Does size really matter?

I remember clearly that day in high school when someone snickered under their breath “Look, it’s small, medium and large.”

They were referring to me and my two girl friends. One girl friend was quite thin. She was always sad, never ate and super whiney – probably because she was always hungry. The other girl was not fat by anyone’s standard but was big boned… no just more muscular or thicker than we were and a lot happier than we were. I was medium.

You wouldn’t think that being medium was a bad thing until I found myself right smack in the middle of beauty queen, swim suit model and Bud Girl Neverneverland. It wasn’t good to be medium then. I was surrounded by beautiful girls who thought they were fat and ugly and would only get approval if they were just five pounds skinnier. If only they could drop a size. If only they were thinner they could attract that boy, that job, that modeling contract, that crown… if only.

It was just a matter of time before it all rubbed off on me. It was a difficult time and very confusing. I was brought up in a family who celebrated all happy occasions with grand dinners with food fit for a king. My first big (and only real fight) with my mother was when she cooked chorizo for breakfast and I was training for Miss Texas USA. I remember snapping at her telling her she was being unsupportive of my efforts. The next day, she made migas and drove to South Padre Island for spring break. We stayed for two hours before I had to drive her back. Her triglycerides were sky high and she was doubled over in pain. She told me that she would cook healthier meals for us after that day.

I look back and see now that I had an incredible body. But that day, I hid. In my mind, it would take an act of congress to get me to wear my bikini after eating migas in the morning.

I had developed an eating disorder. (I am not telling you all about my disorder but trust me on this… you don’t want to know how I know I had body dysmorphic disorder and anorexia and I don’t want this topic to be the focus of this entry but it’s important that you understand WHY I’m so sensitive to this)

For about ten years, I was surrounded by close friends in my young life that binged and purged, were addicted to laxatives and/or diuretics or restricted themselves because someone told them they were too fat.




me and tanya ss

The way I saw myself then is not the same way I see myself in those photos now.

The way I see myself today… I’ll be honest, I won’t wear a bikini in public but at this age, unless you are Jennifer Aniston, you have no business being in a bikini anyway! However, I am way more confident and accepting of my body. I’m actually pretty happy about it.

Ok… so the above is the basis of this entry’s theme.

I began running with Team in Training because I had lost and was losing some of the most important people in my life. People begin fitness programs for countless reasons. No one reason is better than the other. I have stuck to my program because I felt accountable and responsible as a result of being a part of such a large group of people doing it for the same reason. People who do this type of training by themselves with a pill and expect results like mine and those around me have a hard reality to experience. Let me be clear, I did not begin this journey to become a Bud Girl again… but I do admit that I have enjoyed the benefits of losing weight and not jiggling like I used to. I am much healthier than I was two years ago. I am much happier, too.

A friend of mine had posted on her facebook that she was tired of people posting about their workouts and all their before and after pictures. She said that she respected and admired the journeys that we were all on and asked that we respect her decision to not workout, take a diet pill and get plastic surgery when she could afford it. She had no intention of setting foot in a gym… ever. Shortly after that post, she tagged herself having dinner and a very large adult beverage and as always carefully cropped her body out of the photo.

On that same day, another friend of mine posted something that knocked me out of my seat. Rather than paraphrase and ruin the genuine article, I’m copying and pasting her post here:

All over Facebook I see–
Garcinia Cambogia a Fruit that a Dr. recommends to start eating to lose weight fast? Seriously? Why? Even if there were some sensible logic to weight loss, why even take that route… Why not learn to Love yourself first, enough to make a healthy conscious decision is Believing in yourself enough to Work for the Results you Crave!
Even the most Well known Dr. Doesn’t get it!! We are given Life with a Soul & outer Shell.
We Should Appreciate each body as a creation of The Lord.. We Must start to think of what is truly healthy to our Minds, Organs, Mental Health!
No Dam fruit will take care of All your disappointments!!
Please, realize that Health is generally an Internal Mental Health Factor… You must Start with a Plan, a Goal, A Support Group, The Will, Determination, Motivation that comes from All of the Above…. Work for IT– don’t Look for the “oh final breakthrough”!! That’s NOT the answer!! Believe in YOU… Have Faith, Hope, Love yourself enough to Start from the bottom up… Internally you must Heal from All disappointments, leave them behind, start anew Mind set.. The Tools, the knowledge, will always be there- but it Truly is ALL in your Reach… Start your Health Program Today– record your Journey- and take it One Day at a Time… Your Glory Days Will Come… And Through your Fight for Fitness, you will have Respect for the Hard Days that it took YOU to get there….
The Rest will Follow!!” ~~ Fit 4 Life by Roxie

Roxie nailed it.

I’ve learned that few people that follow my blog and support my passion do it because they too are cancer haters. Most people follow me because they think that I just might spit out some super secret program that will help them lose weight over night… or at the most in a week. Truth is, there is no secret. It’s all hard work and everyone knows that. Consistent hard work and making yourself and your health goals a priority in your life will get you your results.

It won’t happen overnight. It won’t happen in a week. Give yourself three months, three consistent months of training without giving up and you’ll see for yourself.

Again, I began my journey for a cause. I was lucky enough in my younger years to have an awesome metabolism. After having children and 6 years of stress eating and being a couch potato, I ballooned up a good 40-50 pounds. Now, I am the same size I was in those photos posted above AFTER all this crazy training. I am, however, heavier. I was skinny fat then. I am healthy and more muscular now. I’m ok with that. I won’t stop because I want to lose weight. I’ll stop when we have an affordable accessible cure for cancer for everyone. Get it?

I have been training non-stop for one year and a half and set goals for myself periodically so that I have something to work for (i.e. marathons, triathlons, century rides, 5ks, etc.). I meet often and regularly with my team of doctors who oversee all this craziness. If you are doing this for the weight loss, please make sure you do it the right way and for the right reasons. There is NO easy way.

If you’ve been thinking about starting a run or triathlon or other physical exercise program, I strongly encourage you to consider joining a group like Team in Training, or a local run club or triathlon team. It will give you support and keep you accountable. Stay true to you. Give value to yourself again.


Need weight loss inspiration? click here to see how Roxie has helped Chris through his journey.

One Response to “Does size really matter?”

  1. Reblogged this on RunMyssieRun and commented:

    After gaining weight by not working out like I had been used to doing because of my injury but still eating like I had been used to eating, I find myself back to square one. So here I go again… but this time, I stepped on the scale to get a true measurement of my progress. I know I can do this the right way. If you want to do the same, contact me personally. I work better with a support group where we encourage each other and keep each other accountable. It’s not about who can lose more weight faster, it’s about attaining a healthy goal and staying there. I’d love to do this with about 10 other people. No gimmicks, I’m doing this the old fashioned way and if you want to do it like this , too, let me know.


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