Blurry

Team in Training Triathlon Team Winter 2014

This morning’s fog may have blurred my mind a bit. Still unsure of where these *signs* are leading me, I questioned my purpose.

I got up and ready after a pretty tough emotional week (again) and headed over to Bill Schupp Park for our team’s Mission Mile for our honored heroes and those we’ve lost. I’m sure it was just my inner me that didn’t want to confront the dark corner inside me that doesn’t like to deal with this emotion that was likely to come up and the memories that it tags along with it. But I did it. Plus I needed to turn in my fundraising letters so that I could win the “Go Getter Grant”.

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It was both the TNT Marathon team and the Triathlon team together. I handed out purple, green and white ribbons for all my team mates to wear during practice. Each color represented someone who we were running for in 1.) honor of, 2.) memory of or was a 3.) survivor.

Many of us had several ribbons in various colors.

I decided to wear only two. One for my Momma and one for Sarah. Sarah is my honored team mate this season and has been before in other seasons. She was there at the park with us and greeted me with that bright cheery hug she is so famous for.

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Her mother, Anita, took center stage for our mission moment. She announced that Sarah had been declared officially in remission earlier this week.

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Honest to God, I could not remember any of the rest of what she said because I was overwhelmed with joy. My tears propelled from my eyes and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

I had been so heartbroken just a few days ago for personal selfish reasons and took this as my little sign to let it go and see the happiness that is happening around me. And then Dezma’s grandfather took the stage… err … trail. It was then that he reminded me that it was just a year ago in a few weeks that Dezma lost her fight with cancer. He uncovered a larger than life sized photo of her and paraded it in front of us and I was right at the very end of the line of teammates. It was when he got to me that he exploded.

“God Damn It! I HATE LEUKEMIA!!!” he cried out.

I lost it. I seriously lost it. I hate it, too.

He led us into the Mission Mile holding her picture up. We all followed in silence.

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