekend’s Resolution Run (an annual tradition) and CapTex in May, I hereby publicly announce that I’m training for Hog Dash!!!!

So that’s it… These are my resolutions. Aside from the usual eating better, losing weight and shaving time off my PRs… I’m pretty content with my decisions.

I get to end this year with a Christmas that was nothing like what my Momma organized every year, attend a wedding where I get to witness one of my oldest lifelong friends give his heart away, teach my youngest son how to ride a bike and run with the women who started it all at the race that made running my lifestyle.

This year was rough. Each year becomes tougher. It would be really reckless of me to expect otherwise. Every hardship has taught me a lesson but hasn’t calloused me enough to make me bitter. I think it’s actually made me softer and more forgiving in many ways. I pray that this will make for an interesting year ahead, one that I hope to share with you in all my wild and crazy adventures to fulfill a promise.

My Christmas wish did not come true – but it was  a pretty big one so I’m ok with Santa not making it happen. My Christmas was still pretty awesome. Hope yours was, too. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!

Did you get your Christmas wish? What was it?

What are YOUR New Years resolutions?

RWC Christmas party

My “RUNSPIRATIONS” = the women of Run Walk or Crawl running group
I would have given up on myself and running had it not been for these amazing women of immense support. They all came together and brought over food when my mother passed away and they helped gather donations for my Team in Training cancer fund and some even joined me in running a few marathons for TNT. They are relentless!!!

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A Super-sized McMarathon

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2013 by runmyssierun

I ran my first street block in October of 2011 in the quiet darkness of the Bicentennial trail.  I was 41 years old with no history of athletic skills whatsoever. (However I did do videos of Gilad and Jane Fonda aerobics in the 80’s)

Bicentennial trail at night

I ran my first mile in November of 2011.

I ran my first 5k in December of 2011. It was the Fiesta Marathon’s 5k. I finished in just under 45 minutes. I ran like Phoebe in the TV sitcom Friends.

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I ran my first 10k one month later, January 2012 at the Port Isabel Longest Causeway race.

My first 10k - The Longest Causeway run

I ran my first Half marathon the next month, February 2012 on the Birthday of my baby brother, Donny, who had just passed away less than a year before that.

Tears for Donny

We lost my mother to cancer shortly after in April of 2012. I took all the sadness, anger and every pent up emotion that I had stuffed inside of me and used it to run my first full marathon seven weeks after her death.

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I recuperated for a couple of months after that but realized quickly how healing Team in Training was for me.

I went on to do several more half marathons with TNT: one each month until December of 2012 when I decided to revisit my first race… the Fiesta Marathon. But instead of doing the 5k, I challenged myself to do the full 26.2 miles.

It was too much too soon for me. After the 172 Campaign for Vannie Cook Children’s Cancer Center half (September 2012), the Nike Women’s half in San Francisco (October 2012) and the San Antonio Rock & Roll half (November 2012), I ended up injuring myself seriously in the first 6 miles of the Fiesta Marathon (December 2012).

Not wanting to admit to myself that I was seriously hurt, I went on to do the Herothon half in San Antonio in January 2013.  It was clear to me that something needed to change.

Running with Team in Training allowed me to take my feelings out on the pavement. It gave me permission to vent. It gave me pleasure to know that I was helping someone else who had gone through what I went through. It gave me hope to know that I was running alongside survivors. I DIDN’T WANT TO STOP. If I stopped…. I was scared that my sadness and anger would end up exploding and hurting those I loved.

So I found an alternative. TRIATHLON!!!

I gave my achilles the chance to heal for a few months while I learned to swim and ride a bike. 10 weeks after I learned to swim, I completed my first triathlon.

Stanley's Triathlon

And a couple of months after that… I completed the Capital of Texas Triathlon.

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And then became the first in our region to win the LLS Triple Crown by completing a 100-mile century ride in the mountains of Nevada at Viva Bike Vegas.

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Scattered in between all these events are several other QUALITY local races, duathlons and triathlons that I used for experience and training… but when it came down to the marathon in December… my blood boiled.

I wanted so badly to avenge myself for the mistakes I made last year. I wanted so badly to do well.

Sadly, for as much as I wanted it and planned for it and prepared for it… I think God had other plans. The reasons that I wanted to do well in it didn’t match the reasons that I joined Team in Training in the first place. The reasons I wanted to do well were ego based. I’m glad now that I recognized it and chose to do the half instead for all the right reasons.

The Fiesta Marathon of prior years was moved to Edinburg and upped in date. It was replaced by the Inaugural McAllen Marathon on the same weekend in December. It was bitter cold and on a route that I had never run before but I was surrounded by my TNT team mates, Maniacs, RWC girls and Cyclepaths all along the course.

I started out the race with a dear friend that I missed so very much. She lost her mother as well. Stephanie and I have lived mirrored lives for so long. Running in the city of my home alongside an old friend felt unusually natural. Unlike other races where nerves kick in… this one had no nervousness. Just pure excitement. I ran alongside the women who took me under their wings while training for my triathlons. Three fierce women who had just completed a half ironman a short while earlier and they weren’t even breaking a sweat. Karen Watt jokingly blurted out “It can’t be good when you get passed by a Christmas tree!” A runner dressed up as a Christmas tree had just run past us.

As I got warmed up, I began to peel off layers of clothing and wrapped the sleeves of my jacket around my waist. My pace slowed down while I did this when a man running behind me a few paces sped up to tell me that I was his inspiration. Caught by surprise and still a bit uneasy with compliments, I think I blushed and admitted that I didn’t think I’d be anyone’s inspiration that day. I was going to take it easy and enjoy the run. He ended up sticking along with me throughout the entire race. Gotta admit, his unexpected compliment made me feel really good.

I could not believe how many friends were there cheering!!! Sooooooo many Team in Training team mates, soooo many RWC and VRC fellow runners and their families all yelling their lungs out with cowbells and posters and hugs and hand signs!!! Seeing their faces light up when they saw me… it was like the sparkle in my Momma’s eyes through theirs. It invigorated me.

I chose 2:19 as my finish goal. This is the birthday of my baby brother, Donny. I figured that if I run the first three miles at a 9-and-something-minute mile pace, I can easily finish the rest of the race at a comfortable 11-and-something-minute mile pace and enjoy my hometown marathon event. All went well as planned until towards the middle of mile ten, I had just passed my run gurus high five cheer (German Medrazo) at the Valley Running Cheer stop when BOTH my legs cramped up with charlie horses. I was at a complete stop. I seriously could not move any further.

I got so scared that I took a look back to make sure that no one was about to run into me. I was about a half a block away from German and thought maybe I should shout out to him… but then what??? I simply stretched and stretched and stretched my calves out. I can’t honestly say that I stretched them out to the point where I was pain free but that stubborn ego inside of me knew the finish line was just a 5k away and I had already wasted my perfectly paced time on this stretching. I impatiently got up from the curb and hobbled on. I dropped down to a 12-minute pace. I knew at that time I lost my goal but kept on. What else was I gonna do? My car was over there. I couldn’t go home by snapping my fingers.

I hobbled on and hobbled on until a big black truck drove close by me with a Kenyan chasing it. THAT’S THE FIRST MARATHON FINISHER!! How cool is that to cross the finish line WITH A KENYAN!!!

I am stoked! I am beyond stoked! Can you imagine the stories I tell my friends about this???

“Ya… here’s my finisher photo with my crazy fast Kenyan run buddy… We finished at the same time. Well, he finished just a few seconds before me so technically he won the race and got the check.” — Oh man!!! I could milk this like the biggest fish story ever!!!

Nope!

Cramps again. There goes that awesome story. I stop for a while and stretch again because I simply cannot move my right leg at all.

“SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP! The freakin finish line is two itty bitty blocks away!” – my inner voice yells at me… AGAIN.

So, I hobble on. I finished with a smile on my face in the most amazing sunshine ever.

Best of all… I finished for ME. I didn’t half-ass it. I did the absolute best that I could. It might not be as good as YOU are but guess what…. I’m not you. And I am soooooo very happy for that because I don’t think you’ll ever see or feel what I did that day.

What makes my dream any less than your dream? We are all different. We all want different things in life. And I can change MY dreams any time I want and I can even get new dreams. How ’bout them apples?

Health and Happiness… my dream has never changed. The path to it, however, sure has.

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Click Click Boom

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2013 by runmyssierun

I haven’t seemed to find my focus these last few months… in fact, probably since Viva Bike Vegas. My head hasn’t been in the game for a while. Distracted with emotion, stress and chaos has veered my energies elsewhere. Unfortunately, it veered off into a place where I had no control. I know better than to worry about things that are not within my control… but I did. And it played it’s dirty little games with me.

Serenity Prayer

About a month ago, I went “back to basics”. I’m re-learning how to run. I’m riding and running garminless. I’ve put the fun back into my workouts. Maybe this kind of attitude doesn’t work for everyone but it allowed me to take a step back and evaluate my performance, get to know – really get to know and appreciate – the fellow athletes who have kindly taken me under their wings. This is my off season and I felt I should take the time to thank those who supported me, emotionally, financially, physically and spiritually and I loved every minute of it and every one of them. I smile when I run. I sing when I ride. I still freak out a bit when I swim. Eh… what’d you expect?

But the entire time I was feeling really good about myself, there were a couple of people who just couldn’t get what I was doing. The words “lazy” and “selfish” echoed with no end on a daily basis over these last few months. Sadly, I am still human. When someone is told they are something routinely (whether positive or negative) every day, they tend to believe that they are (positive or negative) eventually. So, I began to believe it. I am still struggling with that.

Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.

I’ve said many times over and over again to my close friends, confidants, team mates, coaches, and in this blog that being mentally strong is critical to participating in these endurance events. I have learned that my body can now do ANYTHING I prepare it to do. However, my head can quickly – without notice – put an end to all that hard work and physical capabilities with one simple little whisper.

YOU CAN’T

So when my doubting attitude starts to befriend those who call me lazy, selfish, childish, immature, not dedicated enough, not athletic enough, a spotlight hogger, etc… the dark side rises. It seems to be a never ending battle of wits but with a double edged sword.

The challenge is an enigma. I do well, I get criticized by some and praised by others. I do poorly, I get criticized by some and encouraged by others.  So, when I do an event and figure out that it doesn’t really matter if I do well or bad, I just do it to keep some sanity in my life, I still get criticized by some and then, surprisingly…  silence from the others.

I will likely step down after this season as my son will be leaving for college and my focus will be directed elsewhere once again. I made a promise. I will not stop. However, I am going to take it easy for a little bit now and stay right where I am… And where am I exactly you ask? I’m at the first line of Sissy’s Tree picture… just where she wanted me. I understand so much better now than I did a year ago, two years ago. I have found happiness and healing. I have done all that the tree picture said to do. I savored each instruction and lived it well. I strayed from it for a short while but now I’m back.

Life in not a race but indeed a journey

Tomorrow I’m running the McAllen Marathon for fun at an easy pace with some really good supportive friends that I’ve made along the way.  Originally, I was hoping to avenge myself after last years marathon disaster but after stepping back and thinking about things with a clearer head and peaceful heart, I’m gonna do the half with a fun playlist and smile the whole way through. So take that!!

I’ll close with an excerpt from my Momma’s diary in hopes that I not only fulfill her dreams of doing everything possible to help those touched with cancer but also what she hoped for her family – my family.

“Statistically, I will be dead within 2 or 3 years. I have asked the Lord and His mother, the Virgin Mary, to give me a  couple of years more so I can see Michael graduate from high school. That would make me so happy. …. I ask the Lord to give me patience and I still continue to pray for his intercession. I hope and pray that I have the strength to get through this.” — Mimi Cardenas

 

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If only

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 2, 2013 by runmyssierun

If… If only.

I spent this Thanksgiving holiday weekend with my family, the little that is left of it. I didn’t really get to spend a lot of time with friends. Many have moved away. Many have moved on. Many did the Turkey Trot that I have yet to do!!!

Yep, you read that right. I didn’t run the Turkey Trot. Why? You ask.

Because the Turkey Trot is a family tradition. And Thanksgiving is a family tradition.

But my family doesn’t run. My family eats. So Thanksgiving dinner is OUR tradition and I’m all that is left with the recipes and I am all that is left to keep the tradition alive for my children to remember when they are adults. Otherwise, it’d be Luby’s take out on tray tables in the living room watching the Dallas Cowboys play football. (Sorry if I offend some of you who do this but my Momma held our dinners to a whole different standard)

I know this is completely contradictory of all the healthy practices I’ve entertained these last two years, all the blogs I follow and requote and probably everything you want to hear… but it’s true.

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I cooked for twelve. Only five sat at the table. There is significance in that. It was a feast. I ran out of butter. I spent all day barefoot and in the kitchen. For the first time EVER (while taking basting breaks from the turkey)… I took the time to do my hair and make up because Momma said that lipstick was very important. I used the white and gold china dishes. I used the white linen napkins and carefully rolled each of them up by hand and placed them by the edge of each setting.

I messed up her mushroom rice casserole. I should have added another french onion soup. Because it wasn’t perfect, I couldn’t eat it.

I spent the whole day cleaning, cooking and then cleaning everything up again. By myself. I didn’t complain. It was what my Momma did for years before… and she looked forward to it. How women do this and then get up at 4 a.m. to go shopping the next day exhausted and with this little bit of sleep is beyond me. Well, no wonder we have the chaos at Walmarts like we do on Black Friday!!!

I was able to run my 20 miles on Wednesday before. My time wasn’t great but better than the time before and I did it without injury or pain and was able to sing on key to much of my playlist!!! Best of all… it was such a BEAUTIFUL day!!! It was probably THE MOST PERFECT DAY FOR RUNNING EVER IN THE HISTORY OF ME RUNNING!!!

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So not running on Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday… was ok with me.

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I was able to decorate the house for the kids and put up the Christmas tree. I’m crazy afraid of heights so I didn’t put up the lights around the house outside… but I’m still pondering if I can do it.  My favorite little local candy shops also sent me little notes and special discounts so I was able to get some Christmas shopping done, too.

My favorite part of the weekend was Saturday night. The house was quiet and I had just finished the tree and I found the bouquet of mistletoe in the box of decorations. I frantically searched for the step ladder and quickly hung it up in the entryway. I don’t think the boys know the meaning of mistletoe. I couldn’t help but reminisce and keep the memory there as long as I could. I must have stood there under the mistletoe for an hour staring at it.

Under the Mistletoe! XL

I remember clearly how my Dad would hang the mistletoe above the door so that he could sneak a kiss from Momma every time she entered the house.  My parents made Christmas really special to Donny and me. I feel bad for those who don’t understand and will never feel what I do at this time of year.

I wonder if I’ve been able to do the same for my children.

I hope that when my children grow up, they have sweet warm loving memories of holidays and not just visiting loved ones in hospitals for them to cherish.

I’ve failed a lot in my life but this… this is where I pray I don’t. I can’t. I don’t want to fail them.

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